[thegreenmarker]

I tend to be a little touchy (which is why I'm in therapy haha) so I wanted to ask what you would think of this situation.

MyT is helping me find a T who does DBT. She gave me the name of someone she's known for 20 years and says she is great. MyT gave me her email address. I looked the NewT up online and she has no website and no contact info online. There are just a few sites about her teaching in different schools. I figured she probably isn't interested in having new clients so I came back to MyT the next week and said what I felt. MyT said that was not the case at all, she's trying to build a practice in our area and shared with me NewT's phone number to call.

I called NewT and she called me back the following day. The conversation went like this:

NewT: Hi, this is NewT. Is this thegreenmarker?
Me: Yes, this is she.
NewT: How can I help you?
Me: *tell her I'm looking for DBT and my therapist recommended her*
NewT: Do you want to make an appointment and we can talk about whether we should work together?
Me: I've never done DBT and don't know much about it. What would individual DBT be like?
NewT: We'd identify your problem behaviors and then change them.
Me: Ok, where is your office in "NeighboringTown"?
NewT: in "NeighboringTown." (yes, she wouldn't tell me her address, just repeated the town name)
Me: And you don't take insurance?
NewT: No.
Me: How much is a session?
NewT: $275
Me: What is the CPT code to check if I have out-of-network benefits?
NewT: Same one as usual
Me: *silent for 20 seconds because I'm nervous to admit I don't know the code*
NewT: *finally says code*
Me: *don't know what else to ask and feel like I need to schedule an appointment with her since I took up her time* Ok, when would be the next available appointment?
*Go back and forth with dates and times, but finally pick a date and time in a week and a half*
NewT: Do you want me to dictate the address or can I just text it to this number?
Me: You can text it.
*say goodbye and end call*

Now it's been a week and she still hasn't texted me her address.

What would you make of this exchange? I felt like she didn't really want to talk to me and was giving short, vague answer because she just wanted me to make an appointment already and then she would talk to me. I also feel a bit weird that she still hasn't texted me her address. I don't even know where I'm supposed to be going in 4 days. However, I'm anxious and can jump to conclusions so I wanted to know what others think.

Me: How much would an appointment be?
NewT:

[ruh roh]

This kind of exchange would not cause me to make an appointment at all. In fact, I would consider it a good reason not to see them. Every time I've looked for a therapist in the past and talked to them on the phone, they would answer all my questions and it would be a conversation. The first time I talked to my current therapist, she was friendly, listened well, answered all of my questions and then offered a free 15 minute in person appointment to meet and see how things felt in person.

I think your complication is that your therapist recommended this person, so maybe you feel some obligation or trust, but in my experience these professional recommendations don't hold much water. The fact that your therapist thinks this person is great doesn't really mean a whole lot since they were not seeing them as a client but as a peer and peers relate to each other very differently. Whenever my therapist has suggested another professional, I have no problem letting her know what I think about the referral, after talking to them or doing research about them.

[LonesomeTonight]

I personally find it very odd that she wouldn't tell you her address until you made an appointment. And I'm used to seeing T's with websites that include their address and other contact info.

I would also be bothered that she wouldn't really answer questions. With current T, and I think ex-T (it was 7 years ago!) I had brief conversations with them on the phone about what I was looking for, whether they thought they could provide it, etc. And got a bit of a sense of what they like, as both seemed pretty personable. (And not sure if you're talking US dollars, but wow, that's expensive! I thought my T was pricey at $175...)

As far as not texting you the address, that may have just been an oversight, like she got busy and forgot. If you still want to see her, maybe just text her (if that was her cell?) and ask her to send it. Or leave her a voicemail and ask her to send it. Also, presumably your T would know her address, so you could possibly ask her?

[toomanycats]

$275 is absolutely ridiculous. That alone would be a hard no from me.

[AllHeart]

I agree with RR and LT. Sounds like a strange phone call all around. I would also have a huge problem with this t asking, "Do you want to make an appointment and we can talk about whether we should work together?" right off the bat. She offers you no information about herself or her services, doesn't ask you anything about what you are looking for, but expects you to plunk down $275 for an appointment, immediately? I personally would not invest my time or money in pursuing this therapist further. If she does even text you her address and you still want to see her, I would request a free phone consultation of 15 minutes or so so you can ask her more specific questions to see if it's even worth your time to see her. As is, she sounds like she'll be more of a hassle to deal with. And an expensive one at that.

[seeker33]

I personally wouldn't like to work with this therapist.

[Blacky89]

Going by your phone conversation alone, I personally wouldn’t want to work with her. She doesn’t sound very approachable at all!
However my confusion would come from whether I trust my current T, seeing as she is recommending her. You would like to think she is recommending her because she knows you well enough to think you would be matched well. Hmmmm

[ElectricManatee]

If you can find somebody else who does DBT, I would try them first. I think you're right to think some things about this feel a little off.

[1stepatatime]

275.00??? Ummmm, no way. Sorry, but where does she get off charging THAT kind of money?? That’s completely ridiculous. I think anything over 140.00 is too much. My therapist ( thankfully) does sliding scale for me. But even if she didn’t, I know for a fact she would not nowhere near 275.00

[JaneTennison1]

My T is super awkward on the phone. To the point that I refuse any phone sessions now. I would go and meet the t before final judgement.

That being said the price would put me off unless covered a lot by insurance.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

275.00??? Ummmm, no way. Sorry, but where does she get off charging THAT kind of money?? That’s completely ridiculous. I think anything over 140.00 is too much. My therapist ( thankfully) does sliding scale for me. But even if she didn’t, I know for a fact she would not nowhere near 275.00

Thank you for this. I'm floored. No way!

[tomatenoir]

There are a lot of red flags here. If the price were more reasonable/an initial consulting price I might say meet her in person before you decide, but given how astronomical her fee is, her customer service should really be second to none. Which it isn't.

Personally, I'd cancel and shop around. Your T can always let her colleague know why you cancelled. If this woman is worth working with, surely she'd call you and clear things up at that point?

And I agree with whoever said that your therapist's recommendation doesn't carry a lot of weight here -- she's a colleague of this woman, not a client.

[maybeblue]

I'm touchy and sensitive too, but that isn't always without reason. Based on her brief responses and never texting her address as promised, I'd wonder if she really wanted the business. It would also bother me a lot that she didn't have a professional website. If she charges that much she should be able to afford one, and they are just expected these days. Does she have an office or would you be seeing her in her home?

I'd call and leave a message say something like "I'm canceling for now because you never sent me your address, and I'm feeling really uncomfortable about this. I'm going to talk to my regular therapist and see what I should do from here." Then I'd see if I could get another referral.

[*Laurie*]

Nope. The whole situation sounds insensitive and odd.

[Ididitmyway]

I'd end the conversation after I heard $275. I wouldn't even think of paying this kind of $$ to any T no matter how good they are. This would be just one reason alone for me to forget about this T.

Even if she didn't charge the outrageous fees, I wouldn't consider seeing anyone who doesn't sound like they are interested in getting new clients. She certainly didn't sound interested on the phone and the fact that she doesn't have any publicly available contact information suggests that she is either not interested in getting clients or she is a weirdo, who is not in touch with reality and who lives in her own world. Either case is a good reason to dismiss her.

[starfishing]

I would think she's pretty terrible with administrative tasks and bad on the phone. I'd also think she's pretty pricey, though I know there are therapists in my area who charge that much.

If I could afford her fee, it would probably come down to how much I valued my current therapist's recommendation. I've seen competent therapists who seemed odd on the phone and who were a bit disorganized about handling stuff with new patients. I've also seen a couple of therapists with no/minimal internet presence because they preferred word of mouth referrals (or at least were fine filling their practice from referrals alone). And while I find her description of DBT seriously off-putting, maybe you don't. She might be worth a try, but it really depends on what you value and need.

[*Laurie*]

I don't know where you're located, but that therapist reminds me of someone who would work with extremely wealthy, high-status clients. The fee she charges, doesn't take health insurance, she blew you off....sounds like she's trying to establish a very specific kind of client base. I would be disgusted by a therapist who was like that.

[88Butterfly88]

Sounds odd to me, I think she should have explained DBT a little. I agree with toomanycats, that is crazy expensive. If it was me I'd pass.

[scorpiosis37]

Does she expect you to pay $275 for the initial consultation? If so— and your insurance doesn’t cover it I would not go. Most T’s will offer either a free phone consultation or a free/reduced 15-30 minute initial session just to see if it’s a good fit. If she doesn’t do that and wants to charge $275 before you even know what DBT is like— no thanks.

I get that some T’s just suck on the phone. In fact, the first phone call I had with my now ex-T didn’t go that well. I thought she was a little rude. But she offered a $10 first session so I went. And she was great in person. But if she had charged $275– no way.

[SalingerEsme]

Part of her actual job is to imbue the first contact with a sense of safety. There is no way I would go further.

[amicus_curiae]

I’m always very suspicious of the don’t-take-insurance/cash-only (and premium cash!) therapists. They’re either 1) very, very good or 2) not very good at all. At those prices you should be talking to an M.D./shrink.

If she’s a Masters’ trying to build a practice, she’s going about it the wrong way.

Ooh-ooh-oh.

[elisewin]

One regular lenght session 275?? Not a whole course or something? That sounds like a huge amount of money.

[MoxieDoxie]

She would not give you here address because I bet she is opening her practice in a room in her home.

$275 is out of line for a 1hr session. I would have asked her what made her so special she could charge that much.

[missbella]

I had a terrible experience with a group therapist my individual one recommended. They were in a consulting group together. I learned the hard way that one therapist hasn't the slightest idea how another conducts herself with clients, and it was a problem when I returned to the first one.

My big lesson is to judge professionals myself no matter who recommended them.

[growlycat]

I chose my current t because he offered a free 20 minute consult to see if we clicked enough for me to come in. It really helped me to pick him over others who didn’t even want to spare five minutes for a basic explanation of locaction, fees etc. trust your gut.