[MissCharlotte]

No more nice fantasy about quitting.

I am in the midst of a tunnel and I can't find my way out. The further I go, the murkier and darker it gets. There's slime in here and I am covered with it. I'm afraid I won't ever find light again. T will reject me today and I will be stuck in here. Someone will see my wounds but they won't care and this is where I'll live forever with the rats.

I just hate this. I hate it.

I don't want to get out of bed right now and face the day. But as soon as I post this I will.

Arggggggh

(((((sister))))))))))))
I hear you. can hold your hand and you can follow me out
I care
Here is a candle we will find our way out

here am holding it for you we will find our way out


my friend (((((((((sister)))))))))

(((((((((sister)))))))

hoping your day becomes brighter, gentle hugs. Jinny xxxx

[Perna]

Good decision, there's no light in bed :-)

When I was 6 & 7, I'd take a bath and get out and it would be "cold" so I'd huddle, with the towel around my shoulders, next to the toilet! It got so I'd be stuck there, couldn't leave the limited warmth to dry off further, be without the towel so I could get dressed in my PJ's and then get in the warmer bed. My stepmother would realize I must/should have finished my bath by "now" and come in and find me there and grab me up and dry me roughly (and warmly) and hustle me into the PJ's and warm bed, etc. But I still remember how "stuck" I would be (whether waiting/hoping for my stepmother to come and care for me or whether I was just stuck because I'm an always/easily-getting-stuck sort of person) and how "impossible" it would seem to "continue" in the right direction.

Why, since it seems you are stuck in a tunnel, don't you treat that fantasy like a lucid dream and change the images? "See" a pinpoint of light and wonder what it is and go toward it. You could be in a railroad tunnel, under a curved hill in Switzerland :-) (why there was no light at the end for awhile) or, if you want to get "difficult" you could be travelling up Jungfraujoch, all under the mountain AND going uphill :-) http://www.myswitzerland.com/html/of...ess-92165.html Or, there could be a warm "being" who lets off a light and as you get closer you get more light, etc.

[Mouse_]

Sister, I know that type of thinking. Especially being stuck with the rats, cept for me it was also that I was down in a cellar. I don't think the its so much that it will happen "today" I think that its already happened, and "today" at least you can voice your fears and get them heard and met. The rats are gone, but they were there once!

[pachyderm]

I need your candle light too.

[MissCharlotte]

((((Muffy))))

Thanks for the light. I need it bad.

[MissCharlotte]

(((Jinny)))

Thanks.

(((Perna)))

I love your metaphor. It resonated with me. It describes exactly how I feel. I am like a deer stuck in the headlights. I've even been stuck playing the same song over and over on my ipod. Your trip to the Alps is an amazing fantasy. I have actually been ON THAT TRAIN IRL! It was a most amazing trip. But I remain stuck right now. And I am claustrophic and the tunnel scares the crap out of me.

[MissCharlotte]

Hi Mouse,

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The rats are gone

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Then why does it feel like they are crawling all over me?

Oh yeah, I know the intellectual answer re ptsd but they don't go away for good ever and they come out in the dark.

Ach. SCREAM %#@&#! %#@&#!

[Perna]

Yes, we took the train up to the "Top of Europe" and I promptly had a really bad asthma attack! We had to stop the sightseeing and go back into the train and wait/take the first one back down. I felt so bad since it was my husband's dream.

Sister,
Hold on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm coming to save you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hurry up! Jump on my motorcycle! I'm taking you out of this rat infested place. I hate tunnel vision with a passion!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhh. Finally, some light.

Take care of yourself, Sister. I can see your pain, your wounds, in what you say and I want you to know that I care! Just call on me if you need help, and I'll be there. Take care of yourself!