When I’ve expressed difficulties with therapy, I’ve been surprised by how many people in my life have suggested to go less frequently. “Try once a month.” Even my T suggested it once.

But I feel like if your issue is transference or attachment or feeling abandoned, wouldn’t going less only make the ache worse?

I’m wondering if people notice that going more or less frequently has helped with feelings of attachment? I’ve considered only going once a month, but it doesn’t feel like it would accomplish anything.

(I don’t know if going weekly was accomplishing much either, but that’s a whole other topic.)

Edited the question title

[Fuzzybear]

For me, definitely less often

ETA I have more to add to this later. Sending hugs if ok

[Flinders40]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

For me, definitely less often

But don’t you have 12 hour sessions with your therapist?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Flinders40

But don’t you have 12 hour sessions with your therapist?

No, do you?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Flinders40

But don’t you have 12 hour sessions with your therapist?

What an odd post. I hope I’m allowed to say that. And apologies to the OP

[DP_2017]

2x a week was a godsend. Sadly i got cut off. Weekly has been hard
Still strong attachment but i struggle more on certain things. I miss more times.

[Fuzzybear]

Twice a week for me was awful That’s when it all went wrong, or much more wrong

For me, twice a week was the opposite of a Godsend

And I didn’t do anything “wrong” - I have no idea what his game was

I think twice a week is helpful for many though, if the therapist is competent.

[ElectricManatee]

I'm not totally sure I understand what you mean by your issue being transference or attachment or feeling abandoned. Is your goal to be less attached or is it to feel more comfortable with your attachment?

I feel more secure in my connection with my T and more able to open up and trust her when I am going twice a week. I see the therapeutic relationship itself as a major driving force in helping me (as does my T), so I see the extra close feeling as being a plus. I was somewhat more reserved and distant from my T when I was going once a week, and I also generally didn't go to the depth that I can now. I don't think once a month would be helpful for me, unless I were in maintenance mode and potentially ready to stop going to therapy entirely.

Thanks, good question. The goal is to be... less attached, I think.

I'm thinking in terms of my maternal transference with my T where I was feeling very attached. It seemed like I was thinking obsessively about her and getting so worked up about how she didn't actually care about my wellbeing, and I was very jealous of her family, I resented her wealth and lifestyle, etc etc etc...

I mentioned this to a couple of people while I was going, and they all said, "Maybe you should go in every other week or only once a month to lessen some of that pain." My T suggested the same thing once, and I've read here that some people have a similar, less frequent therapy schedule.

I understand that seeing her weekly was just constantly salting the wound, but on the other hand, I thought going in less would only build my anger, jealousy, and resentment because I wouldn't have the weekly "release" in seeing her. There'd just be more time to stew.

That's the logic I've always assumed, but I'm really curious about other perspectives. I've been out of therapy for four weeks now-- and in the 7 weeks before that, I only saw her twice--and though I am devastated in a number of ways, there is a noticeable difference in my peace of mind when I don't have to constantly see her and be reminded of my motherlessness. I wonder if it would've helped me in the long run to have seen her less.

eta. (When I was seeing her, all I wanted was to see her more.)

[peacelizard]

All depends on the person, their needs and what's going on at the time. Sometimes I feel like hell and once a week is tough and others I'm doing pretty okay and struggle with what to talk about every week and wish we could switch to every other

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm attached to my T and have abandonment issues. We're going anywhere from every other week to once a month depending on my needs. I think it has helped some with the attachment. I do trust her a lot more now that we've tapered down. Sure my neediness says I want to see her as often as I can, but seeing her less gives me more confidence.

[feileacan]

With your therapist it probably would be better to go less frequently (as she herself also suggested that). With some other therapist, who welcomes attachment and knows how to work with transferential feelings, it would be better to go more often.

In the long run, I believe it would be better to find a therapist of the last sort because with the first type, you would just have to keep running from your feelings without getting any help from T.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Flinders40

But don’t you have 12 hour sessions with your therapist?

It's someone else who has 12 hour sessions because her T lives in another country, not Fuzzy.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

What an odd post. I hope I’m allowed to say that. And apologies to the OP

I think she mixed you up with Starry Night, whose T lives in another country. Hugs, Fuzzy.