Couch 176: The happy cake couch

You feel the way you feel and it's honestly okay to have feelings of jealously. I wouldn't want to work time.

I'm really tired of my 50 hour work week *hugs*

It doesn't help when my sister talks about being bored in her home (house with husband, FIL, MIL) or all about her 4th holiday in 6 months abroad.

She says our parents treat her like a cash cow but honestly, she's voluntarily buying them gifts periodically whenever she visits. She offers to pay for restaurant meals even when my parents say they'll foot half of it. She's doing it voluntarily, albeit out of feelings of obligation. And it's not "her" money anyway, but her husband's.

She tries to be somewhat emotionally supportive of me though so I feel I don't have any right to be envious.

20% is a good amount and it all does add up. It's understandable making a large change would bring feelings of terror. When would you be planning on moving to Scandinavia?

Hopefully two or three years from now, I'll be there after preparatory stuff, visa wait times and other factors.

Maybe show her that she's over compensating and doesn't have to pay for everything. I did the same thing with my baby sister I would let her buy anything whenever she went shopping with me, but I just wanted her to be happy and treat her.

It's okay and perfectly normal to have negative feelings as well as positive ones. In all honesty I'm jealous of a family who looks picture perfect on instagram and have just come back from their recent holiday. Chapter one of this dbt workbook I never finished went on about radical acceptance, accepting our feelings without judging them.

So kinda soon! House party at yours- I'll bring the obligatory house plant gift!

Agree, definitely going to gently ask her since I'm quite certain she does all that out of a sense of guilt and obligation.

Oh man, I used to do that with my baby brother -- pay for meals, outings, all of his therapy even when he started a part time job for more spending money. (He's still in school so our parents give him spending money and cover his expenses). He eventually happily agreed to pay a percentage of his therapy fees and some of his meals with me.

Radical acceptance is hard! T gave me a handout on that from a DBT book because I struggled so hard to accept my parents have hurt me so badly (I sometimes still swing back into denial mode).

Yes!! Oh and couch pillows too OMG. My partner says it's standard for family sized houses in Norway to have TWO living rooms!

It's nice of your brother to agree.

To be honest I'm good at being logical with others, not so hot when it comes to myself- so the acceptance thing is hard for me too. When I was doing the sutures and kept getting it wrong I said a lot of awful things to the child part of me.

Oh that sounds nice. I'd like to have my own version of a man cave if I ever get married. You'll get lots of design inspiration from pintrest and Ikea. I love the hygge style. Oooo I listened to Roald Dahl's autobiography he made the fish sound magical!

Would it helped if you saw your child part as someone else's child part? It's been a long journey for me to reduce being hateful, physically and emotionally abusive (SH etc) and harsh towards my child part.

I started thinking of my friends' child parts (some have multiple child parts because OSDD/DID) and doing a common humanity loving kindness wish: "May you be safe, may we be safe" etc. Slowly I've grown to believe the "we" part, especially knowing that friends have similar self hatred of themselves and their child part(s).

Here's one I like: Metta: A Lyric for Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse — Rest For Resistance

Plus the more I read about evidence based parenting methods ("connected parenting", "gentle parenting" etc which focus on building and maintaining secure attachment with a child), the more compassion I feel for other's child parts and real children, and my own child part (who still feels "not me" in some ways...)

Caveat: I don't think I've alters at all, with or without amnesia... My child part doesn't have self autonomy like alters. It's just that I in general don't feel connected to my "inner child" because I don't see them clearly and they shift appearances and genders and don't even look like photos of me when I was younger.

But maybe someone with alters can respond if it's similar to accepting child alters, in case it helps some of us here.

I love the style too! Simple, clean, cozy, practical

Leaving a heap of love in here for the couchies

I'm in bed underneath my soft blanket white blanket. I spent a lot of money on scented candles after I read The Little Book of Hygge. But I've saved quite a few photos that I've saved from instagram.

I'll be really glad for the day I can burn a scented candle in my room and not worry about getting yelled at.

I can feel that my brother deserved so much more but I have no compassion for myself. I like that poem and I saved it .I can dissociate when I get really bad, but they're not completely separate for me either. Lousie hay has recorded a few nice meditations on youtube.

I do this suggestion with some friends and I'll like to include you if you feel comfortable? (Okay if not, no pressure )

You be:
1) as self neutral to yourself as possible (perfection isn't possible) when self compassion isn't possible and you're feeling self hatred especially self punitive....like how you'd have compassion for your brother or friends
2) I try to do the same. Cuz I have way more compassion for my younger brother and all my friends than myself too.

If it'll increase the immense pressure already on you though, then no!

Do you have a lock on your door? Unscented can still have the same effect.

Oh I think I'll be in. It doesn't seem too taxing tbh!

Yup, but my parents like to knock whenever they want and I'm afraid they'll smell the lingering scent. (not sure if I'm over thinking but then the old man legit monitors what time my room lights go off...) I actually have a scented candle from my partner's family but haven't dared ever light it lol.

Okay!! *hugs*

Do we have a special handshake and membership cards?

No that makes sense. I'm sorry you have to go through that. You can put the candle in its place of honour and light it whenever you want in your own home.

No but I got a good chuckle and a warm smile thinking of you hopefully feeling even the tiniest bit better

You really did help QM. I made this lame joke a while back when Artie's phone wasn't working again, but I'm not sure if you saw it. It went like this: James bond has Q we have QM.

I'm still low tbh, replacing that with irritation at R- even though he's done nothing wrong I want to use it as an excuse and blow up in his face ( I see him tomorrow) . It sounds stupid, but I blame him for making me remember things I'd rather forget and for not being here then just getting to swan back into my life like nothing happened.