Therapist as Opponent

We do, to a large extent. But they enjoy it, I think. They certainly don't resist!

Was she ever violently abused?

This is close to blaming the victim.

Their job is to be our foil. (That word looks funny, but sounds right.) Why would you fault someone for doing their job?

More like blaming the helper-outer.

But sometimes they turn into our tinfoil hats?

My T has certainly been my opponent for long periods of times. I've fought with him fiercely, over ... (can't really remember). I'm pretty sure I will continue to fight with him.

Has it been good for me? Yes, definitely yes. I was a quiet child, never demanding anything, trying to keep out of the way, never throwing temper tantrums. And yet I was scolded and shouted at every day. Now my therapist takes all the badness in me, all my badness is welcome in his office and he is still alive. That's very powerful.

That is what I expected, what I wanted collaboration with, as I searched inside myself trying to find and reconnect with the disconnected "badness" that I just felt inside and rarely acted out (though sometimes/lots acted "in")

I never found it -- instead, when the badness/hate went outward toward the therapists, it freaked them out, and they blamed/shamed me. Even the one who diagnosed me with DDNOS, and even when I told her that one of the "bad" states was with me in her office. I could have kept it out, but it was therapy, so why?

They could not accept it. They were not powerful. Instead, I was more powerful than them, and they rejected me. Not "helpful" except, . . .thinking about Xynesthesia's recent post on identity, I'm reminded of the (powerful) overpowering nurse who held me down, kicking and screaming, and forced an anesthesia mask over my face when I was 3.

I did get in touch with how that trauma and the feelings of being abandoned had been dissociated, when I was with the last T.

Something maybe I did not get in touch with was, after that situation was over -- feels like the abandoned 3-year-old in me would like to be powerful like that nurse -- and hence "identified" with her in some way? Though any attempts to act it out would have been met with rejection by the pleasant, nice, socially acceptable, haughty other women in my family. Which I didn't want, because I loved and wanted to be like them, too, for awhile, when I was a child.

Hmm. . .Thanks, PC!

Please direct me to that literature of which you speak. Thank you. Condescending therapists are typically not what I have observed.

I do sometimes act adversarially in therapy. But if the therapist is adversarial in response or acts like my opponent, then the therapist has majorly failed and probably isn't a good person for me to work with.

You seem to be suggesting that an adversarial relationship is inherent in therapy. Is that what you meant?

From wiki: The word foil comes from the old practice of backing gems with foil to make them shine more brightly.

So not adversarial; but reflective.

Interesting. I’m the opposite - not so good at fighting, but pretty good at collaborating. Perhaps this is why there is an adversarial component emerging in my therapy. It scares the living daylights out of me, but maybe it’s what I need to do for now with someone who will push back in a safe and caring way.

A thought...

They say marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy. But in a way, therapy can be like that too.