Can you tell your therapist anything?

Jun 21, 2018, 10:03 PM

I purposely waited until tonight to answer this poll, because I didn't know the answer until I had my session this evening. As I had planned to do, I said goodbye to my t this evening. So my answer is yes. I could (and did) talk about absolutely anything with her. Even telling her that I needed to say goodbye and then doing so.

Amyjay · Jun 22, 2018, 01:36 AM

I really don't know. I haven't come across any limits about what I can talk about, but since all the topics are about me and it is my therapy I can't imagine that any topic would be inappropriate.
Once a little alter started to ask T if her father had ever raped her but an older one jumped in and stopped that. That part of us was innocent enough in her wanting to ask but the older one didn't want to put t in that potentially awkward spot.

Echos Myron redux · Jun 22, 2018, 02:56 AM

My T would never, ever say that any topic is "not okay" and he values that I tell him the truth. He said so. It irks me that any therapist would put blocks on areas of conversation because they're not comfortable with them. Therapists have a responsibility to keep their own discomfort out of the client's way.

rainbow8 · Jun 22, 2018, 06:55 AM

I said I can tell my T anything but I know there are questions she won't answer, like about her sexual relationship. So I wouldn't ask.

I have to be prepared for answers I don't like. When I emailed recently, about her breaking my heart because I wished we had a REAL relationship, she wanted to reinforce that she is my T and it's not about her, but about me. She says I fantasize that it is more. She wants me to find support from people in my real life, and that's been her goal for 8 years. It's fine to talk about my problem doing that, so I do believe I can tell T anything.

SalingerEsme · Jun 22, 2018, 06:57 AM

I can talk to my T about things I would never tell anyone else. On the other hand there is no way I could talk to him abut something like sex in my relationship with BF bc he is just really squeamish -seeming. I have never heard him use the word "sex" or refer to it in any way

except to really come down hard on "people who have affairs" in general terms. This aspect of my life is fine, so it doesn't bother me, but it does stick out as something he just doesn't seem up for. He is amazing though with the topics I need to discuss.

SalingerEsme · Jun 22, 2018, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Theoretically the idea behind therapy seems to be one can, may and should tell the therapist anything they want. It is the line those guys tout the most. It is the big selling point they tell all the clients.
.

Stopdog, you are the bestest.

SalingerEsme · Jun 22, 2018, 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

My T would never, ever say that any topic is "not okay" and he values that I tell him the truth. He said so. It irks me that any therapist would put blocks on areas of conversation because they're not comfortable with them. Therapists have a responsibility to keep their own discomfort out of the client's way.

Well said

stopdog · Jun 22, 2018, 09:42 AM

I think there is also the situation where the therapist tells the client they can say anything but not realize they cannot handle everything. So while there may be no topic that is off the table - the therapist simply does not handle some topics well. So not a universal topic that one is not to talk about in therapy, there are topics one learns to avoid with a specific therapist because of how badly the therapist handles that topic. Also, there are topics I would advise people to avoid based on the laws for mandatory reporting ( in the u.s.).

elisewin · Jun 22, 2018, 12:15 PM

Eventually I have been able to talk about anything. It has taken time and some topics have been harder than others, but eventually I have been able to bring up any subject and my T has always been encouraging.

LonesomeTonight · Jun 22, 2018, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think there is also the situation where the therapist tells the client they can say anything but not realize they cannot handle everything. So while there may be no topic that is off the table - the therapist simply does not handle some topics well. So not a universal topic that one is not to talk about in therapy, there are topics one learns to avoid with a specific therapist because of how badly the therapist handles that topic. Also, there are topics I would advise people to avoid based on the laws for mandatory reporting ( in the u.s.).

Yes, in some ways, I actually prefer that my T is honest with me about what he can and can't handle. Or what would make him personally uncomfortable (of course...a recent situation showed that sometimes a T might not know what will make them personally uncomfortable until it happens...). But I do think there are benefits to honesty. Would I like a T who could honestly handle anything I throw at him (or her)? Sure! But if that's not the case, I prefer if they know their limits and can communicate that to me (so I can decide both what to share and also whether that T is right for me).

velcro003 · Jun 22, 2018, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abe Froman

I'm going to have a little trigger warning here.

First thing I'd like to ask of those who say no, what types of things do you feel you can't bring up?

My above questions leads into my answer. I said I don't know and I'm answering that about a therapist I saw 2 years ago and am about to start seeing again. My previous therapist from four years ago I was pretty open with about suicide and all things depression related but I never brought up transgender issues in part because I didn't know to apply that word to myself at the time and also because I wasn't ready to talk about it.

As far as the T I'm about to start seeing again, I originally sought her out because she openly advertises as an LGBT counselor. I openly discussed almost everything transgender related to her. I've contacted her and am going back to see her July 3rd and I'll be focusing on depression and suicidal ideation. I don't want to be in a situation where I can't be open about SI because she wants me to go to the hospital or something. So I'll have to feel her out and if she isn't comfortable going there then I might have to seek out a different T. I hope I don't have to seek out a new one.

Do you feel like you connected with this past T? If so, yeah you can feel her out on SUI/SH, but hopefully a good T wouldn’t get freaked out about clients talking about that stuff. My T handles it amazingly. She had never expressed anything other than curiosity when I talk about these things. She knows SH is just another coping mechanism, albeit not a good one. We have gone deep in the weeds with suicidal ideation. She knows I have a plan if it ever gets bad. She knows in general terms what it is. She also had me sign a contract if i am feeling imminently suicidal, but also knows that it is just a piece of paper. She is better st reading my depression than i am. In the darkest of times, I trust her. If she says she thinks my meds aren’t working anymore, I will call the psychiatrist.

sorry, tangent! In all of this she has never threatened hospitalization on me. The most worried she has been is when we signed the contract and I promised her i was safe to go home.

maybeblue · Jun 22, 2018, 02:30 PM

I put "yes" although now that I think about it, there might be some limits. So far there hasn't been anything that I want to talk about that he hasn't been comfortable with as far as I can tell, and he's certainly never told me I can't talk about something. He's been ok with graphic descriptions of female problems and medical procedures. He's been ok with me being angry with him and telling him he's full of crap about something. But if I got very anti-religion or wanted to talk about graphic details of my sex life I think he might be uncomfortable. But I don't know how that would be helpful to me to talk about anyway.

I do actually think that if I were conflicted about my sex life or my lack of religion he'd probably manage to talk about those things though. So maybe it's more the purpose of talking about things rather than the content. If I just wanted to shock him for my own amusement, he'd probably be annoyed. But if it was an actual therapy issue, I think it would be ok.

katydid777 · Jun 22, 2018, 02:46 PM

IDK yet bc I have a new T, so we will see.

SarahSweden · Jun 22, 2018, 03:20 PM

I woted "no" because there are things I wouldn´t share with my T unless they become to bother me or interfere with our therapeutic process. To me, thinking of her in relation to sexual/romantic scenes in movies is one such thing I wouldn´t tell her. Also, I wouldn't tell her that I´ve thought about how her sex life is and when/if she has had sex recently.

I think those things are quite normal in a way, I think my T has had thoughts about if I´ve ever had sex for example and for both of us and for others those thoughts are normal.

But I wouldn´t share it with her unless those thoughts took too much of my thinking which they don´t.

To me, I share things I know stop me from living a good life and I would also try to share if there´s something in our therapeutic relation that bothered me.

fille_folle · Jun 22, 2018, 08:21 PM

I think T's who say anything's ok to say are lying both to themselves and to their clients. Or perhaps they think that it's obvious that they don't mean everything everything.

Jun 22, 2018, 08:31 PM

I had much better experiences sharing a broad variety of things (including some dark and disturbing, bizarre, critical, etc) with close friends, especially people who had similar experiences/issues. But I personally don't think that there is any one person, therapist or other, who can take and fairly handle everything, even if they claim that they have interest and anything goes. I think everyone has limits, even if they don't know them. I much prefer when someone is direct about where the limits and discomfort zones are once they recognize them, including therapists.

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