[CantExplain]

Hi guys! Do you think your T agonises over the decision of whether or not to respond, or do they just think, "I'm so far behind I'll only answer the easy ones."?

[DP_2017]

Definitely no. Mine says it part of the process in helping lessen attachment to not always reply. He has way more important issues on his mind than agonizing over email replies

[ruh roh]

I think she answers if she has time or if it's really important. I don't think there's any agonizing over it.

[LonesomeTonight]

Mine always answers, which is something I really appreciate. His decision process is more "do I make this a shorter, free one, or do I write a long one and charge?" Usually it's the former, and I tend to make it clear if I'm open to or would prefer a longer, paid one. Though even his short answers tend to be longer (3-5 sentences or more) than what ex-MC and definitely ex-T would write.

With ex-MC, I have no idea what his thought process was on whether to reply or not, though I eventually learned that if I bugged him enough (like, "I'm still worried about what I sent the other day"), he'd eventually reply. (Which I guess ended up being an issue in the end, but I've discussed that enough.) With ex-T, I think her default was just not to reply, and if she did, was generally just like "Good insight, let's discuss in session."

[CharlieStarDust]

My T always replies within 24 hrs. If she responds later than that, she apologizes and will sometimes say she wanted to respond thoughtfully and not rushed.

[stopdog]

I think it more depends upon if the email requires a response or not. If someone emails and says I will call - then there is no real need to email back - just wait for the phone call unless a phone call will not work for some reason.
I never wanted responses from the woman so I usually told her not to respond. But I was usually writing to get something away from me - not because I wanted to engage with her.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T always replies. Usually it's the next day. She has even replied on weekends.

Mine's pretty simple. She simply never replies. Though she has said she has "really wanted to" reply to other patients' emails.

[Anastasia~]

I text my T, and he always answers, most of the time within an hour, sometimes maybe two. I don't sense that there is any agonizing whatsoever, and what he says is always helpful and supportive. I am really thankful for my T and am appreciative that he takes the time to respond.

[junkDNA]

my t does not reply to me much anymore. we actually talked about this today. it's hard to go from having a response to everything to having a response to practically nothing. t explained to me his thought process behind it. I understand it but it still hurts

[koru_kiwi]

my ex-T encouraged me to email, but was so inconsistent in his abilities to answer. all i needed was a 30 second reply to let me know he saw it and reasurance that we could discuss it at the next session. it often caused more trouble than it was worth (usually led to ruptures) and after a while, i just got fed up and decided i would try to not email him. the entire thing was so silly, because it could really send me into a fret if i did not get a response. i often would wonder if he did not respond on purpose just to manipulate me and get a reaction that we could 'explore' in therapy. so my solution to fix that issue, if he was manipulating me and trying to get me to bring that issue up in therapy, was to stop emailing. a very simple solution to a quite frustrating problem. that way i could spend my time in therapy discussing what i thought was important and relevant for me and not making my therapy about my frustration with my Ts lack of email etiquette.

[LittleAfrica]

I don't think there's any agony from therapist's side but I've always received a nice paragraph or two as a reply not just an acknowledgement.

That may all change though. Might have "pushed the boundaries a tad too far" while therapist was away on vacation. Will see what happens after session on today.

[MoxieDoxie]

Mine apologies when he did not have time to answer an email and said he can usually tell if it is something that can wait until session or needs answering in a timely fashion.

[wheeler]

Mine almost always responds within a couple of hours. Her responses will vary. From ‘look forward to discussing this more with you ‘ to a more specific, yet short reply. And it’s a 50/50 shot whether I’ve found some relief in her response.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

...it often caused more trouble than it was worth (usually led to ruptures) and after a while, i just got fed up and decided i would try to not email him. the entire thing was so silly, because it could really send me into a fret if i did not get a response. i often would wonder if he did not respond on purpose just to manipulate me and get a reaction that we could 'explore' in therapy. so my solution to fix that issue, if he was manipulating me and trying to get me to bring that issue up in therapy, was to stop emailing. a very simple solution to a quite frustrating problem. that way i could spend my time in therapy discussing what i thought was important and relevant for me and not making my therapy about my frustration with my Ts lack of email etiquette.

This was almost exactly my own path to not emailing Madame T.

[Amyjay]

I don't think my T angsts over it at all. She answers all emails, but only reads and responds to them during working hours. She sets a boundary about her working hours and lets her clients know she is available for contact within those hours.

[TeaVicar?]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Hi guys! Do you think your T agonises over the decision of whether or not to respond, or do they just think, "I'm so far behind I'll only answer the easy ones."?

I thought they all had an automated google mail button:
"That sounds very interesting, let's discuss this at your next session."

[AnnaBegins]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

my t does not reply to me much anymore. we actually talked about this today. it's hard to go from having a response to everything to having a response to practically nothing. t explained to me his thought process behind it. I understand it but it still hurts

Would you mind if I asked what his thought process was?

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by AnnaBegins

Would you mind if I asked what his thought process was?

he said that he realized over the years that often times I sabotage myself and my recovery in order to feel like he cares to make up for what I didn't get as a child. he said he also thinks that part of me keeps myself sick to maintain my connection to him. he said that in the beginning there was trust building going on and a certain amount of reparenting. that in order to heal I need to grieve what I didn't get as a child and teach myself how to meet those needs, and thru other relationships.

I told him it just gets twisted in my mind to he doesn't care anymore. he said that he does support me and care about me and he understands why it feels that way

[Anne2.0]

I haven't done email with my T, except for scheduling. I have called often, though, in need of some therapeutic thing and he always responded the same day, even on holidays and vacations. I would hope he would apply what he generally does to email what he does in session or on the phone, and ask "what is needed in this moment?" kind of thing. I'd be surprised if he got into anything substantive with people over email, and my guess is he would tell them to call him to discuss it.

I think I would find anything substantive on email dissatisfying, because it's not a real-time interaction, and writing in response to someone is an entirely different skill than talking. I like interaction, and find email in general for discussing something meaty or juicy in the slightest generally not satisfying.

When I taught undergraduates a few years ago, I found their use of email annoying. I would also get cold email requests from students I didn't know, like "can you tell me all about what you know about __?" Delete immediately. I'm happy to talk in person or on the phone and help students as much as I can, but I'm not going to summarize a semester's worth of lectures via email or discuss why your paper sucked.

The only thing I would do in email in respond to students in distress, like if they had to go to a funeral or their health or mental health was causing problems with taking tests or getting work done. But even then it was more a scheduling thing and assuring them they could do stuff late without penalty.

I also found a surprising number of students could be very annoying ("I just emailed you 2 hours ago and haven't had a response, so I'm writing again" or make snarky comments or are downright insulting when I refused requests of theirs or they didn't like their grades. Email allows people to think this is appropriate, and I can't think of a single incident where someone was rude or whatever on the phone or to my face.

This all applies to my own therapy, that I have made it a practice in my own working life to not do substantive stuff via email, so I'm not interested in doing it in therapy. It also may be that the T has to keep a paper copy of the emails as part of the record, and I wouldn't want that. That's often why I call people rather than email, not only for a better interaction and understanding (especially if there are negative feelings involved), and because it doesn't create a record or end up in a file.

[WishfulThinker66]

Email and texts are not something I exchange with either my T or P. If your T is not responding could it be that this sort of communication is discouraged? I think you need to get straight with them an understanding of what sort of communication outside of sessions is considered acceptable and what is beyond your T's professional boundaries. Still, they owe you an explanation.

[maybeblue]

Mine always responds. If she didn't I would be afraid something happened to her. It is nearly always the next business day. Sometimes sooner. I asked her about this and she told me that she does that because I only email when it is important, and because once I told her it really bothered me when people don't respond.

She said that she does have clients who email a lot, and she does still respond to them, but usually just that she will talk to them next session.

I would expect any therapist to talk to me if I was emailing too much...not randomly decide not to answer. That isn't healthy communication.

I have DID and younger alters email and text yer frequently. she reads them when she can i dont usually expect a reply. .she replies when she is able to. sometimes i might get five emails in a day from her, and ohertimes i might not get any relies for a week. shes really busy. its the same with texting. of course i would love replies every day but that would be quite selfish. sometimes she will also write back quickly and say she doesnt have time for a good reply right then but she will write back as soon as she can- that might be a week later...not a big deal.

[Fuzzybear]

Being “supportive” is not one of that therapist’s strong points...he failed utterly at being supportive. So no agonising at all on his part. It’s all about him and his need and greed for supply and £££££££

[velcro003]

My T doesn't answer every e-mail, but she does seem to respond to emails that are more urgent. Ones that could be talked about in session she usually doesn't respond to, and we've talked about it--so I get it. She gets a lot of emails during the week (pretty sure she offers it to all of her clients), plus 2 small kids and a husband, I am okay with her not being able to answer them all. When I really am in distress, she is always there--and for me, that is what counts.