[happyflowergirl]

Can you ever trust again? I am trying, I have come a long way in therapy, but when your T becomes more than your T, it muddled the therapy situation, and then I lost him even though I left. He hurt me, and that is hard to accept, he took advantage of me emotionally . I do trust my new T and have gone farther with my child abuse issues in 3 months than I did with my old T in 2 1/2 years. But I progressed in other areas to because of my old T help.

But when your T crosses the line, it hurts like hell, when his counter-transference forces him to be very unkind to me because of his growing feelings. He means so much to me still, but I feel such a loss, he intertwined into my life so much, now that he is gone, I am reminded daily of what I have lost. It is just sad.

EVen though the stretching of the boundries felt good at the time, I wish he would have kept them. I miss him at the gym, in sessions, and especially since I am grieving my brother and my grandchild's death, I miss his support. Slowly I am turning to my new T for support, and missing my old T is becoming less, but it is just so sad.

[Kiya]

=(

[Perna]

Anyone we invest in and lose, we have to get back that piece of ourselves (hopefully enriched with the other) and that's always a painful period. It's okay to mourn. Can you talk about the whole thing with your new T?

[happyflowergirl]

Yeah, we have talked a great deal, and even did EMDR processing on it. He was hesident with talking about it, because he knows him professionally, and I get the impression that maybe he might have been my T's T at one time. But eventually I broke that shell, because I needed to talk about it.
My old T and me had a really nice connection, and we both liked each other a lot, but our relationship, became more. He fought it off so much, and was bothered by it, that is why I don't think it was a common thing he has dealt with before. My new T says that this does happen in therapy maybe once in a T's carreer, where they do meet and work with someone that they are drawned torwards and it is hard to fight those natural feelings that happen. But this wasn't used a attraction, it went much deeper than that between both of us. He tried to hide it, but it became so obvious to me and others that saw how he responded to me at the gym. It was so weird all the odd coinceidences between us, it really is amazing. I wish I could talk more about it here, but I probably shouldn't.

BUt, yes, it is an on going topic with my new T. My new T says that my relationship with my old T wasn't the typical therapy relationship with transference and countertransference problems, it was special, but it could never be for many reasons. I still feel him in my heart, I think he will always be there. It is something I have only felt for a couple of others in my life. My grandmother was one of them. I didn't feel it with my husband or my kids, or anyone else for at least 15 years. I don't know if I believe in soul mates, but it feels like that in a spiritial way.