T emergency

Thank you. I am trying. I am using today today to stay in bed or on the house going between crying and thinking about our memories and work. Tomorrow, I will get up and go to work. One of t he things T always said was I am amazing at putting on happy face and hiding pain. So when need be that is what I will do at work etc. But at home Nd with those i can take the mask off with, I will do just that. One of the lessons T taught me.

I am so, so sorry, NT. Be kind to yourself; take care. Grief wreaks such a toll on the body. Sending you gentle hugs and so much love.

I’m very sorry, nottrustin! I can’t imagine. Please lean on your EMDR T and anyone in your broad base of support.

Tonight I should have an appointment with T. This will be week 3 since I have seen her. She was the person who was there during so many struggles with compassion and understanding... who do I turn to during this crappy time??

Is it possible to see EMDR T more frequently for a bit, like twice a week? (I assume you see her weekly now?)

I see EMDR T biweekly..saw T weekly. I believe in the short term I will see EMDR T weekly. We will discuss more at my Ppointment tomorrow.

I wish I could make this better for you somehow.

At this point in my day I would be preparing myself mentally with what I would discuss with T. Myaointment is suppose to be in 2 hours. All I can think is what I would say if I could see her one more time.

I have been checking the FB pages of her siblings. She had one sibling she was fairly close to and 2 she had essentially no contact with...and a mother who she had a VERY strained relationship with. T decided last year she could t take the pain anymore and walked away. The brother who she had a relationship with wrote about T's death very factually and nothing like how much he loved her or would miss her. Other brother just shared his brothers post and nothing else.

On the other hand because we work in the same field in a small rural area we have mutual friends who have written amazing tributes about how caring, compassion, and amazing she was. How they love her and will miss you.

I am so, so sorry to hear this news.

I am sorry for this terrible loss, and wish you peace and comfort and healing.

I think it might be helpful for you to write everything you'd say to her, if you could. Gentle hugs.

Way to emotional right now. I had called psych NP this morning. She decided to call me at the end of they day so that I would be out of work. Plus she would have plenty of time to talk. We talked for about 15 minutes. It was nice.

Hugs. Hugs.

Massive hugs NT. I am so sorry for your loss. <3

There is a website that I get emails from that is VERY similar to T's name. I had to unsubscribe this morning every time I see an email from them I momentarily think it is from T. Then reality hits.

NT, no words for this- so sorry

That would be really unnerving

I want to thank everybody for all the support. I could have never imagined how painful something like this would be. Normally, when I am struggling T would be the person I reach out to at anytime through email. I have a great support system, however, I wouldn't contact them through the night. Plus some don't really understand. They understand they are grieving and they respect that and are supportive. So thank you everybody here who reads my messages and offers support and hugs.

I was following this thread silently, cause I was not really sure what to say... I am deeply sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through. It's cliche, but stay strong. She would've wanted you to.

Whenever you're ready. Take things slowly. More gentle hugs.

I am getting through this by asking myself what she would want me to do.

It's ironic because bit to long ago she triggered something in regards to my mother and how she punished me. She said that we have many voices of people from our past even though we don't realize it. She pointed out a bad teacher I had and my mom and my fear of speaking up when somebody is angry. Right now it is her voice that is giving me the strength to keep from falling apart.

Received an email from T's SO. Her adult son does not a funeral right now. He is talking about possibly have a memorial service next month. He will keep me updated so I can attend with my family.

I had an appointment with EMDR T. We did issues how T's passing will affect/ change our work. She suggested T least for now we see each other weekly rather gh an other week. I agree. She also mentioned that since she was just part of an established team of providers there were areas that we didn't rally discuss or focus on. So told me that if any thing comes to mind that she could help me with or so differently to please tell her. So we discussed a couple areas. She also told me that psych NP had reached out to tell her about T's passing. I had already told her though. She did mention that she and psych NP speak frequently about mutual clients. They have many because they use to work in the same office. It feels weird because T never reached out to other providers because she trusted that I would do it myself. I am okay with it....just so many adjustments. We will make it work. I COMPLETELY trust psych NP as we HAVE a long history together. EMDR T I am making strides towards trust and ahe always let's me know about any contact she has.

i am really glad you have other support in place, NT. I still can't imagine the horror you are going through...but am glad you seem to be doing as okay as possible.