[MRT6211]

I’ve really, really been struggling lately. Life has been very stressful and I kinda half-relapsed with self-harm (I’m not cutting like usual, but doing something else that’s probably considered self harm). Now I can’t stop, though. And I have been trying to use my DBT skills like I’m supposed to. But it’s just not working. I seriously can’t stop myself. I turned in my supplies to my T, as she requested, and then I went digging through discarded things to recover some to use. (Trying to keep vague to not trigger anyone/give anyone ideas because what I do is...unique...) I feel pathetic. I try and try with skills and I feel like I’m doing them wrong. I can’t be mindful because my thoughts are racing. I feel like my brain is back to pre-Lamictal levels of fuzziness and racing thoughts. I seriously feel like my head is going to explode. And T thinks I’m throwing in the towel, so she said she’s gonna throw it in too, because she’s not working harder than I am. She said I’m self-sabatoging at the worst time and that there’s never been a more important time for me to use skills and I’m throwing everything that I’ve worked for away. She’s right. But idk why in doing it. I feel like a worthless failure. I thought I was doing well in DBT, but apparently not...

[LonesomeTonight]

You’re not a failure, just struggling. Since you mention the Lamictal, is it possible you need a higher dose of that or other med adjustment?

[satsuma]

It doesn't sound very supportive for your T to accuse you of "throwing in the towel". It seems like this would just make you feel worse about yourself than you already do and lead to even stronger feelings/urges?

My T used to say "I know you are coping in the best way you can right now" and kind of took away the stress around the subject. I think that was key.

[NP_Complete]

Originally Posted by satsuma

It doesn't sound very supportive for your T to accuse you of "throwing in the towel". It seems like this would just make you feel worse about yourself than you already do and lead to even stronger feelings/urges?

My T used to say "I know you are coping in the best way you can right now" and kind of took away the stress around the subject. I think that was key.

I agree with this. My therapist has told me multiple times that I'm doing the best that I can right now. I've asked him more than once to please not give up on me and he's always responded that he won't. When he says these things I feel supported. I would be terribly hurt if he told me he was "throwing in the towel". I might say something to this T that it didn't feel supportive, that you're already struggling and you need to feel like somebody's got your back.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Does your therapist allow outside contact? Can you contact them to get some extra support right now?

[maybeblue]

My experience with mental illness is that it simply does seem to flare up at exactly the wrong time. I never can exactly figure out why I can be doing really well for a long time and then poof, I'm not. The thing that is tough for me to remember is that it always passes.

I guess what I would hope for you is that you would be patient with yourself, and try to do the least harmful thing that will still work to get you through this. It isn't that you have failed. I bet you are actually doing much better than you would have if you had not learned the DBT skills at all. This is just the nature of mental illness. Hopefully the times that it happens will get less and less. But it's like diabetes. We'll probably have to keep an eye on it for the rest of our lives.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I know this is more about therapy, but have you talked to your doctor about anti-psychotics? I take Abilify just for my sui thoughts and SH. It works wonders! I can go months now without either bothering me. Yes, when a depressive episode comes, the thoughts start to come back, but even then, they're minimal.