Last session

So I had my last ever session with my t!
I am in the process of accepting that unless I change my mind about the way things happened, we can’t work together anymore. Basically my t is gaslighting me, she is telling me things didn’t happen the way I said they did.
I told her something I said didn’t matter so she told me she didn’t like my attitude and it had better change if I wanted to carry on with her and also I had to change my story. So I told her today was our last session.
It was really hard to do and to stay strong because my attachment to her was really crying and sobbing.
T said I should think about it before throwing all of my toys out of the cot but I knew in my heart and soul things can never be the same again unless I agree with her on something I don’t agree with.
Therapy is complete bulls***

Wow, I can't believe your T said you had better change your attitude if you wanted to keep working with her. That's outrageous. I'm sorry things didn't end well with your T and I know the attachment part will be really hard. Keep talking here to PC if it helps. There are people listening.

Sounds like you made the right choice. Sounds like the therapist is terrible! Sorry you had such a bad experience

Thanks for your reply, I don’t even know what i can even say about it anymore, it’s just too surreal to even believe!

I actually think that my t could be a psychopath, the way she was trying to manipulate everything today was dangerous!

I think context is important.


What exactly did you tell her that she responded to with "you'd better change your attitude" ??

What was the story you were telling vs the story she was telling?

He asked me who I had told and what I had told them and I said what did it matter who I told or what I said. To that she went mad and said you better change your attitude if you want to work with me, I don’t care for smart answers.

As for the story I was telling as far as I am concerned that is the truth, well my truth at least.
I said that after all our time working together and this one day she went mad and decided to report my abuser, it came out of nowhere and like a blow to the stomach.
T said it didn’t happen like that, that I withheld this particular price of information, which I know I had told her several times before.
She then said that I was lying, that I never told her that before and that if we wanted to continue working together I would have to retract what I said and say I had never told her that! Also I would have to say that I refused to collaborate with her when filling out the form and stop clamming up in session.

Is she a member of a professional body? This sounds a absolutely complaint-worthy (if you felt up to going down that route).

Yes, she is a member of a highly regarded professional body. I had thought about reporting her but now I am not so sure, earlier I was sure that these were my experiences but now I don’t know what’s real. I don’t trust myself because she will only say it never happened or not like that.

I think you made a brave choice. Her toys out of the cot comment was completely patronizing.

Will you look for another therapist? Do you feel any relief at finally determining on a course of action with this therapist? I know it has been very hard and back and forth since she did what she did.

It was a very patronising comment, she speaks to me like a am a moody teenager not her client!
I am still in two minds about it. I will miss her so much but she didn’t respect my wishes at all. It has been a very strange relationship from the start.

I still think she handled this situation like a bull in a china shop but she thinks she handled it with integrity and respect so I am completely confused!

I say trust your instinct.

Thanks Slumberkitty, sometimes I am not sure who or what to trust but on the upside they would accept the report without my consent. I have to ring them tomorrow if I wish to proceed with the report.
T made me do this and filled out the form without my consent and they told her that the complainant has to fill it in.
She must be really mad now!!

I'd be careful in reporting her Its her word against yours. She's the professional and you the patient with MI I'm sorry to say this unless you get concrete proof she's the one who will be believed. Over 20 years ago I went to T's office and to cut to the chase he raped me. There were no witnesss so I figured there was no case. I feel sorry she treated you so shabbily.,

I don't think it's really our place to interrogate or judge. Especially when the original poster is not asking for an opinion. I'm sure this was not your intention but your comment comes across as quite invalidating.

Bear in mind that a complaint to a professional body is not like a criminal complaint. It doesn't require "evidence" and generally doesn't have to meet the same standard ("beyond a reasonable doubt" or whatever it is in your area) that a criminal complaint would have to meet. You are just saying that someone behaved unprofessionally. This is usually taken seriously. It may be part of a pattern and you might not be the first or the last to complain about her.

Oftentimes, the more highly-regarded the professional body, the more seriously they take complaints of unprofessional behaviour, especially the abuse of power. That is how they remain highly-regarded.

That’s very true, I know this crowd do take complaints very seriously- she is very highly regarded amongst other therapists and in this profession that is why she keeps saying she hasn’t done anything and that I am the one projecting.

She overstepped, then. That's a pretty good indicator to me that she doesn't have a clear idea about where she ends and you begin. Which would support your complaint against her if you want to go that route.

So sorry this has happened to you.

There is a lot of enmeshment between us! I am the first to admit that
Today I have been feeling different about all this. I mean what if t really does care and by acknowledging and reporting him was her way of showing me that she cares because it must have been so hard for her to do it against my wishes.
I just keep changed my my mind about it, one minute I am really angry at her and the next full of compassion. This is so hard.

T may care and be unclear about where she ends and you begin. Not too surprising, then, if you have different responses and feelings about it?

But it doesn't compute to me that "acknowledging and reporting him was her way of showing me that she cares. . .". If showing that she cares was her main goal, then surely there are other ways to do that which do not involve stepping on your territory? Maybe caring about you was involved in the decision, but there's still the question about whether it was legitimately her decision to make.

Also as I've said elsewhere, surely she must know that she is potentially opening you up to a world of misery by filing a criminal report like that? It is not caring or loving to make someone speak with police or the courts about having experienced sexual violence. It is disempowering and messed up. Is restorative justice a thing where you live? Is there ANY realistic way this perpetrator would ever face justice? Even if the answer to that question is yes, it's not for anyone but you to make that call. If the answer is no, which it would be in most places, then making someone report a crime like that verges on sadism.

Therapists are mandated reporters. If this person still has access to children and she knows his identity, she is in fact, required to report him by law.

That sort of mandated reporting never* requires the therapist to bully the client to fill out a police report. There is nothing in this saying that the therapist was merely fulfilling their legal obligations.

*Never anywhere that I've heard of anyway.

When I spoke to the social worker who took the report from t she said she was sorry I had experienced this and understood it was traumatic and she trusted my judgement that there is currently no children at risk and asked if I would like to proceed with the complaint. I declined and case is closed.
I did feel t bullied me into reporting because of her own issues. She guilted me into feeling so bad! How could I sleep at night knowing this man was feee to abuse as many children as he wanted and did I not feel guilty about it, etc...