Couch 171: Scams R Us

unaluna · Jul 18, 2018, 10:54 PM

Marcel Marceau was on Laugh-In tonight, and he TALKED for almost the whole show!! Plus, 50 years ago, he was young and beautiful, eh? I saw him live once, in the 80's.

feralkittymom · Jul 18, 2018, 10:55 PM

Seems like a lot of black and white thinking about what is a very gray situation. If a relationship is 50/50 (not sure I believe that, but it's convenient for argument's sake), whatever one partner does or doesn't do isn't going to control 100% of the outcome. It's only possible to control our own part. To do otherwise, in some ways, can even be an infringement of the other's free will.

unaluna · Jul 18, 2018, 11:02 PM

Im not sure what you mean, but i do know i get my back up when the institution or "honor" becomes more important than the person - usually female or gay.

feralkittymom · Jul 18, 2018, 11:09 PM

I was referring to Art's post?

WarmFuzzySocks · Jul 18, 2018, 11:16 PM

Art, there are these two people in your life--your h and your therapist--in the closest bestest position to support you in being Art, in journeying to and discovering your best self.

You're awfully worried about making them mad by doing that very same thing.

Screw 'em if they can't handle you making your own decisions about how your own life works.

You do you, and they can each decide whether they are willing to support you in that or not. I forget who told me this, it's been so long, but it was some of the best (sort of trite) advice I've ever gotten: Be honest. Either they'll stay and things will get better, or they'll leave and things will get better.

Affectionately,
Someone who twisted herself into knots for WAY too long

NP_Complete · Jul 18, 2018, 11:48 PM

I read the T's email manifesto. He could have saved himself a lot of work if he'd just said don't email me unless it's for scheduling or to ask for an extra session or a phone call. Whatever. This makes me feel really alone. But I guess I'm alone for a reason.

Lemoncake · Jul 19, 2018, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

If she’s mad at you, art, eff her. (And you can tell her I said so.)

Maybe it’s the whisky talking, but stopping worrying about other peoples’ feelings (as much as possible, my mom being the major exception) was one of the best things I did for myself.

As for your dear t post, can I say that as someone who stayed too long in not one but two relationships that a factor in leaving IS the recognition that being trapped in a bad relationship just because I’m too stubborn to admit I made a mistake and too scared to try it on my own IS the rest of your life?

You know, about a year ago I decided to cut out the fwb and casual pickups I’d been doing to feel less alone. Another good thing. I learned being alone, even if it lasts the rest of my life, is not a scary thing. In fact it’s very liberating.

I know you can’t just stop worrying, but when you are able to you will discover that is immensely liberating too.

Give me liberty, I won’t take (a living) death.

Eta: Aah, I am tipsy enough I accidentally hugged SD. Removed out of respect.

Lemoncake · 12:55 AM

Artie "to thine own self be true. "

I agree with with what the others have already posted- "screw them" if you make them mad. It's about you not them.

It's not the exact same thing but with my best friends, I just got tired of going above and beyond for them but not being met half way. I wasn't happy, and I had this feeling I kept trying to ignore until i just reached this enough stage.

Lemoncake · Jul 19, 2018, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I read the T's email manifesto. He could have saved himself a lot of work if he'd just said don't email me unless it's for scheduling or to ask for an extra session or a phone call. Whatever. This makes me feel really alone. But I guess I'm alone for a reason.

I'm sorry he's decided to change the rules now. We're here too.

Jul 19, 2018, 01:45 AM

My step daughter just gave me drugs. I have been straight for nearly 3 years. I am conflicted.

Echos Myron redux · Jul 19, 2018, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

My step daughter just gave me drugs. I have been straight for nearly 3 years. I am conflicted.

The fact you posted here suggests you don't really want to take them. I encourage you to listen to that part. 3 years is a huge achievement and shows you can do it.

Echos Myron redux · Jul 19, 2018, 04:21 AM

I want to fill the couch so that I can start a new one cos I've never started one before.

Echos Myron redux · Jul 19, 2018, 04:23 AM

So I'll start spamming. Here's a picture of Toshiro Mifune

Couch 171: Scams R Us

Echos Myron redux · Jul 19, 2018, 04:26 AM

Here's a picture of a cat Couch 171: Scams R Us

Echos Myron redux · Jul 19, 2018, 04:27 AM

Here's a picture of Philip Pullman. He looks like my T

Couch 171: Scams R Us

Echos Myron redux · Jul 19, 2018, 04:33 AM

I emailed my T last night trying to give a voice to the part of me who wants to be friends with T. He emailed back saying the internal conversation I'm having sounds very constructive and we should continue making sure that part feels heard. I'm glad he emailed back, I didn't think he would.

Echos Myron redux · Jul 19, 2018, 04:34 AM

Right I think that's enough spamming. I'm off to start the new thread.

Echos Myron redux · Jul 19, 2018, 04:37 AM

New couch: https://forums.psychcentral.com/psyc...f-you-can.html

CantExplain · Jul 19, 2018, 04:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

Like what, CE? You mean something w him? Or about me? I'm curious about your perspective.

Something to do with him. E.g. he expected his career to be further along. Or there's something he wants that he doesn't dare to ask you for.

here today · Jul 19, 2018, 04:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

((((lemoncake))))

Hey, why is the new couch called Scams R Us? This makes us look shady to any new members.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think people take the name of this thread all that seriously or literally. It could be homage to those of us who believe therapy is often a scam, it could be referring to the sort of psychology school which holds all clients are scamming, or something completely else because exhankster works in mysterious ways.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yeah i thought it would be nice to honor those of youse. Plus dint shakespeare say resistance makes scammers of us all? Plus how could toys r us abdicate its place in our lives?

and this morning after reading that the usa is threatening other nations for supporting breastfeeding, it seems even more appropriate.

Eta - or as it says in wikipedia, 171 - um sete um - is bolivian or something for scam in slang.

Well, maybe I'd better grab a seat before this couch is gone. Due to temperament, "issues" or whatever I really don't know how to hang out. Well, that and expecting/anticipating rejection, I guess. Which the scammy therapy establishment did help me get in touch with, I guess, after more than 50 years, by eventually re-triggering the original trauma. How horrendously horrible. How "impossible" to get through. Only maybe now if I have, what do I do now?

I still think therapy is scammy, and takes too long, even if it can eventually get to core issues, for some people. But can't for others, so sometimes leaves them/us worse off. Does that mean I can't hang out with the rest of you, though?

CantExplain · Jul 19, 2018, 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

...knowing I failed at marriage...

((Artemis))

I'm sure that some of the people you most respect are divorced.
Anyway, the marriage failed. You didn't.

CantExplain · Jul 19, 2018, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

That worked out well for me.

Meaning exactly the opposite?

unaluna · Jul 19, 2018, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I was referring to Art's post?

I know, but it was deliciously complicated. Like, is saying "im only trying to do what you want" second-guessing the other person? Let them TELL you what they want; dont anticipate it; then agree to it or not. And anyway, why should they be telling you what to do with YOUR life?

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Couch 171: Scams R Us

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