I am less curious about things

I can't read very well

I'm sloppy

recently the unattractive effects of anhedonia--or rather the inability to have interests--have been hard to hide

I must hold myself to a higher standard. I have been trying to raise my standards for myself recently

I hope for my higher standards to include:

-a fight to win attitude
-better indulgence of my hobbies so that I can follow my curiosity without feeling like killing myself
-ability to identify and follow passion
-less sloppy appearance
-cheerful and engaging attitude at work

in my opinion, if I just get a little more lust for life, and follow my curiosity to gain knowledge and experience, the effects of depression and failure will lessen

is this something therapy could help with, or just me? I'm curious what people actually ask their therapists about because every problem I have just seems like a self-solve situation

can I ask a therapist to help with these practical effects on my abilities to appear as a normal person?

can I literally say, "I have to perform to this standard (my own standard or that of my work) -- can you help me with reading or trying to be more curious again, or to work on social skills in the work place?"

can I say that I'm having problems exploring my interest in music because I am inhibited?

can I ask them to help me identify situations where I am feeling curious and how to follow through on the curiosity?

I just feel like most of it are things I should just work harder on or just get over. Has a therapist ever even helped anyone on any of these problems?

I don't want therapy to be unfocused. I don't want to recount every moment of my childhood. That is a waste of my time and depresses me. I don't want to be in therapy for years.

Ultimately my problem with therapy is this. I think that therapy is, in the end, self driven, but I don't know exactly where to "drive it". So it ends up being a waste of time with the therapist just kind of going in circles and not proposing any solutions.

I feel that I have to come up with the solution myself.

So please, I would love to hear any situations where a therapist helped in a practical manner, rather than just talking about the past in a roundabout manner.

(posted this in depression forum as well just to cover my bases)

[Elio]

I read some books on the neuroscience of psychotherapy and that helped me accept that talking about things in a round about way, recounting my past, does make changes - or I should say has the potential to make changes. It is not fast and you are correct that it is fairly self driven and what I have found is that there are no "solutions". What has happened has been more of a releasing (for lack of a better word) of the emotional connections/distresses to the memories. I don't forget the memories; however, the emotional impact of them seem to be less tangled.

There are other forms of therapy that are more directive - such as CBT and DBT. Looking for a therapist that specializes in one of those forms, might provide you with what you are looking for. I have done CBT before and found that all it did for me was give me a vocabulary to use when talking about what was going on for me and the ability to see when I was falling for one of the traps. It didn't stop me from falling for the traps nor "solve" my depressive tendencies which includes from your list:

- better indulgence of my hobbies so that I can follow my curiosity without feeling like killing myself
-ability to identify and follow passion
-cheerful and engaging attitude at work

There are many paths to get from point A to point B in this journey. I can say I was very skeptical about talk therapy at the beginning, that has changed and for me I believe it is the only way to get to point B.

Good luck with your search.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Therapists should be able to work towards whatever goal you have (at least if it is not an illegal or otherwise questionable goal). In my experience, most problems you can solve with therapy are actually problems that are just "get over it/solve it yourself" problems. The therapist is not there to solve your problems for you. They help you solve the problems yourself, or rather to achieve the goals you have. They support you, give ideas, give guidance.

The way a therapist might help you for example to enjoy hobbies again by talking to you about why you might feel you do not enjoy them anymore. The therapist might suggest practical solutions to those problems, but lots of times you will slowly find solutions yourself by actually learning why it is hard for you to enjoy them.

There are loads of therapies that do not focus on talking about ones childhood. I know it is portraied that way a lot, but for example for me I do psychodynamic therapy, and I rarely talk about it. My therapist even says that it is of course possible to talk about the past, but by no means necessary. We mostly talk about what happens in my life each week. I learn to identify what bothers me in my every day life, then can apply what I learned during the week, and feel more in control, or whatever else I want to feel. Some of my behaviors might be rooted in childhood, but that doesn't matter too much in learning how to change or control them.

It is up to the client what they'd like to talk about. As Elio said, there's also types of therapy that are very focused on learning certain skills, such as CBT. Those are also rather short and concrete, so that might be an idea.

[maybeblue]

I think there are a lot of ways that you can use a therapist to help you meet your goals. I started having a lot better luck with therapy when I stopped expecting them to "fix" me and started using them as a tool to "fix" myself.

I've used them as accountability partners. That works well for me because I do like approval from others. So I can tell a therapist, I want to exercise three times a week, will you ask me about that? And then just the fact that I know they are going to ask and I don't like them being disappointed in me makes me more likely to do it.

I've used them to practice assertiveness. Unlike a lot of people in my life, when I get annoyed at a therapist I tell him or her.

I use them to vent. Sometimes they give me advice, which is fine, but it's actually more helpful if they just reassure me that I'm doing what I should.

[annielovesbacon]

These are all excellent questions and goals, and not things you have to "get over" by yourself. A therapist can and will help you with these things.
When you go to a therapist, 9 times out of 10 they will ask you what your therapy goals are. What you have said here is an excellent answer.
As a contrast, when I met my current therapist for the first time, she asked me what my goal was and I didn't know anything specific so I said "I just want to feel better." She told me that was called a "morbid goal," aka a goal that could be achieved by death. (Things like "I want the pain to end," "I don't want to feel bad anymore," etc.) She wanted me to come up with concrete goals, which is exactly what you've done.

It's help me tolerate the depressed feelings I have so they don't have the affect they use to have on me.

[malika138]

I think that the fact you have created a list of goals is a good predictor for success in therapy.

For me, therapy helps to manage the depression and anxiety so that I can function at a very high level.

Agreed with all of the above and I just wanted to add that, for me anyway, therapy has been my way of "fighting back" and I think that even attempting to take control is so much better than doing nothing.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by emptynightmare

I am less curious about things

I can't read very well

I'm sloppy

recently the unattractive effects of anhedonia--or rather the inability to have interests--have been hard to hide

I must hold myself to a higher standard. I have been trying to raise my standards for myself recently

I hope for my higher standards to include:

-a fight to win attitude
-better indulgence of my hobbies so that I can follow my curiosity without feeling like killing myself
-ability to identify and follow passion
-less sloppy appearance
-cheerful and engaging attitude at work

in my opinion, if I just get a little more lust for life, and follow my curiosity to gain knowledge and experience, the effects of depression and failure will lessen

is this something therapy could help with, or just me? I'm curious what people actually ask their therapists about because every problem I have just seems like a self-solve situation

can I ask a therapist to help with these practical effects on my abilities to appear as a normal person?

can I literally say, "I have to perform to this standard (my own standard or that of my work) -- can you help me with reading or trying to be more curious again, or to work on social skills in the work place?"

can I say that I'm having problems exploring my interest in music because I am inhibited?

can I ask them to help me identify situations where I am feeling curious and how to follow through on the curiosity?

I just feel like most of it are things I should just work harder on or just get over. Has a therapist ever even helped anyone on any of these problems?

I don't want therapy to be unfocused. I don't want to recount every moment of my childhood. That is a waste of my time and depresses me. I don't want to be in therapy for years.

Ultimately my problem with therapy is this. I think that therapy is, in the end, self driven, but I don't know exactly where to "drive it". So it ends up being a waste of time with the therapist just kind of going in circles and not proposing any solutions.

I feel that I have to come up with the solution myself.

So please, I would love to hear any situations where a therapist helped in a practical manner, rather than just talking about the past in a roundabout manner.

(posted this in depression forum as well just to cover my bases)

You may not read well, but you write well. Your message is organised and not sloppy at all. As you got that of the equation wrong, I’m betting that your self-assessment might also be wrong. I’m not certain that you’re depressed so much as looking as a structure for your goals. You’ve asked questions — and supplied answers for — about who you want to be.

It’s okay to print your message and take it to an MD/shrink or PhD/psychologist. One should be able to tell you if they’ll take your type of case or not..

I ran out of ‘practical manners’ years ago. I am physically weak, elderly, white-haired and rickety and sick. Sick from conditions, illnesses and disorders. I’m having ‘spells’ again — blackouts which are being noticed by the only two people whom I converse with weekly — and my blood pressure suddenly drops and I’ve wiggling-heart-dizziness when I sit up.

Sadly, I know where my symptoms call, so close that my breath reeks ‘love me, love me, please love me.’

It seems to me that we want all those things, but, mostly, love.

People write here about problems with their therapist and the biggest seems to be — or involves — that these people suffer from a need to feel loved.

I can’t say that this comes a shock, really. I think that I’ve long-believed that love seemed the solution to most of our questions. We don’t want to be lonely or feel out-of-place. Maybe this isn’t the the time to bring this up. I think that this might be more than I can take.

I can steer everything about you back to me and play, bluff, go down.

If I were you, I would double dare-dare Henry V of England to a wrestling-match and you, of course, let him win for you can’t beat the man.

Print your note and show it around.

[Favorite Jeans]

Dude. Skepticism is healthy but often that which you're running from is kind of what is causing you to run. You know? So the fact that you immediately say that you don't want to talk about your childhood sort of makes me think that's exactly what you need to be doing.

I don't mean to add insult to injury. I spent my first year of therapy assiduously not talking about my childhood. But it's kind of important stuff. Or can be.

You can absolutely choose one of the highly structured, short-term, solution-focused psychotherapies and see how you feel with it. In my experience, especially if your depression is recurring or chronic, you have to give it the time it needs and wade right in.