[hopealwayz]

I’m sorry for this thread in advance and ask that you not be rough on me because I’m hurting. I can’t take these inconsistent email situations anymore.

My T is ignoring me now and it’s about an important issue of trying to get an opening because I couldn’t get in for 2 weeks because he was booked.

No response.

I told him that I can’t do this anymore. I think it’s the inconsistency of it that is the most hurtful part.

I just don’t really want to deal with it anymore.

[seeker33]

I'm so sorry you're still hurting so much Hope! How long have you been waiting for a response?

[hopealwayz]

All week. I know that I shouldn’t be upset but it’s painful for me.

[hopealwayz]

It just so inconsistent with him.

[hopealwayz]

Finally I wrote and told him that he could charge me but asked if he could please write me back.

[DP_2017]

Just call his office. T's often get to a point where they don't respond to everything. If you need help try calling crisis line in the meantime or look into a new t. Even a session or two. Has he put limits on your emailing?

[Nammu]

So you do have an appointment, it's just 2 weeks away? Can you just call the receptionist and calmly ask to be put on the cancellation list?

[hopealwayz]

No limitations on email. I can go in 2 weeks but I honestly want to just go end the therapy in person.

[Crook32]

Are you sure he didn’t take the week off for the holiday? I know some people that do that.

[hopealwayz]

No, he was there this week.

[DP_2017]

Well wait the 2 weeks. Go in and end it
In the meantime start searching for another t and email or call them about maybe working with them instead.

He changed limits? You had some before after all the contact super bowl sunday. I also remember you saying no texting allowed etc. Maybe he just is busy with other clients and figured you can wait to talk in person

[hopealwayz]

I wish he would be clear with me. He was good with emails last week.

I’m just not really happy anymore. Honestly.

[hopealwayz]

I feel like an idiot.

[DP_2017]

If you're unhappy with him. Seriously consider a new t. It wont help you going forward if you're unhappy with him. My t usually is good with emails but he ignores them at times too. I rarely send them but its still his habit to not reply.

Just happens. They want you to find other resources outside tside of them. Mine has said that a few times.

If you decide to stay. Ask him once and for all what's too much etc. You've been annoyed with him often lately regarding contact so maybe it's also not a good match for you.

Going forward if you swap t's. Ask the new one straight up about contact limits so you know exactly what to ecoect

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

If you're unhappy with him. Seriously consider a new t. It wont help you going forward if you're unhappy with him. My t usually is good with emails but he ignores them at times too. I rarely send them but its still his habit to not reply.

Just happens. They want you to find other resources outside tside of them. Mine has said that a few times.

If you decide to stay. Ask him once and for all what's too much etc. You've been annoyed with him often lately regarding contact so maybe it's also not a good match for you.

Going forward if you swap t's. Ask the new one straight up about contact limits so you know exactly what to ecoect

I think this is all really good advice. It seems like your expectations related to outside contact are not consistent with what your T is doing or offers. Perhaps it would be more helpful to you to have a consistent therapy time each week with a clear pathway for changing that schedule (i.e. call the office and leave a voicemail to reschedule) and set times for a certain number of emails (I've seen others say they email on Tuesdays & Thursdays for example), with a clear window on when and how he'll respond. Write it all down so both of you have access to it.

[Nammu]

This is a familiar pattern. You didn't get what you wanted, a sooner appointment. So you frantic email demanding a sooner appointment and he ignores you so you're going to show HIM who's boss, and quit.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I’m sorry for this thread in advance and ask that you not be rough on me because I’m hurting. I can’t take these inconsistent email situations anymore.

My T is ignoring me now and it’s about an important issue of trying to get an opening because I couldn’t get in for 2 weeks because he was booked.

No response.

I told him that I can’t do this anymore. I think it’s the inconsistency of it that is the most hurtful part.

I just don’t really want to deal with it anymore.

From my perspective, there is no need to be sorry...we all post here for various reasons and have every right to do so, regardless of what the content might be.

I think that dealing with the uncertainties, interruptions in communications and bewilderment is one of the hardest parts of therapy!! And I have certainly come to the "can't do this" point - more than once. I think part and parcel of good therapy is to create consistency so you don't reach this point.

How is your "self-care," as they say? Can you distract in a healthy way?

Hope you can find a good balance as the day goes on.

[hopealwayz]

I’ve had a hard time lately. I was in a car accident two weeks ago and I’ve been under a lot of stress.

If you desire consistency, hope, I think the only realistically consistent method for you might be not doing any outside of session communication with therapists. Just see them once weekly or whenever in person and take the whole email etc out of the equation. Based on your posts here over time, I doubt that any T would be able to keep up with your outside requests in a consistent manner. Maybe consider a different kind of therapy, such as an Intensive Outpatient Program? I recall one T suggested similar things to you in the past. Maybe use this message board or a similar one when you have an urge to contact the T? That is free and does not need to be regular.

[DP_2017]

Have you looked into group therapy?

And yes good idea set your own boundaries. I do. So only email on mondays or something. Then journal or use other resources if your struggling after. You can't expect him to reply all the time when you need it. If he's booked for 2 weeks he's very busy. It sucks but we all deal with stuff like this. T cant be your only resource for stress etc
How's your puppy? Maybe you can walk them more or something or like i said if you can't deal with his contact or lack of. Consider someone else.

[hopealwayz]

It’s not just about emails. I feel like he’s rushing me through the therapy process and he keeps pushing the medication issue so much that it seems like he thinks therapy is pointless. If he’d listen to me in therapy, he’d realize that I was coming along at my own speed.

But then again, my frustration began after I started taking my other ADHD medication that was my secondary med and I think it made me moody.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have been trying to quit therapy while I was sorting the med issue.

[DP_2017]

Again, if you don;t think he is a good match for you, no point in continuing, you will just keep being frustrated and miserable....

Really consider if you want to stay and how to deal with it going forward if so or finding a new T better suited for your needs

This post was initially about the emails so that's what we commented on. Personally if you keep butting heads this much and he keeps frustrating you, I would not continue with him

[hopealwayz]

I really like him , I just think we need to refocus. I’ve been with him a year. I guess it’s normal to have to figure out the place I’m in now since it’s changed since I first started with him.

[hopealwayz]

I think I just want to feel heard by him again.

[Crook32]

I know this is slightly off topic but have you ever considered calling a warm line when you feel bad or overwhelmed? I did one by text message the other day. There are also online chats you could do. It might help to just talk to someone.