[nottrustin]

Decided to check in as many here "get" what I am going through, at least to a degree. Tomorrow is T's memorial service and I will need all the support I can get. It will be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I have not stopped seeing EMDR T part of me wants to but I know I can't do this alone. I am still really struggling and she is really helping me get through this. There is a lot of frustration and pain but she is trying so hard. She is very different than T which is part of the problem but also likely will be beneficial in the long run. There are things she doesn't fully understand yet which can be difficult. I had an appointment with Psych Np today. I mentioned this frustration and she completely understands. So I may ask EMDR T if they might benefit from talking.

I still can't believe this is happening. I think part of what is making tomorrow hard is that while I have met T's partner and feel like I know her son, I highly doubt there will be any reason for contact after tomorrow. I feel like they are the only connection to T. Once I leave tomorrow that connection will be gone.

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs...I can't imagine, that sounds so difficult. I'm glad your psych NP understood. Take care of yourself.

[Travelinglady]

Oh, my. How sad.

[growlycat]

I am so sorry. T’s can feel like more than family. Wishing you peace

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I am so sorry. T’s can feel like more than family. Wishing you peace

Thank you. Yes they definitely can be like family. In talking with EMDR T, I have come to realize there was a lot of maternal transference. . If I am completely honest I knew that; although I never would have used maternal. I use to say she was like an amazing aunt. My real amazing aunts also played a maternal role but never realized it until the last couple of weeks.

So very, very sorry. I cannot even imagine how painful this has been for you, or how painful and difficult the service will be. I hope that somehow you will find peace.

[Anne2.0]

I am sorry for all you've been through but I am glad you will have the chance to attend the memorial service. In the Jewish tradition, we line up to scoop dirt with a shovel into the grave, as the last thing we can do for that person. Funerals or services are thought to provide resolution to the grieving and that's why supposedly every culture in the world has them.

It has not been my experience, especially after my spouse died, that my connection to people has died with them. The connection lives on internally, continuing to nurture me in ways I didn't anticipate. I think that's in part how you know you had a bond with someone, and this sense of connection emerges in little and big ways at many unexpected times.

[seeker33]

This has to be so difficult and painful for you, nottrustin. Sending you hugs and virtual support.

[ElectricManatee]

My mother-in-law likes to say that no one is truly gone until the last person who remembers them fondly has passed away. Your T will live on in your heart and in the ways she has improved your life. That's a pretty great legacy. I'm wishing you comfort and peace as you attend the memorial service.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I am sorry for all you've been through but I am glad you will have the chance to attend the memorial service. In the Jewish tradition, we line up to scoop dirt with a shovel into the grave, as the last thing we can do for that person. Funerals or services are thought to provide resolution to the grieving and that's why supposedly every culture in the world has them.

It has not been my experience, especially after my spouse died, that my connection to people has died with them. The connection lives on internally, continuing to nurture me in ways I didn't anticipate. I think that's in part how you know you had a bond with someone, and this sense of connection emerges in little and big ways at many unexpected times.

Thank you! Logically I know you are right about the connection part. Right now the emotions though are just so dam overwhelming.

T's memorial service is much like my mother had. No burial or funeral just a gathering to eat and share memories. I have struggled with this for many years with my mom. Oddly T and I frequently discussed how it was hard because while it was nice and made her death a little easier, I never actually felt closure with my mom.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

My mother-in-law likes to say that no one is truly gone until the last person who remembers them fondly has passed away. Your T will live on in your heart and in the ways she has improved your life. That's a pretty great legacy. I'm wishing you comfort and peace as you attend the memorial service.

Thank you, you are right.

[Merope]

I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. Sending lots of hugs your way! <3

I am so sorry. x

[nottrustin]

Home it was very emotional but touching. I had the opportunity to speak to T's partner. He is a mess and can barely talk is he is dealing with probate court. He gave me pretty graphic details about the accident. Also had the opportunity to speak to and hug her son. He is just as amazing as T always said. A few people got up and talked about memories of her which was nice. One person who was a client got up and spoke. She just couldn't keep it together. I felt so bad for her. Near the end a gentleman came up and introduced himself as being an office mate. Because of my line of work I knew who he was. He told me that T's family had been unable to reach many clients. He said it has been a very difficult time on the office when her clients arrive for an appointment and find out the truth a couple of people have been seeing her foe over 20 years. I thank God he was able to reach me so I was at home when I found out.

He also told me how to go about getting 9records and suggested I consider it.

[88Butterfly88]

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Home it was very emotional but touching. I had the opportunity to speak to T's partner. He is a mess and can barely talk is he is dealing with probate court. He gave me pretty graphic details about the accident. Also had the opportunity to speak to and hug her son. He is just as amazing as T always said. A few people got up and talked about memories of her which was nice. One person who was a client got up and spoke. She just couldn't keep it together. I felt so bad for her. Near the end a gentleman came up and introduced himself as being an office mate. Because of my line of work I knew who he was. He told me that T's family had been unable to reach many clients. He said it has been a very difficult time on the office when her clients arrive for an appointment and find out the truth a couple of people have been seeing her foe over 20 years. I thank God he was able to reach me so I was at home when I found out.

He also told me how to go about getting 9records and suggested I consider it.

Gentle hugs.

So tragic for so many. It just makes my heart ache.

[toomanycats]

Big hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Home it was very emotional but touching. I had the opportunity to speak to T's partner. He is a mess and can barely talk is he is dealing with probate court. He gave me pretty graphic details about the acciden.

Was it a car accident? Take care of yourself. Gentle hugs.

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

Was it a car accident? Take care of yourself. Gentle hugs.

No she was sleep walking and fell down the basement stairs. He poor significant other is hurting after finding her that I don't think he realized the details he was giving.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

No she was sleep walking and fell down the basement stairs. He poor significant other is hurting after finding her that I don't think he realized the details he was giving.

I think you are right about how traumatizing finding someone can be and that the person doesn't realize the details they pass on as a result. I've been in a similar situation where the person was sharing a lot more than he probably realized.

Your T's significant other found comfort in knowing that she had a positive impact on her clients through her work.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I think you are right about how traumatizing finding someone can be and that the person doesn't realize the details they pass on as a result. I've been in a similar situation where the person was sharing a lot more than he probably realized.

Your T's significant other found comfort in knowing that she had a positive impact on her clients through her work.

Also as T's son said he has his wife, large family and amazing co-workers to help him through this. The partner is retired, has already burried his 1st wife, and the only family member is a son who works long hours...plus he has to walk by those steps. He is mesa right now