Extra Support

While I certainly can't know for sure, I suspect that when the OP's T "consulted" with someone following her email, the term BPD came up and his viewpoint on the relationship changed. "These people" (as Stopdog refers to them) tend to become very skittish when they think there's a "Borderline" in the house.

Nope, he has said that I am not BPD. He thinks I was just too dependent... which is ridiculous considering how rarely I emailed or anything on an average week.... it was because he read way more into the email than intended and instead of asking more about it, just went with that he thought.

Also my T is fine with BPD patients, he has told me before he had people refer them to him because of his personality and stuff, he tends to work well with them and it is hard to find T's who will

I was only ever in a DBT group, but there are different kind of people in there - some like me who are jumping to answer and get called on and then normal people who pretty much just sit there quietly like adults . So if you can work up the nerve to just wave your hand and mumble "pass"...? just being there is working on your social issues.

I've been going mostly twice a week for two years now with no problems. My T also allows however much outside contact I need. She isn't bothered by it at all and in fact seems pleased that I'm able to trust and rely on her in a way I couldn't before.

For people with emotionally neglectful backgrounds, I think depending only on yourself becomes second nature, which can make it hard to have satisfying relationships. I've gotten much more comfortable with new people and socializing (joined a book club and a yoga class) because of the work I've been doing in therapy in the last few years. I agree that having a T who understands attachment and can work with it instead of exacerbating the underlying problem is key. I don't feel like I have to force myself to leave the house or try to make friends. It's much more organic and natural than that because of the changes that are happening inside me. Eventually I can see that I won't need my T as much, but that will be my/our decision, not something that occurs on somebody else's timeline.

This sounds like a t I saw... reading too much into stuff and making assumptions, rather than asking . I wasn’t too dependent or “clingy” - bleh. Assumptions grrrrrrrr

(But this t was ghastly in other ways )

Do you know what this "too dependent" means according to your T? How he suddenly came to the conclusion that you are too dependent?

Nope, not at all. I personally think his own feelings came into play big time here and he's just playing it cool. It's frustrating but whatever.

You could ask him what does he mean by that???

I would probably ask him what he meant as well ... it’s a dilemma when a t seems to come up with an unhelpful “interpretation” that doesn’t make sense ... to ask or not to ask

I’m guessing (from my experiences) that his personal feelings did come into it, and he’s playing it cool... I hope you can resolve this (maybe he made a mistake, I don’t know ... sorry I’m probably not being very helpful. The t I saw did dx me with “Avoidant pd” but he made far too many mistakes )

It sounds like you have a great T- really good relationship and trust

This does sound like a really great and trustworthy T!

I don't think you are "crazy needy." I think you've been tricked into thinking that by bad policies inflicted upon you.

Other than being with dogs, it's hard to imagine what extra support might look like for you if you don't want to involve a social element, a new therapist or open up vulnerable and potentially hurtful conversations with your existing therapist.

The social aspect is hard. I have social anxiety and was once agoraphobic. I'm not going to suggest making friends, but there are other social things you might be able to do. Therapy groups. Exercise/gym/yoga classes (doesn't require much socialization. Classes like cooking or art. But 8f you really don't want to socialize (which I get) then you'll have to find ways to comfort yourself. Hot baths/showers, cuddling in a blanket, eating your favorite food, going for a walk/hike, etc.

It was this thread which got me reading (and posting ) more in this forum.

I “get” the social aspect too, fwiw.