[YoucancallmeFlower]

With my doctor!

Made the decision tonight. Liberating!!!

Found out the other day there is a small clinic here that's separate but
still part of the VA. They offer the REM trauma treatment, which they DO NOT OFFER at the regular hospital and she has not bothered to mention it to me FOR A YEAR AND A HALF.

Enough is enough.

This is the doctor who told me I had to learn to control my disorder. If
you know anything about Dissociative Identity Disorder, once called
Multiple Personality Disorder, you understand how ridiculous that is.
As in, if you could control it, you wouldn't have it, you meandering
moron. She is the VA's leading expert on DID.

Help me, Jesus.

I would rather ride 120 miles each way in a VA van to the closest VA in a large city where they have actual experts. And that cool MRI machine
that can measure your memory loss.

And I'm pretty sure one of the tribe slipped out and rescheduled our last
appointment because I have no memory of doing it. I will not have this
person destroy all the progress I've made. Because my bad alter is primed for a confrontation. And I'm not going to set myself up. One of
the others tangles with her, guess who goes to jail. And loses their care
and maybe my meds. That would be bad.

Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

[mote.of.soul]

Wow. Yes, I got a new doctor too, recently. Very happy about that. Grats on making the crucial decision!

Hey, and best of luck with the REM trauma treatment YoucancallmeFlower. Sounds like things will be moving forward. All the best.

[here today]

Great news about the other clinic!

I had "only" DDNOS, not DID. And I could consciously control and keep parts of me turned "off". But then -- I didn't have a clue about what was going on socially, didn't feel it when people were disrespectful to me, didn't understand where the landmines were in social relationships, etc. So "getting in touch" with my feelings, as therapists told me to do, seemed reasonable.

But then, when I was in an "activated" state and allowed it "on" in therapy, because it was therapy after all, several therapists, including one who had a Ph.D. and a 2-year postdoc training in trauma and dissociation, didn't get it in my case either. I could keep the state turned "off" but couldn't alway control my behavior when I allowed it "on". Finally, I had enough of their uninformed opinions. I'm also, now, much more integrated and so I do have better control and coordination among the states. But what I can do now I definitely couldn't before.

So, I understand. I've read enough about DID and the differences between that and DDNOS that yes, I certainly understand that you can't control it!!

Wishing you the best of luck!!

Good for you!
i have DId also. Here is a blog with tons of helful resources in case you have not seen it.
www.discussingdissociation.com

[YoucancallmeFlower]

Thanks for your support!

I truly appreciate it. Called and cancelled and next week will speak to
the Chief of Staff. Keeping this treatment from me is unforgivable. I have never understood why it's not available at the regular VA when so many vets come in with PTSD.

I could rant on about this but this isn't my private soapbox. And it's not me. My last two therapists treated me for six years each with both changes only happening because of out of state moves. I
didn't go back to the military after almost fifty years with my hand out.
I was forced to by social security. Ah ha!

And whatever you've heard about vets being homeless and getting sub
par care and waiting years for their benefits--WHATEVER YOU'VE
HEARD--the reality is much, much worse.

You see, they expect those of us with mh issues to walk around with our heads down in an attitude of perpetual shame. Ya know that don't cut it with the Flower I might have to take the fallout but I don't have to take the rap!

So thanks again for your support and your thanks and hugs and for reading this. I'll keep you posted.

[here today]

Originally Posted by YoucancallmeFlower

. . .
You see, they expect those of us with mh issues to walk around with our heads down in an attitude of perpetual shame. Ya know that don't cut it with the Flower I might have to take the fallout but I don't have to take the rap!
. . .

Thanks, soldier. For all who have mh issues and have experienced similar attitudes. It's not just at the VA.