Couch 176: The happy cake couch

OMG, I'm like 15 minutes late. I hope it went well

45 minutes
After 3 long weeks

I hope it goes well... Are you planning on bringing anything specific up? I know I'd be extremly anxious...

Thank you guys for the pocket riders- I didn't see them in time though xD! I was my usual angry self, cried a lot. He said we reached a crossroad, because I kept trying to fight him. Told him about back up T, yesterday's drama. I told him that I wanted to trust him, but I didn't. Told him about PC and my username here- he said that I was letting him into my inner world.(He repeated it but now I think about it I didn't say it was one word). We talked about why I didn't tell him in words when I emailed, how bad things were. I brought up the dream and



Now I'm munching on half a bar of Kinder bueno- my official post therapy thing I'd recommend.

It was nice but I felt it was too soft. Something I've been craving for a while.It needed more crunchiness to be an item classified as suitable for munching.

Welcome back.

Stupid stupid crisis line had a busy signal three times. Grr!!! At least I got my care manager on the phone but she needs to get back to me with what to do. And t says I'm doing well. Yeah, no, don't even think I'm gonna bother to go back. Clearly t doesn't know the definition of well.

(((((Butterfly)))))

If there is one thing I hate it’s when those morons discount how their clients actual feel. Like if one is depressed don’t say I think you’re doing well! If one is ridden with anxiety don’t say I think you’re doing well.

Thank you

Yes, totally.

PAPYRUS and Samaritans are UK charities, but you could still email for support.

jo@samaritans.org

pat@papyrus-uk.org

I used to go to a group where both the members and the therapist liked to tell me how much better I was doing. I'm depressed, I'm suicidal. How is that doing better? It really irritated me that they kept telling me this. My therapist doesn't do this, thankfully, but if he did I would tell him how wrong he was. For some reason in group, I didn't feel I could contradict them. I'm sorry your therapist isn't getting it, butterfly.

Thank you

Urgs. It's not your T's business to say whether you're doing well or not. Sorry about the crisis line too... Is there anything we can do to help?

A few years ago I had a (awful) T that kept telling me how much better I was doing. I had felt more depressed and suicidal than ever before. It felt extremly invalidating.

We're also willing to listen if you want to talk things through butterfly.

I feel too ashamed to see my therapist today after yesterday's topic.

I think your T will be proud of you for sharing the really hard stuff NP.

So T actually told me to talk to you all about this Sorry if I repeat things.

Is it stupid to change all your doctors (excluding T of course!)

Here's what happened: So I thought I was having complications with the surgery, but I knew I couldn't get in to see my pcp (takes 2 months). So my H suggested I see his pcp's wife who is also a pcp. I did, and I really liked her. She got me in the next day. The next afternoon, I thought I had complications again, so my H told me to call the after hours line, and she'll call me back. She did within 10 mins.

Because of her availability, I'd like to switch pcp's even though I do have a slight attachment to my current pcp. But...the clinic doesn't allow me to see my Pdoc or ob/gyn if I don't have a primary there. So I'll have to find a new Pdoc and ob/gyn. I have found a new Pdoc who I'll see on the 20th. And I'm planning on talking to my Pdoc first to see if I could come back if anything goes wrong.

Is this stupid to let go a good consistent thing? Or is it healthy to move on a develop new relationships with doctors who will be more available?

2 months seems like too long to get into a PCP to me.

I think doctors are relatively replaceable to be honest, unless you're seeing someone at the the top of their game in their speciality and I say that as someone still in training. Personally I'd hate to wait 2 months for an appointment. Next day appointments and call backs when promised sounds like a good thing in my book.

My T is and my ex-Pdoc would be proud of me. I'm finally willing to go outside my safe little circle I created. And it's not because something went wrong. I'm willing to let go of attachments I've created.

The biggest thing is that I'm cutting off my "line" to ex-Pdoc. I can't communicate with her directly; only through my current Pdoc. It's really hard knowing I'm going to let her go. She'd be so proud though. (I'm tearing up now). But like T mentioned, I haven't even written to her since she left.

T says this is not what a "typical" borderline would do. That's one of the reasons it's very healthy of me to do this.

I just want to make sure that I'm not being stupid because this is a big thing for me to do.
___________________
Side question: Do you think I should inform new pcp about borderline and me developing attachments? Knowing myself, I probably will develop an attachment to her.

Im thinking you might have to see a fertility specialist anyway, so you wouldnt necessarily be seeing only your old original obgyn? Plus i kinda like the idea of a family practice - husband and wife pcps - maybe it would help get your h's issues in hand. Also - 2 months? No way. That tells me i am not a valued customer. Or, at least it would probably tell a normal person that. I personally would be inclined to forge a reason why that made the dr extra-special and me extra-lucky - until i died, anyway.

Yes. I'll be seeing the fertility specialist until I'm 3 months pregnant. And besides one last check-up from the surgery, I really don't need an ob/gyn.

It takes 2 months to see my pcp because she's part of a clinic. They take in anyone, with or without insurance. And there's tons of illegal Mexicans where I live, and they don't have anywhere else to go. So they get booked real fast. The only way to see a doctor sooner is for them to double book.

That's a very Stopdog way of expressing it.

Is there a legal requirement to have only one PCP?