Extra Support

Hi, as most of you know, I had a bit of a rupture with my T. He took away a huge piece of my weekly support, that had been going on for many months. Prior to that, I went from 8 weeks of 2x a week to weekly.

The thing is, I found myself overall happier and more content to make it though the week on 2x a week, it was like I had a better chance to "sort" things and carry on. Weekly, made it difficult and I could feel myself more often depressed.
Agreeing on the weekly outside contact for Friday was a nice compromise. Not ideal but it was something.

The problem is, I never told T (or anyone, including my bestie) about my depression. It's been going on for months and I just hide it from everyone. My main reason in hiding from him was I knew I could not do 2x a week anyway so I didn't want to throw all that out there, and sit on all the feelings from it for a whole week.

Now with everything that has happened, I am more depressed than I was. I don't have real life support outside him or my dog. My bestie lives far away, as do most of the people I regularly talk to. Losing this extra weekly support has just really made me feel more alone.

I don't want to swap T's, even if staying is not the best idea to everyone, it is still what I'm choosing to do... but now I feel I have to talk about the depression because it's becoming too much. Any idea on how to get that extra support I feel
I am now missing? I am gonna need it. I miss times when 2x a week helped me feel more stable and happy in life. Sigh...

*Also no suggesting to make new friends, I have issues with social stuff, another thing I need to work on but making new friends is extremely difficult for me... and trusting them is a whole different issue.

I saw one therapist at the beginning of the week and one at the end of the week - they were each not completely unuseful in different areas. Have you thought about adding in another one? Or possibly volunteering at a an animal shelter or rescue place to walk or groom the dogs?

Why couldn't you just tell him about your depression and your real need to go to therapy 2 times per week? Or is there any particular reason you couldn't go regularly 2 times per week?

Ya his company only allows it in crisis
8 weeks is the max.

And stopdog... i have been contacting rescues to volunteer with

But what is the reason for such policy?

To prevent dependancy. Had the opposite effect for me.

Good God. Such ignorance.

Not yours DP. The agency.

[QUOTE=DP_2017;6137761]

The problem is, I never told T (or anyone, including my bestie) about my depression. It's been going on for months and I just hide it from everyone. My main reason in hiding from him was I knew I could not do 2x a week anyway so I didn't want to throw all that out there, and sit on all the feelings from it for a whole week.

Chances are, your therapist already knows you're depressed, and is waiting for you to start talking about it. It doesn't matter where you start; start anywhere.

That sucks I’ve experienced similar. And I too have issues making new friends (and bigger issues in trusting them)

I agree about telling t about depression, it’s hard but start anywhere. A good t will be understanding

LOL ya, was much better when he had his own private practice. I was never "bad" during that 2x a week time, as far as too much contact or a abandonment fear that was strong etc. it all happened being put on weekly. sucks

[QUOTE=coolibrarian;6137794]You are probably right, he said a few sessions ago my email I sent felt like I was very sad... and then this past week he said my faces I was making seemed to show a lot of sadness.

Good thing I'm not alone, some people think it is so easy. It is not. Unless it's making friends with a dog

I'm quite often amazed about the stupidity of the therapists I read about in this forum. Of course it would have an opposite effect on you! Don't take it as an offence please. I'm not implying that your particular T is stupid but this policy nevertheless expresses a short-minded view.

I'm going 4xweek and for first couple of years I was so dependent regardless of that - it was difficult to wait for the next morning and the weekends were sometimes completely paralysing. And my T actually allowed me to call on top of these 4 weekly sessions in case I desperately needed. The vacations were a nightmare.

But this dependency subsided completely in itself. I still go 4 times per week (because the modality is such) but for long time I'm not dependent like this anymore. At some point my T stopped allowing phone calls and emails and I was angry to him for that. He disallowed it because I started to present some very intensive borderline'ish behaviours but at the same time he somehow sensed that I don't actually need this extra support anymore. Oh I was angry but I was even more angry when I realised that he was right - that I indeed did not need it anymore. I mean, how come? He is so stupid but how could he make a correct judgement??

Ya it shocked me too that the company has this policy. Not my T directly. He did not do this at his private practice.

However I'm unsure how "honest" he is being about what happened last Friday, if he just blew me off out of fear of things being too much or if his boss really said that a client can not return to 2x a week. Either way it's annoying because like you, I found myself so much more content and happy after a while, like the "bad" things I was struggling with had a place to go more than once a week.... so I felt free of it. I always have had any access I wanted, but I rarely used it then. I actually emailed 5x a week last week when I had my anxiety attack and things went south from there... but in the past year, I had NEVER emailed that often. It's sad they can't see this, it's different for everyone. I keep wishing I could talk to his boss myself and try to come with a bi weekly 2x a week option or something, at least for a month or two until I get away from this, I am tired of talking to people at the crisis center

There's better therapeutic experiences to be had out there.
I've never had anything taken away.
I use email for asking questions. I get full explanatory replies.
Make a change. You might be glad you did.

Well, it was taken away because he was supposedly doing things he should not be doing. It more or less was to protect himself. He claims he will still do a short check in today but that's soley based on if he remembers, which is unlikely.

There might be but this was a fantastic experience for me too until last week. I don't want to waste a year or more with someone else waiting for things to change. He has not changed anything else but this so I'm not quitting. I kind of get it, I was crazy needy and ridiculous as well. Again, he also had no idea I'm deeply depressed so he would not know that the "distance" would be bad on me. Hence my thread.... lol

But the change was fundamental.

Seeing someone more knowledgable about attachment would feel rewarding immediately.

Anyways. Thsas my final word.

Good luck.

I went 2x a week for 7 years. went to once a week last year. it definitely was an adjustment. however I was dependent on my t. I was isolated and solely relied on t for support. I found that once we reduced sessions as well as outside contact... I did branch out. not to say it wasn't and still isn't painful. but I did find it helpful for me

there are a lot of Facebook groups that I have found to be supportive

Like stopdog I found that two therapists are better than one. For me it reduced my anxiety that I was going to be "too much" for a therapist and that he or she would fire me because I figured that at least I had a spare. It actually helped with the increasingly severe attachment I had with the first therapist. I still probably like her better to be honest, but therapist number 2 isn't bad either and he helps in different ways. For one thing he is male and I get practice being assertive with male authority figures.

If money is a consideration there are generally some lower cost options. I know many insurance companies won't pay for twice weekly except in certain cases. Around here both Catholic and Lutheran Charities offer low cost therapy and you apparently don't have to belong to the church to use it. They have real licensed therapists, not ministers.

It's up to you of course, but I don't see any harm in giving it a shot. I also see no need to tell the therapists about each other, at least in the beginning. I eventually did and it was fine, but at first when I wasn't sure T2 was going to be useful I kept it to myself.

I've read lots of things frowning on the idea of two therapist but I was considering a 1x visit with a second to just talk about my feelings about T.... but I'm not sure yet

I would consider group therapy but I think I'd pee my pants at the idea of trying to talk amidst a group of people.

First, I think you definitely should try talking to him about your depression, and agree with the person who said it's likely he's already picked up on that.

Second, I'm glad to see you're looking at volunteering at a rescue. I am also very bad at making friends but I find it helpful to join in group activities where I'm around people but there isn't a lot of talking—exercise classes, yoga, things like that can be very good, because there isn't much pressure to "make friends" but it's still somewhat social.

I agree with the idea of a second therapist. I think it's definitely worth giving it a shot--it might help you cope and it would also help your relationship with your current T. You can maybe start by going a couple of times and just see how you feel?

Would you be open to group counseling or a support group?

It took me a bit to get used to my women-only trauma group, but it's now a huge support for me & also makes me feel like my T isn't the only place I have to go when I need help.

TMC I would but I hate groups of people. My social anxiety is terrible with anything more than 2 people besides me. I would probably wet myself or throw up. My T suggested this a while back but It's just not something I think would work for me. I need to work on my social issues first

You're not going to be able to progress against your social anxiety without pushing yourself to actually literally confront it, though. I'm 100% certain there are groups specifically about social anxiety too, so they would be sensitive to it.

Yeah, I'm going 3 times a week right now. I feel dependent (I call it needy) on my therapist, he knows about it and is okay with it, doesn't shame me about it and we talk about it when needed. He's told me he's glad that he can fill that role for me right now. If I was forced into the once-a-week model arbitrarily, I would not be okay with that. Why aren't the individual needs of the client taken into account?

NP --IDk, he went above and beyond for me so much though that I felt in a sense I was... but then my abandonment fears kicked in and instead of trying to understand them, he got spooked and thought I was too close or whatever and cut off the Friday contact we have had for almost a year. I am still gonna bring it up more again Tues and see if for at least a month we can figure out something better than this current thing. I always thought it was good for me to depend on him somewhat, as I am used to being extremely independent... but I guess not.

TMC-- Maybe, I just browsed the ones in my area and nothing for SA other than for teens. So nothing of use for me right now. I can keep and eye out.