Couch 176: The happy cake couch

gmail has changed stuff and it's messing with my head already

There again it is nearly 5am in the morning. I need to go back to bed. Tigger wanted breakfast, which is why I'm awake.

#32

I've given up on saying "no". It's like yelling at a dog: might make you feel better, but they don't understand.

Did he not agree to see a T Scarlet?

I don't think he's going to stop on his own.

He did agree. But the first guys house was not disability friendly. The rest have not contacted me. I think I've contacted 10, and the rest we're very religious. If the last few who I contacted today don't get back to me, then there's no therapist left who accepts our insurance and located in a 15 mile radius. H isn't willing to travel far and isn't willing to pay out of pocket. He also prefers a male. I might have to find a female T for him. Though... it freaks me out to think about my H being attached to a female T. Oh hell no! (Yes I have jealousy issues).

There is one other option for therapy, but that would require him to switch his primary to my clinic. I don't think he's going to do that.

There's also one other option for a pdoc and that's county's clinic, but again I don't think he'll do that.

Our dog just threw up 7 times. I texted H telling him that he needed to be here for his family, not getting attention at a hospital. He wants to come home and take her to the emergency vet. I thought that was really nice until he said there's no beds open at the hospital so he thinks it will be a long time. So I guess he's coming home?

Eta: He left the hospital telling me I have to get ready for the vet. I told him I'm too tired and in too much pain and he should take her. He said that his health is more important and he went back to the hospital.

Ugh I’m sorry Scarlet. I hope your dog is OK.

I'm sorry scarlet... This is so wrong of your H... I hope your dog will be ok and that you feel better soon... I wish I had any advice

((Scarlet))

Time to talk to your lawyer about your options for either restraining your husband or cutting yourself loose.

Extra session with T tomorrow to address attachment stuff from last session and the email I sent him last night. He wisely said he'd rather discuss in person (which I'd said in the email was OK if he preferred). Still keeping the Friday pre-vacation-with-my-parents session, then not seeing him for like 12 days due to my/then his vacation.

ETA: Oh wait, 11 days, I can't count. Well, that's assuming he can see me the Tuesday after Labor Day, but his schedule is usually fairly open, so I imagine he can.

Dog's okay. The vet gave her an anti-nausea shot, and told me to give her 1/4 a Prilosec twice a day. They think she just has a sensitive stomach (she's had it before). They said if she doesn't get better, then they'll want to do x-rays and gi blood panel.

My H... still at the hospital.

Glad your dog's doing better. Hope it's just the sensitive stomach thing. Sorry about your H...did he even contact you to check on how the vet went?

I'm back to being a R fan girl. I cried a lot, we talked about our last session, my dream.

But have to wait until the 28th until he comes back. The day before my exam....

Scarlet, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with whatever h's deal is esp with still recovering from your surgery and the dog being sick. sending you big safe hugs.

I hope it goes well LT.

I'm glad the dog got seen too and is doing better.

I would also contact female T's to widen the circle. He needs to see someone now. He might not necessarily form an attachment but even if he did it wouldn't be more than a T-client relationship.

Hi couch. I'm struggling a lot this morning still with the higher power/trust stuff. A core issue I wish I'd gotten to sooner. But well there were lots of layers to get thru before it could be discovered I guess. My heart aches and feels somehow empty. Hugs to those who want and I need 'em too if that is ok.

Its really not surprising I suppose that I have trust issues thinking about how I grew up... but I buried them under so much else... and did a **** load of pretending....

Artie sometimes we're harder on ourselves then we would be with anyone else- you're aware of the stuff now and that's the main thing. I think you're right you had to go through the layers first you can't run before you can stand.

It's harder to trust anyone when we have dysfunctional starts. pretending helps us survive and to cope with it all- you're not alone on that.

I went back and looked at the letters I sent to the first woman and confirmed that I told her the exact same thing for about 6 years and she never heard me or understood. I tried talking, writing, and pictures. About the only thing left out was interpretive dance and finger puppets.
And I don't know how communication went so badly. Was she unable to understand English?
Recently, she said that she thought "our relationship" got better when my person got sick. Of course it would seem that way- she couldn't humiliate me about that.
Of course, I had told her that several times.

For me 6 years is a long time. Did you find it helpful in anyway, despite feeling like you weren't heard?

She was useful to fight with - you can't hurt a therapist. And she was useful to use as a place to vent over my sick person. She understood grief. That did not require an understanding of me.

Good morning couch. How did we get to page 13 before I jumped on? I'm a slacker. . .

First day of school today, there were no tears (I'm the one who usually cries, not her!) and no resistance to waking up on time. Let's hope that carries through the entire school year.

My oldest is talking moving out. I had a slight meltdown yesterday at work trying to discuss it. I know she's old enough to be on her own, but I still don't feel like I'm ready for her to move out. Why aren't we cautioned as parents about how to handle it when our fledglings leave the nest?

Have a good day, couch!

(Oops forgot to quote this in response to atat)Yep. Answering all the questions in step 1 was really helpful and I'm finding the meetings helpful too so I'm trying to stick with it. But step 2 is hard. I like this particular group because they don't push the religious thing, instead refer to higher power as we each define that, a something bigger than ourselves that isn't another person I suppose. And I find that I don't know how I define that. Or if I even do at all.