[susannahsays]

I have found myself having the strong urge to angry text the therapist. This happens daily, and is most strong in the evening / at night. The therapist, though she does do provoking things, is not a current target of my actual anger. I am therefore puzzled about why I want to send her angry texts.

I felt this way a lot, too-- though with e-mails because she didn't allow texting. For me, it's because she brought up so much RAGE in me, and it felt so unfair that my night was ruined thinking about how awful she made me feel while she was off having some lovely evening with her wonderful, successful, wealthy-beyond-belief children.

But even if she wasn't the target of my actual anger, as you say, she was the only person in my life I could actually express my unfiltered rage to (which was one of the reasons I had to terminate. The rage was getting to the point where it was so hard to quiet that it was taking a huge toll on my physical health).

Once I wanted to write an angry e-mail, but all I wrote was "When I come in next week, please ask me if I'm still angry." She did. I was. I didn't have to put terrible things in writing, but I was able to be a teeny bit aggressive via e-mail and then a lot aggressive in person.

[Lrad123]

I have a pattern of wanting to distance myself after feeling closer to my T or sharing something personal, and I’ve done this a couple of times by sending angry emails about how therapy isn’t working, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, etc. I feel ashamed afterwards as this is pretty out of character for me, but he’s been really accepting of it. Not sure if that’s what’s going on for you though.

You say that the therapist is not the current target of your anger - that suggest you have an idea what it is then.

I did not feel like angry messaging my therapists unless they did something I really disliked and failed to own up to it. It was mostly one therapist and how he operated. Sometimes the proportion of the anger felt too much relative to the Ts act and impact on me though. Usually I found they were things I am particularly sensitive to in general because I have high standards in those areas. Sometimes also things I did myself when I was really not in a good place mentally. So it can be in part projection / displacement, but it was never just out of the blue and without something real about the T.

[coolibrarian]

It may feel "safer" to direct the anger towards T, than towards the person you are really angry at.

[Ididitmyway]

If the therapist is not the target of your anger, then someone else is. It may be one person or a group of people, but whoever this is, they are clearly someone you are afraid to express anger towards because that might result in some bad consequences for you or you might be unable to express anger towards them for some other reason. So, you are displacing your anger on the therapist then. Displacement of anger is a classic psychic defense that allows the person not to address the source of their anger directly while still releasing the tension the anger creates on someone else. Displacement is a major cause of bullying and other abusive behaviors. I am not saying you are a bully. I am just explaining why people use displacement.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

It may feel "safer" to direct the anger towards T, than towards the person you are really angry at.

Yep. It's a much simpler and more elegant way of saying what I said.

[SalingerEsme]

I understand this. I would love to write my T and tell him how angry I am often. The fear he would kick me out holds me back though, bc he emphasizes he works with people who WANT to be there. Ugg. My T seems so aloof the instant session ends and before in starts. In between, he wants trust, confiding, working, topic risks, progress, connection. I feel this emotional whiplash, and if the session ends with me in puddles of tears, and I get in the exposed-feeling that I might run into my own clients , friends etc of the streets of the small city, rage ensues or desolation and feeling cornered. I think it's the imbalance in me caring about his presence more than he cares about mine. Once in a while, it will seem more balanced. I was late to a session which is unheard of for me, and he was super anxious looking for me and glad to see me- which is unusual.

[susannahsays]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

If the therapist is not the target of your anger, then someone else is. It may be one person or a group of people, but whoever this is, they are clearly someone you are afraid to express anger towards because that might result in some bad consequences for you or you might be unable to express anger towards them for some other reason. So, you are displacing your anger on the therapist then. Displacement of anger is a classic psychic defense that allows the person not to address the source of their anger directly while still releasing the tension the anger creates on someone else. Displacement is a major cause of bullying and other abusive behaviors. I am not saying you are a bully. I am just explaining why people use displacement.

I have been accused by the therapist of being abusive, although not towards her. I am somewhat unable to "release the tension" of my anger towards the object because the therapist has forbidden it. She was threatening to pursue hospitalization if I continued to express my anger to the object.

[SalingerEsme]

Wow that sounds triangled and very provoking. Do you feel controlled / that she is controlling or is it a good structure in place for you?

[susannahsays]

Yes, she and C are controlling me. I wrote a letter to C with ultimatums, and the therapist said it was bad to make threats. I pointed out that she threatens me with the hospital, but she said that is for good and protection. I said I didn't need to be protected, and she disagreed with me!

[Ididitmyway]

This looks like a very intense situation. Without knowing details it'd be irresponsible for me to comment further. I hope you'll be able to resolve it. Good luck.

[Amyjay]

In the circumstances it is appropriate for the T to push for hospitalization if you harm the body you all reside in. Although it doesn't feel like it, you and C are actually on the same team. You just have very different positions.
But the end goal - to protect the child-self that you all once were - is the same. Punishing the self (C) was useful as some point to keep the self from being even more hurt by outside people. You insist you were never abused. C was. You helped keep her from experiencing more abuse by punishing her for ______ so she wouldn't get ______ by ______. I don't know what fills in the blanks for you, but the template for child abuse and parts is all the same, really.

You're one of the "good guys" under all that huff and puff. But you're still swinging the bat and you don't need to anymore.

[susannahsays]

I will have to think about this.