Couch 175: You've Got Mail....

Didn't you say your ER copay is $325? How is he planning on paying for all these ER visits?

I'm not sure. He says we met our deductible, so we don't need to pay the copay? I don't know.

I may be wrong, but it's if you met your out of pocket max then you don't have to pay the copay. You still have to pay the copay even if you met your deductible. That's how my policy works at least. I hope you can protect yourself financially somehow. Maybe open a separate checking account in your name only and start putting some money aside. You don't need financial stress on top of the other stress.

this may be way off base but is it possible he is addicted to this?

I don't know how insurance works. But we haven't gotten any hospital bills stating we owe the copay? We don't pay it up front.

Maybe? My T thinks he might be developing OCD.

Hormone Stuff is supposed to come out via the tears. Kinda like an eye orgasm but maybe not so intense. Maybe you stop before your "done"? I think thats what i used to do, my parents were always yelling at me to stop crying, id be all congested.

You cant do that! she said inflexibly.

I do not find crying useful. I found it astonishing when the woman kept trying to get me to cry in her office. Fortunately, I finally got her to stop

Strangely enough, she didn't openly object.
But it probably contributed to her accusations that I was "trying to control her."

Yeah - control her, and control the process. Definitely not letting your freak flag fly!

It really depends on the insurance (my H works for a health insurance company). Hospitals can take some time to send the bills. Do you get explanation of benefits statements from your insurance company, like where they list out the claims, what they pay, and what you owe? And then it usually includes the deductible, the out of pocket max, and how much you've paid for them. Or you may have to go online to access it. Then you could see if the insurance is saying that you owe the hospital anything.

The other concern is...what if insurance ends up denying some of the claims? Then you could end up owing more. It sounds like your H just assumes they'll keep paying no matter what, but I imagine there could be some sort of limit if it seems excessive or unnecessary, particularly with him going to the ER--which is more expensive--vs. a doctor or an urgent care center. H's company has a campaign to try to keep people from going to the ER for non-emergencies--to do urgent care or a doctor instead--though I guess your H sees them all as emergencies...

Stopdog's therapy technique is based on advanced strategic considerations, and is not recommended for the beginner.

why shouldn't the client have the agenda they want. It is not like therapists are known for their flexibility

I'm not sure I quite follow you... But i think you agree with me!

Said the pot to the kettle...

Madame T certainly was not. That's one point I did manage to get across.

"I know you think I'm inflexible..."
Hooray! She must have been listening at some point.

No, i dont. Sorry!

Lol at "eye orgasm." Yes, I've heard crying can release some sort of hormone. (And I think I've read it's a different hormone in like "happy tears," say from laughter, vs. sad ones.) It often makes me feel better afterward, if I can really let go, whether in session, in the car, at home, whatever. Though I can also have a sort of crying hangover if it's too much. My parents also used to yell at me to stop crying.

My T has only commented on my crying a couple times, like if I've suddenly started crying, seemingly out of nowhere, when he's saying something. He's been like, "You're crying. What just happened? What's going on?" To try to get to the feelings behind it (I'm OK with his doing that). But if I'm talking about something sad and crying, then he doesn't say anything and just lets me go.

He's also commented a few times when I've pulled the last few tissues out of the box, like he's said, 'Uh oh, we'll have to see if those can last" (though he has another box in the room, which I've gone to before). Or the one time, when I'd used up a box,when I was there the next day for an extra session, he had a bigger box than normal by where I sit. T: "I got the industrial size." I think joking about it a bit helps normalize it (and he knows me well enough now that joking about it is OK).

Don't tell me you're still sore about dona ferentes.

In general I am not a fan of crying and never thought it did anything good. I also came from a family who told me to stop crying when I am upset, because it’s immature so I am sure that has something to do with why I rarely cry in front of other people. I do sometimes cry in the car by myself..

Anyways, I think part of what felt good about crying yesterday with t was that it was in the presence of somebody who in the moment genuinely cared about the reason why I was crying. The whole session had a more gentle tone to it and it was just I needed.. I just didn’t know that I needed it lol.

Also, I am not officially in the calendar for once a month with t. We’ll see how that goes!!

Well, there you go. I don’t have hormones on my meds.

But I have always found it useless, even though my parents didn’t reproach me for crying or anything like that.

I walked into the post office today, dressed normally, carrying a carrier bag containing a wall-mountable bottle opener I just bought, looking totally like a normal 5' 5" woman. The security on the door looked at me really suspiciously and oddly said "hi" to me. I looked at him and said "hi" back and went to queue.
Then a different staff member came up to me looking really nervous and asked me what I was doing there (!). I was really surprised so I showed her the documents I was there to have checked and she was like "Oh...okay...I thought I might have been able to help you with...er...self service" and walked off. WTF! In what universe do I look like someone who is going to rob a fricking post office?? There were quite a few people in the post office and I was definitely singled out. I'd love to know what they were thinking. I was absolutely dumbstruck.

Was there a wanted-poster on the wall with your mugshot on it?

That is literally the only explanation I can think of - that my doppleganger is going around robbing post offices in the north of England!