Couch 175: You've Got Mail....

88Butterfly88 · Aug 12, 2018, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

So I emailed p-doc to ask if some of my recent psychological issues could be due to recent med switch. She suggested a few different med options (both involving stuff I have, since I switched to this while mid-prescription), then added "Or maybe you should do an intensive outpatient program for alcohol use, since that can help with anxiety." The thing is, I'm working on the alcohol use stuff with T, and anxiety is not my concern right now, it's another psychological symptom. So I'm maybe a little bothered that she suggested that? Because I think this is a negative med side effect going on here (especially as I've had negative reactions to SSRIs and SNRIs before--this is just a different one). And I just changed meds a few weeks ago, so it seems like that could be what's contributing to symptoms, because these are new?

Suddenly feeling awkward about allowing her and T to communicate...because I want to have a very different conversation with T tomorrow. Hoping she won't contact him about it.

I think an alcohol use program may be able to help with other psychological symptoms as well, especially if you were to go to a dual diagnosis program.

unaluna · Aug 12, 2018, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Need advice: how do I stop emotionally investing into my H's health? He's doing it again today, this time it's a headache. I told him it's just a headache and his response is: "What if it's something worse? Do you want that responsibility if I die?" Wtf? I need to learn to not let this affect me or else I'm going to have another breakdown. I just yelled at him to shut up I hate this so much!

So - i would ask Artie - do you think CODA would help with this?

LonesomeTonight · Aug 12, 2018, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Is the negative side effect anxiety?

Nope! Depression and

Possible trigger:

SU ideation

plus some physical symptoms.

Aug 12, 2018, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Need advice: how do I stop emotionally investing into my H's health? He's doing it again today, this time it's a headache. I told him it's just a headache and his response is: "What if it's something worse? Do you want that responsibility if I die?" Wtf? I need to learn to not let this affect me or else I'm going to have another breakdown. I just yelled at him to shut up

I hate this so much!

Scarlet, despite his anxiety about health..him manipulating you in that way is just not okay. Hold firm to any boundaries you already set in place and make some more boundaries. Remember that your mental health is important and you have to take care of you.

downandlonely · Aug 12, 2018, 07:03 PM

LT, are you mixing alcohol with your medication? Because that can prevent it from working.

LonesomeTonight · Aug 12, 2018, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

I think an alcohol use program may be able to help with other psychological symptoms as well, especially if you were to go to a dual diagnosis program.

Yeah, it’s just last time this was recommended to me for mental health issues, not alcohol, they said I wouldn’t be able to see or contact my regular T for 3 months ( and at time it was both ex-T and ex-MC). I don’t see how that will help me, to tear me away from someone with whom I’m making progress and am trusting. So it’s a nonstarter for me right now. If I try other things and they don’t help, maybe. But right now? I’m worried about med side effects.

susannahsays · Aug 12, 2018, 07:07 PM

Hmm. That's interesting that she didn't take that seriously. Are you sure it's the medication? C's been trying new medications lately. One of the ones she tried and stopped, for the same issue actually, I think was not actually causing it. Anyway, the latest thing she is doing is going back on BC. If you've been feeling low the last two weeks, it might be hormones (Google hormonal depression). BC can help with that, if so.

LonesomeTonight · Aug 12, 2018, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Hmm. That's interesting that she didn't take that seriously. Are you sure it's the medication? C's been trying new medications lately. One of the ones she tried and stopped, for the same issue actually, I think was not actually causing it. Anyway, the latest thing she is doing is going back on BC. If you've been feeling low the last two weeks, it might be hormones (Google hormonal depression). BC can help with that, if so.

I think she's just less alarmist than my ex-pdoc

Possible trigger:

who freaked out when I did relatively minor SH a couple times and contacted ex-T out of office hours

. For hormones, that may have been the issue a week ago, but shouldn't be right now because of where I am in my cycle. That's a good thing to mention though. When I finally went off BC after having my D, I realized that BC was a huge contributor to my migraines. But I wonder if it would be worth checking into just progesterone BC? Hm... (I think it's the estrogen that led to migraines and stuff).

88Butterfly88 · Aug 12, 2018, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Yeah, it’s just last time this was recommended to me for mental health issues, not alcohol, they said I wouldn’t be able to see or contact my regular T for 3 months ( and at time it was both ex-T and ex-MC). I don’t see how that will help me, to tear me away from someone with whom I’m making progress and am trusting. So it’s a nonstarter for me right now. If I try other things and they don’t help, maybe. But right now? I’m worried about med side effects.

Oh, that stinks you wouldn't be able to contact t. I hope your pdoc figures out the meds.

LonesomeTonight · Aug 12, 2018, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

Oh, that stinks you wouldn't be able to contact t. I hope your pdoc figures out the meds.

Thanks. I mean, maybe this would be different? Like maybe I could still contact T if I went that route? But ideally, p-doc would be able to figure out meds. (And I'd continue working on the drinking thing, too.)

susannahsays · Aug 12, 2018, 07:58 PM

Why can't you just not tell the IOP people?

Aug 12, 2018, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

So - i would ask Artie - do you think CODA would help with this?

I do indeed. I just got home from my 4th meeting. Attending the meetings and working through step 1 has already started to make a positive difference in my marriage. Even Friday when I was kinda freaking out on the highway - I remembered my recovery patterns and didn't try to manage his feelings about it- I told him I was not handling the highway well and asked him to slow down and held tight to the handle thing above the door but I didn't cry and try to take on his frustration with me I stayed in my own feelings. It made a huge difference.

I am so thankful for the CODA program already!

CantExplain · Aug 12, 2018, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Need advice: how do I stop emotionally investing into my H's health? He's doing it again today, this time it's a headache. I told him it's just a headache and his response is: "What if it's something worse? Do you want that responsibility if I die?" Wtf? I need to learn to not let this affect me or else I'm going to have another breakdown. I just yelled at him to shut up

I hate this so much!

What I'm hearing is he's scared. He expresses it as fear about his health but the root cause is probably something completely different.

CantExplain · Aug 12, 2018, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Maybe you should make some sort of behavior contract with consequences for him.

But if you do, make sure it contains rewards as well as punishments.

CantExplain · Aug 12, 2018, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Youre virginia woolfe!

Thanks! (I think?)

CantExplain · Aug 12, 2018, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

More like Abraham Maslow.

Googling now...

Ok. "Hierarchy of needs."

LonesomeTonight · Aug 12, 2018, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Why can't you just not tell the IOP people?

Hm, true...would rather not go that way if possible though. And not sure if T would be like "nope, can't talk!"

ScarletPimpernel · Aug 12, 2018, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Ugh, I'm sorry--sounds like he's trying to put all this on you. I can understand your reaction. I've read before that if it's the worst headache of your life, then you should go to the ER (since could be, say, aneurysm or meningitis) but otherwise might not help. Maybe tell him to wait it out a bit or see if ibuprofen or tylenol helps? Hugs...

Yeah. I told him to take Excedrin or at least the ingredients of Excedrin. He actually did, but he says it hasn't helped. I told him to drink more water, but he says he's not dehydrated. I told him those two things are what any doctor or hospital will tell him to do (that's what I was told to do). He still wants to go. I told him to wait till tomorrow to see his doctor (he has an appointment tomorrow with his pcp). And I told him to wait till he sees the neurologist, but that's not for another month.

I need to somehow let this go. But it infuriates me so much. I know it's wrong and unhealthy. I can't support it. It goes against my being. Yet for my own health, I have to let it go...somehow.

susannahsays · Aug 12, 2018, 08:41 PM

Let it go or let him go. I guess those are your options. Maybe you should consult a lawyer about a conservatorship.

ScarletPimpernel · Aug 12, 2018, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

What I'm hearing is he's scared. He expresses it as fear about his health but the root cause is probably something completely different.

I know he's scared, but I don't understand why. It's not logical to me.

CantExplain · Aug 12, 2018, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I know he's scared, but I don't understand why. It's not logical to me.

It may not be logical at all.

RaineD · Aug 12, 2018, 09:38 PM

I finally signed up for talkspace. Figured I could use some help dealing with T's illness and the impending end of therapy. I can't imagine going to another real-life therapist right now, or any time in the near future. But a therapist to just text with, I think I can do, as long as they're not CBT robots.

atisketatasket · Aug 12, 2018, 10:00 PM

I wrote Info about what Piaf said about my hearing (not telling her Piaf was a therapist). She was horrified.

I appreciate her reaction, though the more exclamation points in a row someone uses (it was 5 here) the harder I find it to take them seriously.

stopdog · Aug 12, 2018, 10:03 PM

I am glad info was supportive and appropriately horrified even if she did engage in punctuation excess to express it.

healed84 · Aug 12, 2018, 10:33 PM

Hi couch

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