T didn't say anything?

I think the t is a kind of mirror. But the client doesnt know that, or understand how to use it, at the beginning.

I appreciate that the client has to be able to talk freely, without being led.

I can talk when one or the other of us hits on an emotion, I can bring up my own topics and concerns, I can question my own self, I can run on with lots of details and stream of consciousness or give short answers depending on a variety of factors, I can even talk if someone says something provocative or makes me angry and recognize that this is a tool to get me to think.

I don't talk if I feel no one is listening or cares, when they seem to be having a negative reaction, or when someone makes me feel afraid. Like someone else said, a lot of that may hit personal insecurities. Maybe the t needs to see that and figure something out about it.

Maybe it was too soon, maybe there was no trust, maybe it was the wrong tactic for me, or maybe it is expected for it to be unpleasant and that's your point.

If I ever find a way to get back in some therapy, I'll look for opportunities where I should be talking more. Maybe if something's bothering me I can ask about that so they know what's going on.

Initially, the silence thing was very problematic in my treatment too. Over time my T has learned that the prolonged silence with me is not productive because I don't necessarily spontaneously generate reactions. Most of the time, instead of reacting I just switch off(dissociate) and then I have no thoughts, no feelings, no reactions, no nothing.

If in this situation the silence gets too long then I develop physical anxiety which, if not attended to, ends up with intolerable affective states I have no words for. That's not very useful state because then I feel I have to do anything to get out of it and this means really doing something (acting out) because words seem completely powerless.

That's why I have learned to say to T that I need him to say something and he has learned to break the silence when it seems that I'm not really processing anything. Also, he has learned to start the sessions for me because for me it is necessary for creating the room where we could be together and talk at all. I have learned that he is not necessarily expecting for me to talk if I can't do that and he is willing to sustain the room with his own words so that I wouldn't have to worry about that and could concentrate on myself to find if something emerges from me or not.