[MRT6211]

Was thinking back to a previous (disasterous) session I had with an exT and wanted to know if anyone else had experienced this.

[DP_2017]

The one and only time I cried, he said he did too. I wasn't able to see for sure as I was crying on his shoulder... but I found it sweet to hear

[Anne2.0]

I've cried quite a few times over the years and I've not experienced my various t's crying at the same time. With my current T, he teared up a little when I was talking about how I wished I'd received more acknowledgement for the good things I've done-- I think I was talking about my childhood but it also applies in adulthood. I'm not expecting a ticker tape parade but as an adult I was in a space wishing for more positive feedback in my personal and professional life.

I remember he said, "I didn't get enough 'atta-boys' either," and I interpreted that as touching off a small place of sadness for a similar lack of positive experience. His face shifted into a fleeting look of sadness as it crossed, and he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

I said "other" in the poll because I don't see it as something negative for sure, but am also not convinced it was something positive. Long before this, I've known that certain experiences I have had are understood by him, that fewer have similar things that relate to his own life. So there is no impact on me knowing he understands, or knowing he has experienced something vaguely in the neighborhood in his own life. The emotion was mild in the room, even though that might have been the first and perhaps only time he's been that teary, I don't see tears as anything special compared to other emotional responses. I don't mind or seek emotional responses in my therapy. If the T has an emotional response (assuming it isn't expressed in an intense or inauthentic to me way), that's fine but nothing that improves my well-being per se. To me it's much more important to feel understood than to feel he has an emotional reaction to it.

[stopdog]

Not as far as I ever noticed, but I probably would not have noticed unless the therapist had started sobbing or something. I never cried and I doubt the the therapist would have had reason to do so.

Mine only recently was really taken snack with what I was saying and was leaning on her elbow listening.
Then I could see her eyes water and she said "that's awful, makes me feel like crying"

Now it doesn't bother me. But at the time, it threw me. Never in 16yrs had she cried.

[LabRat27]

Not current T. He knows it would not be in my best interests, at least not at this point in time.

Therapist #3 did once though. I was like 16, so that would have been like 7 years ago. it made me feel like I had to protect her and others because knowing about my issues/feelings and childhood would be upsetting for them, and so it was my responsibility and obligation to keep it to myself.

[SlumberKitty]

No, my former T and none of the other ones have cried during a session. I think it would have bothered me massively. I need my T to be in control of their emotions in case mine are not in control.

[MRT6211]

What happened to me is that my T cried because I told whe that I didn’t think our therapy was helping me (objectively, it was not, it ended up with 4 hospitalizations and a serious attempt on my life, even though before I saw her I was never hospitalized, and I never have been after I stopped seeing her, either). She said it was deeply upsetting to her to hear that and her voice cracked and tears started streaming down her face and she had to get tissues for herself. She apologized but then I just sat there staring at the ground and repeating “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Over and over again. Although, I did mean in...I just felt like I broke my therapist. It made me feel even more awful about myself. It was incredibly damaging. That whole therapy relationship was toxic, though.

[satsuma]

Yes, once. Not sobbing, but his eyes teared up and he couldn't speak for a few minutes.

It was a strange experience for me. For the first year of therapy I didn't really experience very much emotion when talking about things to do with my life in session. My emotions were mostly numb. So it was strange to see someone else so emotional about something in my life, when I just felt numbness and nothing at all.

I said 'other' in the poll because I don't really know how to explain my reaction. I wouldn't say it was positive - if that happened often then I might not feel free to speak openly in session because I might feel that I had to shield or protect my T. I also want to know that he is mostly in control of his own 'stuff' as it helps me to trust him and know that he is a reliable T. On the other hand I appreciate that he does have real feelings and is really invested on what I'm telling him and the work that we do. If he were completely numb to it and just going through the motions, I wouldn't find that good either. So mixed feelings about it.

No and I think it would make me very uncomfortable.

[Ididitmyway]

I voted yes and "other". The last therapist teared up a few times in session when he responded to some of my personal material. I can't say it bothered me a lot, but it made me somewhat uncomfortable because I felt that he was expressing his own personal pain that was activated by my story rather than feeling mine. So, I kinda felt that his tears were more about him than me.

[Fuzzybear]

I haven’t experienced this...

[satsuma]

Originally Posted by MRT6211

What happened to me is that my T cried because I told whe that I didn’t think our therapy was helping me (objectively, it was not, it ended up with 4 hospitalizations and a serious attempt on my life, even though before I saw her I was never hospitalized, and I never have been after I stopped seeing her, either). She said it was deeply upsetting to her to hear that and her voice cracked and tears started streaming down her face and she had to get tissues for herself. She apologized but then I just sat there staring at the ground and repeating “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Over and over again. Although, I did mean in...I just felt like I broke my therapist. It made me feel even more awful about myself. It was incredibly damaging. That whole therapy relationship was toxic, though.

MRT, this sounds like a horrible experience. What is striking is that your T cried over something to do with her (the possible implication that she wasn't a good therapist, because the therapy wasn't working), whereas in the story I shared the tears in my T's eyes were tears of empathy - the thing I was speaking about had nothing to do with him personally.
I think in all cases if the T starts crying it could be de-stabilising because then the client ends up feeling they have to protect the T and censor themself, but especially in the way it happened with you, because then your T really was making it all about her, in your session. There's a good reason why Ts generally do their own therapy to work on their own stuff, and also go to supervision - so that their stuff doesn't come spilling out like that into a client's session.

[MRT6211]

Originally Posted by satsuma

MRT, this sounds like a horrible experience. What is striking is that your T cried over something to do with her (the possible implication that she wasn't a good therapist, because the therapy wasn't working), whereas in the story I shared the tears in my T's eyes were tears of empathy - the thing I was speaking about had nothing to do with him personally.
I think in all cases if the T starts crying it could be de-stabilising because then the client ends up feeling they have to protect the T and censor themself, but especially in the way it happened with you, because then your T really was making it all about her, in your session. There's a good reason why Ts generally do their own therapy to work on their own stuff, and also go to supervision - so that their stuff doesn't come spilling out like that into a client's session.

Yeah, the therapist I had after her told me that the T that cried let her stuff get in the way of my therapy. I think that’s definitely true. For months I kept asking her if she was the BEST person to help me, and if not, to let me go/refer me elsewhere, and she insisted she was. She most certainly wasn’t. She was just so emotionally invested in our therapy, I think. Too invested. She should’ve let me go. But oh well, the damage has been done. I’ve done a lot of work with other Ts on forgiving her. Not for her, but for me.