[Tryingtoheal77]

I'm struggling to fully explain myself in therapy. I think some of it is just finding the words and being open. Another thing is I find on my appointments I'm usually feeling "ok" and not in my worst feelings. I've thought about journaling/writing when I am feeling bad and bringing that in for her to read. She's never brought it up though, and I'm not sure how to approach it. Do I just say, here I wrote this please read it? She doesn't offer email. If any of you have experience with doing this, how did you do it?

Thanks

[TrailRunner14]

I do that all the time.

Sometimes I can’t find the words either and I’m trying to verbalize what I’m trying to say. I just stop and say, “May I please just read it to you?” My counselor is very understanding and tells me to please read it.

It gets it out there and then we can talk about it.

There have been times that I have asked him to read something silently and then we talk “around” it and that has helped greatly.

[Elio]

Yes, I journal to my T. I'm trying to remember how we started. I think it started with me just sharing parts of what I had wrote during session. In the beginning, I'd hand it to her to read. Well in the very beginning, I started seeing her for a life altering event and I showed up with lots of stuff for her to read. I could barely talk then. As we transitioned away from crisis support to ongoing therapy, I still brought in what I had written. Most the time I would hand to her to read. I would push myself to read what I could. Somewhere after a few months of the ongoing therapy, we transitioned to where I gave her my journal and she read it between sessions. We'd talk about what I wrote if and only if I bring it up with a few exceptions mostly around safety and death or if I directly asked her if there was anything she thought stood out. We've been working this way for 2 yrs. There are parts of the journal that I mark as private and do not give her at all or at that moment. Overall, this has been a great way for her to see inside me and the random thoughts that come up and through.

I am able to read a lot more now that I used to. I don't remember the last thing I handed to her to read because I couldn't voice it. Sometimes I'll try to talk about it without reading and I'll end up pulling out my journal because I felt like I said it much better there not so much because I can't talk about the topic.

[InnerPeace111]

Yes, I journal and then I oftentimes bring my journal to therapy. I read parts of it aloud to my T - just the parts, though, that I feel are relevant for whatever I’m focusing on in each session. I never hand my journal to my T to read. I find it works very well for me.

[velcro003]

Yep. My T realized early on that I am much better at expressing myself through words than in person (in which i curl into a ball and am barely responsive). She has always encouraged e-mails, and now I have started taking in my journal entries for her to read. She always reads my emails, but says she can't always respond, and then we don't discuss whatever it is I e-mailed about.

It is frightenting to have her read my journal entries (and it is a new thing), but I know she needs to know my "real" thoughts, so I am continuing to do it despite the anxiety.

I bet your T will welcome written thoughts, as it seems many T's understand that it is easier to write stuff down than speak them.

[DP_2017]

Yep often. Go for it.

[feralkittymom]

There were several months when abuse memories were coming back that I wrote them in letter form. I'd give them to him to read. He wanted me to read them to him, but I never could. Some we'd talk about, many we wouldn't. Mostly I needed him to know, and by writing I could get the thoughts out of my head.

Caveat: I don't know if I'm unusual in journaling so much to my therapist. I don't have email access.

I type and bring in really, really long journals to my T.

At first it was short, like one page which I'd hand her to read or read out myself.

Then they got longer as my trust grew because I turned it into a journal to write about stuff and process things in between sessions. It's lesser now, around 10 - 50 pages double sided pages per fortnight but it could hit 80 double sided pages if it was one month between sessions or I'm having a lot of intrusive memories... I know it's still a lot so I'm trying to cut it down further.

I feel intense panic and pain when I forget to hand them over or tell myself not to print them out to give to her. There was a time when she said she might not read them and questioned my intense need to give them to her and I burst into hysterical crying... It's like...my way of being as open and vulnerable as possible despite lots of mistrust and fear of judgment and fear of rejection because I'm so closed off and hard to open up in actual sessions.

T reads them at her own pace and I try to bring up what I've written. I know some people's T comments on their journals, but mine are way too long for that. Somehow I "need" to know she reads them, however slowly or briefly. I just need to know she reads these vulnerable and intensely private offerings from me and doesn't just shove them my file.

She'll briefly mention themes I'm processing through the journal or instances of abuse I documented there since my memory is like Swiss Cheese. For example recently she remarked I "know a lot about narcissism" and some time back, she reminded me of several incidents of abuse I'd clean forgot about because I was defending my abusers and saying "it wasn't that bad, just some mild X and Y."

I still read out much short chunks (a sentence or up to half a page) like when I want to articulate something difficult, or express my thoughts and emotions about a rupture. She wants me to be more spontaneous and try to say difficult things without resorting to the words I've spent a long time crafting. But recognizes I use words to capture how I feel before I forget (emotional amnesia lol) like a snapshot and to articulate complex things more clearly.

[TrailRunner14]

There has also been times between my appointment times when really hard things have come up, and I didn’t know how I was going to contain it until I met with my counselor again.

When that happens, I write it out on a card. It’s just a blank note card with an envelope.

I write it out and put it in the envelope and close it.

In my mind, I feel like it’s contained and safe until I can share it with him the next time that we meet.

It usually happens that I bring the card out and let him know that there is something troubling and triggering in the envelope.

We talk about how each part of me feels about it and work up to him reading it silently and then we talk around it.

That has helped me greatly and I just wanted to share that with you.

[MRT6211]

Yes, I journal to my T. I send them to her and she reads them and comments and sends them back and then we discuss the stuff in them during session. It has worked wonders for me, as this was the only way I found myself able to open up to her at first. I didn’t make any real progress until I started doing this.

I type things up and bring them in all the time. In the past I used to just hand them to her and tell her to read them to herself. I also sometimes email her something that I want to talk about but know I'll have trouble bringing up so I can just say - "So that email I sent you..." and it's easier to start the conversation that way.

[junkDNA]

years ago T bought me 2 journals to write in. I'd give him one and keep the other to write in. he'd keep the one he had and read it. we'd discuss at session then swap the journals out. I found it very helpful in the beginning of my therapy because I struggled a lot with expressing myself verbally

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I don't do it regularly. But sometimes there's phases where I have so much going on during one week and I find it all so important and need to share it all (for example having loads of memories from childhood coming up and I'd feel alone if I couldn't tell them all). In these situations, T usually suggests I write the things down, and he will ask for the journal at the beginning of the session (or I can say that I want to give the journal to him). And then he will usually ask if there's anything he should read now (we'd not have time to go over the whole thing), and he will keep the rest to read. I print it out for him and write it on my computer to make it easier for him, otherwise he'd copy it, so that I still have my stuff.

[Deejay14]

Yes, it can be very helpful, especially if a lot has happened and for whatever reason your memory is not that great.

Yup. All the time. It started for me because I would leave feeling frustrated and dissatisfied that I couldn't say the things I needed to so I wrote a letter, put it in an envelope and brought it with. The actual handing it over part was terrifying though but I knew it would only take maybe 10 seconds of bravery to do it.... anyone can be brave for 10 seconds, right? After that it just became second nature and now I bring something to every appointment.

[LonesomeTonight]

Yep, I do this sometimes, both because I express myself better in written form and because sometimes I'm afraid to say certain things out loud. So I'll type and print something out and hand it to him at start of session to read. Or I've held onto it and read select parts to him. I also recently sent an e-mail where I was like, "We really need to talk about x in session. I keep pushing it away, but we should address it." He said he often gets e-mails like that from clients, and it's fine to send something like that.

[ElectricManatee]

Yes, the first time I think I just said, "I brought something that I would like you to read. Is that okay?" My former T wanted me to read it aloud to her, but after I balked and gave her a hard no, she read it silently to herself. With my current T, I have found it useful to write about things that are difficult to talk about or things that I feel outside of session but not when I'm with her. I think it's a pretty common thing to do.

[Fuzzybear]

Yes I have .. pre written notes, (etc)... it helped....

[mindmechanic]

Do it. That's your session and your time. I do not see why a therapist would have any problems reading your journal during session. I think that good therapists would actually appreciate that and applaud you for it. A good therapist should also be flexible and understanding to know that it can be challenging to verbalize our thoughts and feelings. I'd be worried and uncomfortable if I've a therapist who doesn't appreciate written material or is unwilling to read them during our meeting time.

Why doesn't she offer email? Would it be possible for you to send her your thoughts some time before the session?

[Tryingtoheal77]

Originally Posted by mindmechanic

Why doesn't she offer email? Would it be possible for you to send her your thoughts some time before the session?

Well, I haven't asked about email specifically (so it's not like she's refusing it). She's part of a larger practice, and they don't/haven't given out email info on any of their practitioners.