T emergency

It is very emotional and painful for sure. The only thing more painful was my mom's death. But I have s great support system between professional, hubby and children, as well as church family. One of my very close church family members saw my daughter at work and asked how I was doing. Kiddo told her It has been hard but I will be okay. To which the friend said, "duh of course she will she has all of us yo make sure of it"

I am truly blessed to have such great people in my life. It is new to me to have this type of support and to feel comfortable being vulnerable around them

OMG this sucks. Because of many changes in our computer system I can't take time off since I literally am the only person who has access to most of my job. My step-niece (my abusers granddaughter) is being admitted to my program. Some coworkers think we should ask if niece would be okay if I am the unit since I am not involved on actual treatment. I have had to repeatedly say that there are family dynamics that make it not an ideal situation. So the connection and having to make sure I say it right on top of being overly emotionally.

Plus it is frustrating because I will have to go to another unit and work bot because nobody else does my job I will have to do a majority of it from the other location along with what needs to be done there. It is frustrating. My job can be quite stressful and after having burn out a few years ago T and worked well together and and kept me going. So many times today I have taken a deep breath and think T and I will talk I will get through this. .if only T were here.
And then tears start falling...I hate this. I can't take this. When I would feel this way T would always say yes you can I will help you through.

That you can still hear her supporting and encouraging you is beautiful. Your work with her was very special.

It wa.... EMDR T is very validating g that the reason this hurts so much is because T uses attachment therapy and was really good at whay she did. We had so much in common that it made it easier to bond and work together.

Received an email there will be a memorial gathering at the end of July at her (and my) favorite restaurant ..

NT I am very sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine how painful this is. Very glad that you are surrounded by supportive people, and that you can hold on to all the great work you did with your T.

Just when I thought I was doing okay-ish everything comes crashing down. I am so over this...the pain is crazy, people are horrible, and life sucks. I have All these people around. me who want to help. The one person I need is gone forever...the one person who knew me more than anyone else, the one I trusted more than anyone else was ripped from m life, Just like my mother. Obviously I am unworthy.

Oh NT... You're completely worthy. And it hurts like hell to have her taken away from you so abruptly and unfairly. Wtf, universe.

I am a very religious but no matter how hard I even begin to try, I can't figure out why everybody around me dies so young...

I understand all too well. I have lost SO many friends and relatives at young ages, from infant to young adult. And of course many older family members as well. It breaks my heart when someone dies before it seems like its their time.
I wish I had an answer for you. It does just seem very unfair.

Unfortunately, NT, it's going to take time to grieve. Be kind to yourself.

I should have had an appointment with T this evening....i have not seen her in 3 weeks. So friggin unbelievable. Instead I got home from work and screamed at my husband which made him angry. He has been mad at me and is giving me the silent treatmwnt. I cried an ugly cry but he is so mad. Yup life sucks...

I see EMDR T (who is normal my regular T but can't bring myself to just say T) tomorrow. I am afraid to tell her all that is going on. She has been amazing but she is not T. She has stated thday herself but I still feel bad.

So many hugs, nottrustin
Just so many hugs

Just let yourself grieve. It's a real loss of a real person, like any other loss of someone we love. I know words are inadequate at this time.

Emdr and I talk about about this stuff tonight. We think part of the issue is that I have never really known how to grieve. I always shut down especially when my mom died I didn't have the skills or strong support system like I do now. Plus T played a mother roll for me. I have never cried so much in an appointment. But it was good. At the end she asked to give me a hug. One of my struggles with this all T would hug me at the end of every session. EMDR T never has...whixh ahe dis tonight.

Someone had to make sure their clients are updated so there won't be any transaction mistakes

I am so thankful no this is the person she selected. He has been amazing and has kept me in the loop. He knee we had a close relationship.