Couch 175: You've Got Mail....

Doctor appointments for each of his issues: cardiologist, neurologist, pulmonary doctor, eye doctor, and pcp.

Right now, hospital is free because sadly we met the deductible. Pcp cost $25, specialist cost $55, and hospital costs $325.

So it's sort of funny, sort of not. H went to the hospital last night and they told him he wasn't a priority since he was just there that morning. They only ran blood tests and then sent him home. He's pissed. He no longer wants to go to that hospital. I told him he's burning bridges even with the hospital now. He said he's going to make a bunch of doctors appointments instead of going to the hospital.

There might not be any reasoning with him, but can you give him a limit no more than 2 visits in a month. Maybe he also needs to be shown all the appointment bills.

I've been awake since 3am trying to go back to sleep but it's not working so I give up. Maybe I'll just get dressed and go for a walk and find the sunrise. Therapy is hard. So hard. No wonder I quit in June. It was about to get super hard again and subconsciously I must have known it. I'm still glad I went back but dammit it's hard! And it's relentless this need to be my true Self again. Just, yeah, relentless is the word for it. I'm just tired tired tired of pretending, of wearing masks and hiding under layers of protection.

Thanks, Lost. I'm in a strange place of being a combination of terrified and inspired by it at the same time. Leaning toward inspired I suppose since I committed to weekly sessions through October and started going to CODA meetings. But I'm scared, too.... Of the unknown, just how much is this transformation I'm on the verge of gonna shake up the life I've built, etc.

Hmm. Just saw my son's Facebook page he put his status as "in a relationship"... this might be getting serious he's never done that before with the other girls he's dated.... am I ready for this?

Why would he accept her limits? Just because im YOUR slave - not all relationships are perfect like ours

@@ I think I found a German Netflix show you might like it's called Dark. It's about a missing boy and yesterday and today not being consecutive!

But it has a scene within the first 3 minutes which could be triggering- so might be best kept for when you're feeling better.

That doesn't sound much fun.

C and I have been accommodated by a professor after the fact. For example, if there were 9 absences allowed before the grade was to be affected, the professor chose to not penalize us for missing an extra couple classes. However, I agree that it seems a bit ridiculous to forecast the absences, and to do so in such a vague way. The professor was willing to work with us because we demonstrated that we are not a lazy student by doing well on assignments and always participating in class, unlike many of our classmates. I have never heard of such an accommodation being given ahead of time, and I would never want to start off with a professor by asking for such a thing. In fact, C and I were always prepared to accept the percentage off of our grade due to the absences, but the professors actually approached us wanting to know if something was wrong. A "flexible attendance" policy that does not allow for professor discretion seems like it would be prone to abuse.

You mean make the doctor appointments in advance just in case? He's really a piece of work. Will going to the doctor be cheaper?

I put it on my list, actually.

Awwwww you have no idea how much that made my heart sing.

I don't want a slave- I think I'd like to fight over what we watch on Netflix, but other than that I think as long as we're 50% on most things it would be okay. My wifey won't clean= hire a cleaning lady. My wifey won't cook-=order in. See I'm not that that hard to please.

What masks are you wearing?

I wonder if your H has munchausen syndrome. It’s when you constantly pretend to be sick to get attention.

Always being what I think other people want me to be

I want you to be Artie, what's the Artie mask look like?

Always being what I think other people want me to be

My dad always said, marriage was 50-50 - he earned the money, she spent it. He bought the car, she drove it! we're a perfect match! So who gets to ride the elephant at our wedding, or do we both? (Good thing im culturally literate, huh? )

Isn’t there a danger that by trying to solve this problem via therapy, you will be what you think your therapist wants you to be?

I don’t know that you need to find your true Self. I think maybe you just need to feel independent and self-confident. And the rest will follow.

I don’t know that any of us really know what we are doing beyond our daily routine.