bad timing, T. i need you NOW.

today was one of the worst days ever. i had a huge falling out with my best friend in the entire world, well, ex best friend. and she was pretty much my only friend around here, because all my other friends are away at college. i'm alone. i have no one. i emailed T my conversation with my friend, we were cursing and fighting and such. i hope she doesn't get offended..... anyway, i was supposed to see her tomorrow. that was seriously the only thing getting me through today, that i was going to see her tomorrow for the first time in 2 weeks, because she was away all last week. She called me tonight, not too long ago. when i saw her name on the caller ID everything melted away, and all my sadness that i had been dying to express to her turned into relief that i was about to hear her voice. it was then that she told me she would have to reschedule tomorrow, because her company volunteered her for some thing at the time of our session. it isn't her fault, but my god what horrible timing! when i had her on the phone i tried to get everything out in the few minutes we spoke. it came out jumbled and seemed less horrible than it feels. the moment we hung up i started bawling my eyes out. i don't know why. probably a combination between me not being able to get the comfort i needed and also having to wait 2 extra days to see her. like i said i know its not her fault, but i just wish she knew what i'm going through now. should i email her and tell her how it made me feel? should i just wait until session? i can't make it all the way to wednesday, i really can't. i need her now. why couldn't i start crying on the phone with her, then maybe she would hear me out more, or be more concerned. but i couldn't. and i acted very Okay about her having to reschedule, but i really wasn't. i wanted to scream NOOO YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!! help me please, what do i do.

Can your journal about this? I know that sounds lame, but it does help. I think we protect ourselfs from being to vunrable when we're already feeling vuranble so we shut down with T,being vunrable with them too at times seems just to much. You will make it to wednesday, even if you dont feel you will.

(((((((((hugs)))))))) I'm so sorry this is happening. is it possible to call and see if she has an earlier appointment? Maybe you can say this is really bothering you and you would like to talk earlier if possible. If not, maybe you can ask if she could do 5 minutes on the phone if possible and you could journal before hand to help yourself get everything out. Stay safe.

Ugh that SUCKS. Two extra days can feel like an eternity. Just keep writing-- write down everything you are feeling so that way your T won't miss a beat-- she'll know everything that was going on with you.

Oh, I hope you and your friend can make it up. I hate battling with good friends.

Why don't you write a "letter" to your friend and tell her what you're going through? Wouldn't have to send it or anything. Maybe that will give you a different perspective or straighten out some of the turmoiled feelings, etc. so they're more bearable.