How do you cope with the fact that therapy is fake?

My T cut me a pretty big break on fees when I got laid off. It was a temporary situation, of course. But it isn't always true that Ts just vanish if they're not getting paid.

Why....

(((((Fuzzybear)))))

I think the point is-

A client may be more invested in the therapist than the therapist is invested in the client. That's how I took Bill3's post rather than the idea that people expecting a therapist to not be paid.

And some people are simply stating or reinforcing this concept.

We have a bit of a different situation in the UK but it often means that we don’t get to have therapy for a long period of time (long waiting lists, limited amount of sessions). For me it’s more like, when time runs out the therapists just go, even if you really need more time unfortunately it isn’t an option

The issue to me is to what extent you are being sold performance and artifice as something authentic and transcendent.

Personally I don't buy into the idea of healing relational wounds with a relationship that is even a little bit fake. And I found therapy relationships to be more fake than most. So, yea, screw that. The way I coped was to stop going.

Therapists should be held to higher standards, instead they are regarded as saints just because they throw out a few self-disclosures in between hours and hours of being inscrutable and secretive.

I was watching The Voice recently and the coaches there were discussing the emotionality produced by the singer, that the experience of a song resonating is not just the notes or the perfection of a voice but the emotional storytelling that the singer produces. Sometimes they give the advice to think about a particular person (unrequited love a common theme) when singing a song that is intended to evoke a particular emotional experience. It reminds me of watching a movie and being engrossed in the story and getting something out of the storytelling, whether it is fiction or a "true story."

In many ways, therapy is about my storytelling, and the way that my T accompanies me as I tell it. Whether it resonates with him or whether he is "faking" resonance in particular ways doesn't matter to me, just like I can feel the emotionality in a song whether the singer has genuine emotion, same with a movie. I still benefit when there is resonance, when it feels to me that I have been understood and accepted, that I don't question whether it is genuine (and that seems like a waste of time in therapy). So what if it's not, my subjective perception is what matters to me.

I change therapist quite frequently. I never seem to get the answers I need. So I would agree that therapy is a lie.

The therapists I saw did very little to earn trust or demonstrate authenticity. Mostly they gawked at me like creepy voyeurs and spat out canned responses. The authenticity was all on my side. The doubts are justified. It's a paid performance.

I just remind myself they are human, so not perfect and they are working, so doing what they trained to do.

Yes they can care and such but it's all limited. It's frustrating but it's really no different than any other person.... most people I've ever met are very fake. I guess I'm just used to that

I don't understand the angst over whether the therapist is genuine or real or whatever. The therapist is a tool the client can use. Not the only tool, but one sort.
If the therapist seems sincere to you and you want sincerity, go with it.

It reminds me of this from Bull Durham:
Crash Davis: I told him that a player on a streak has to respect the streak.
Annie Savoy: Oh fine.
Crash Davis: You know why? Because they don't - -they don't happen very often.
Annie Savoy: Right.
Crash Davis: If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid, or because you're not getting laid, or because you wear women's underwear, then you are! And you should know that!

I think most of peope don’t want to open up and get emotional in front of someone who will judge them negatively or will reject them. In which case they are better off talking to people in their real lives or anonymous strangers at the food store and save the $.

I asked my T very early on if he would lie to a patient, including if he thought it would be in their best interests.
He thought about it for a minute and said that he couldn't think of a situation in which he would do so.
I believed him.

He's brought it up a few times since then when he was trying to reassure me about something. I've brought it up when asking him questions too. And I still believe him.

My T doesn't lie to me. If she lied, she would have told me she loves me, or dodged the question. Instead she told me that she doesn't love me. It hurt, but I appreciate the truth over a lie. And that is the basis of our relationship: honesty. We don't lie to each other. I have so many other examples of truth, that I do believe she's always being honesty.