[Cyran0]

So I had my first therapy session today and though I desperately wanted to like this therapist and get to work, I didn't. She seemed to dismiss stuff I was very concerned about, focused on stuff that didn't mean much to me, didn't seem to grasp a general picture of who I am, and I didn't feel very comfortable talking to her.

Oh, and this really threw me, she pulled out the DSM-IV right there and started listing off what I needed to be experiencing to have PTSD. "You need three of these symptoms," and reads list. "You need two of these," and reads list. Suddenly I felt like I was being quizzed. I felt like I should ring a buzzer and yell, "Oh, I know that one! I feel disconnected from people and flash back to childhood emotional states when triggered!...Did I pass?"

It made me feel like a fraud despite getting my same old diagnosis.

The whole thing freaked me out.

So an etiquette question. If I'm going to drop her, is it bad form to try another therapist in the same office? I mean, I'll have to see her in the waiting room and that sounds uncomfortable. Problem is, this clinic works well with my insurance company.

I feel so disappointed.

Cyran0

[Perna]

I don't know that there's an etiquette question seeing someone else in the same office; I'd just be mortally uncomfortable doing so right away :-)

I think I would have had to jump up and act all anxious and paranoid or something and yell, "You mean you don't know this stuff?! You mean I have to decide whether or not I have the correct symptoms?" and whipped out my bulb of garlic or something to ward her off.

That sounds/is very disappointing though :-( Definately sounds like she wasn't too comfortable with just being a person, herself, like she was trying to "impress" you or something. Don't know what I'd do.

Did you have a couple more people to interview that aren't in her office? I'd maybe come back to that office "last" if you have any others that aren't in that office that might work to interview first.

[Cyran0]

Sure, there's other offices I can try. But damn, this clinic is so conveniently located. There's plenty of parking. There's nearby shopping and good schools.

Oh, wait. That was my criteria for a house.

I just feel so deflated. I mean, I know the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, if she didn't know it she could have just asked me.

The real problem is that I'm a smart guy. I need someone smarter than me. I want the House MD of therapists. I need someone who is going to see more than just the obvious surface stuff because I'm already aware of all that. If all you have to offer is "you'll feel less depressed if you take up yoga," I can't use you. Yoga is not a revelation. Well, maybe it is if you do it right but that's beside the point.

GRRRRRRRRRR!

Cyran0

[Perna]

And it's not like you really care that you are PTSD or DSTP or what; you just want to feel better! They can call it whatever makes them happy as long as they help you in a way that makes you happy. That's the damn point!

I had an idiot for a therapist for a couple years but was too "ignorant" about therapy yet, hadn't had a "good" one before so didn't know there was a problem until he mentioned he hadn't seen that I had problems for over a YEAR after I started seeing him. I think he should have said something so I could have gone all obvious on him, don't you? Or maybe I wasn't running as many circles around him as I thought at the time, I just thought I was.

Hope the next person you interview knocks your socks off, Cyranaught. Where are you near in Minnesota? My maiden name is Savidge and Savidge Lake, just southwest of Minneapolis is named after my great great grandfather, near Cleveland, MN, where their farm was.

http://www.rootsweb.com/~nechurch/ME...ig0001.htm#ch3

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Cyran0 said:
She seemed to dismiss stuff I was very concerned about, focused on stuff that didn't mean much to me,

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Well, right there, it seems like she is really a poor listener, even without the overemphasis on diagnosis. I would be very put off by this T's behavior--focusing on diagnosis to the extent of ignoring the problems the client says are important. I hope you can find a T who is more responsive to your needs. If you feel comfortable with seeing another T in the same clinic, then give it a try. I probably wouldn't do it because I'd feel discomfort knowing the first T I didn't like was there, but if you are OK with it, that is what is important.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I need someone who is going to see more than just the obvious surface stuff because I'm already aware of all that. If all you have to offer is "you'll feel less depressed if you take up yoga," I can't use you. Yoga is not a revelation.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I can really relate to this. The "take up yoga" statement sounds like CBT, which is not a good fit for me and maybe not for you. If you think this is true of you, then it helps you eliminate a lot of potential therapists right off the bat and you won't have to spend time going to see them to check them out. I think one thing that really grabbed me about my current therapist (who is not CBT) was that on my very first visit to him, he put a lot of the pieces of my puzzle together and said something to me that was totally revelatory. I had previously been to see a CBT counselor for almost a year, and she knew my whole story, and never once got close to this insightful interpretation that the new T figured out in one hour. I do enjoy and benefit from being able to go under the surface with my T. I hope you can find that. For trauma, I have found EMDR to be useful. Best of luck to you. Hope you will keep posting here.

[ECHOES]

I would run from someone who even mentions the DSM.

Therapists understand that for therapy to work it must be a good fit between the therapist and the client. Seeing someone else in her group/office isn't an etiquette issue. You are looking for someone, 'interviewing' at this time, so speaking with several therapists is a part of that.

Good luck!

Hey. From the way you have described things I wouldn't have wanted to work with her either. I would have been about as impressed with her as you are.

> She seemed to dismiss stuff I was very concerned about, focused on stuff that didn't mean much to me, didn't seem to grasp a general picture of who I am, and I didn't feel very comfortable talking to her.

Sounds like you guys just didn't click at all.

> "You need three of these symptoms," and reads list. "You need two of these," and reads list. Suddenly I felt like I was being quizzed. I felt like I should ring a buzzer and yell, "Oh, I know that one!...

That would have done it for me too. Game over.

> If I'm going to drop her, is it bad form to try another therapist in the same office?

Not at all.

If you have arranged another session with her I'd give her a call to cancel and say 'I want to meet with a few more people and figure out who I get on best with, but I don't think we will be meeting again, thanks for your time'. If you don't have another session planned with her then it isn't any of her business and you don't owe her an explanation at all.

> The real problem is that I'm a smart guy. I need someone smarter than me. I want the House MD of therapists. I need someone who is going to see more than just the obvious surface stuff because I'm already aware of all that. If all you have to offer is "you'll feel less depressed if you take up yoga," I can't use you. Yoga is not a revelation. Well, maybe it is if you do it right but that's beside the point.

> GRRRRRRRRRR!

LOL you remind me of me!!!!!

I hear you on this.

Now... I'm with you 100% on not going back to this lady.
I'd suggest, however, that instead of it being a problem with smartness (or her lack thereof) one could view it as a problem of a lack of emotional attunement. I mean, there would have been various points in that interview where I would have looked a little taken aback and I'm sure that you would have similarly indicated your feeling misattuned. And instead of her noticing and indicating that she had noticed and her asking you what was going on for you she just kept blundering on.

So that speaks to a bad fit. And I wouldn't go back to someone who I was clearly so disconnected with.

I hope your next interview goes better.

:-)

[okiedokie]

Okie

[Cyran0]

sunrise. I'm not sure what EMDR is.

Thanks all of you for your support and insights. I will continue my search and hopefully post some good news in the near future.

Cyran0

cyran I'm so sorry you had this experience, imho you are entitled to do what you like, if you're not happy with the t you saw and want tostay in the same clinic than that is your perogative, but if it makes you uncomfortable it's defeating the object I suppose, I hope you find the T for you....good luck sweetie, keep us posted.

Jin xxxx

[Fuzzybear]

I'd run from any T who isn't
1. very smart
2. very kind, and of course empathy is essential

and from any T who mentions the DSM.

Sorry this happened, total bummer, and I can relate to much of it.

[Rio_]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Cyran0 said:
sunrise. I'm not sure what EMDR is.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hope you don't mind me answering...

EMDR stands for "eye movement desensitization and reprocessing" - Psychcentral can probably explain it better than I can. I had a few sessions while I was in therapy, and to be honest I don't think they were much help (that could have been partly my therapist, though - in the last EMDR session he told me "you're blocking something", but it was never discussed again ), but plenty of people have had positive experiences with it. You can read some reviews here .

Hope this helped!

[Cyran0]

Excellent. Thank you. I'm just not familiar with that therapeutic approach.

Cyran0

i agree with alex too. It'd be different i think if you had a long relationship... it'd still be up to you but it would be awkward for sure.

here's one tip i picked up while checking out T's...

* always let them know you are "shopping" - it releases you from feeling obligated to them
* tell them you'd also like to consider other T's in their clinic, if applicable, ask who else they might recommend

even if you had no intention of checking them out you do leave that door open by saying it.

in the meantime, something you could try that will help you understand what you are and are not looking for, and will help a new T, is if you write down the things about this appt that you didn't like, why and then how you felt about each. Be as detailed as possible.

i trusted my instincts with my T... how you relate to them is the biggest factor i think.

CyranO,
It took me awhile at first to get used to my new T. I've now been seeing him for over 2 years. Sometimes it's just the newness of the situation. However, If you really think it was more than that, I think you should have no problem seeing someone else in the same practice. T's understand that some personalities mesh and some don't.

Now, as to her reading out of the DSM-IV -- were you able to phone a friend or ask somebody in the audience? If not, I don't think the test was valid, LOL! -- That would have annoyed me, too.

Don't feel discouraged, it took me 5 therapists until I found the right one. Keep on pushing forward!

And try to keep yourself distracted in the meanwhile with, oh I don't know, a movie like Lord of the Rings? I know it's your favorite! ROFL

Take care!

[heyjoe]

whenever someone starts off asking me a lot of questions i say damn if i knew there was going to be a test i would have studied for it.

[Cyran0]

gerber, Sol, Joe, thanks for the encouragement. I have to admit, I haven't dealt with this yet. Monday. I'll deal with it on Monday.

And by deal with it I do mean get a new T. We just didn't click.

Cyran0

[MissCharlotte]

Cyrano,

Weighing in on CBT (Not for me either, tooooooo simplistic). On T's who mention DSM (What's the point, anyone can fit themselves into any criteria if they try hard enough...)
Who's not smarter than me (I really get this...you need an intellectual match so you can have some friction in the relationship, otherwise you won't be able to grow.)

Yeah, dump this T asap. BUT, please do ask what this T's approach is and if all T's at that particular clinic use the same approach. you might have to look outside of your house-hunting criteria (LOL) to find the right T for you!

On EMDR--I know it works for some. It was not an effective tool for me. T used it a couple of times, but it left me feelng very spacey and I tend to dissociate a lot as it is so we "just talk."

Good luck and peace.

[lauren_helene]

I am so sorry that she is so incompetent.

I'm going to hijack your thread for a minute. This subject infuriates me...

My family doctor pulled this on me last spring and he lost all credibility with me.

Brief history is that I have a well documented history of blood clots forming in my right leg since the age of 18 brought on initially by birth control pills.

As a precaution with my pregnancy, I needed to give myself daily shots of Lovenox for the whole pregnancy and six weeks after. He knows all of this but it was my OB who gave me the referral finally because he wouldn't. This was almost three years ago.

Fast forward to last spring went back to him because my leg was swelling and causing me pain again he wouldn't refer me to my hematologist and pulled out a medical book and showed me the steps involved to get to a vascular surgeon since my doppler reading didn't show a clot at the time. The ultrasound tech told me that the machine could be wrong and suggested a vascular surgeon to have a study done on my veins.

Well, I had to get angry with him and he finally referred me to the surgeon and guess what? Chronic venous insufficiency, a perforated valve in my right calf, and several of my veins in the deep system have significant reflux...

Actually though all of my past doctors missed this simple study with the vascular surgeon and probably because I always had an HMO for insurance I found out.

I could have developed leg ulcers with this diagnosis and my skin would've been peeling off. My vascular surgeon couldn't believe I had never had a study done with my presenting complaints. She apologized on behalf of all of those doctors I saw through the years. She said there may have been a surgical option for me but since the damage was in my deep system there isn't at this time.

So, I indefinitely have to wear compression socks/hose which at my age of 37 and living in hot Texas is quite embarrassing and difficult. She couldn't guarantee me that the leg ulcers wouldn't some day develop.

So, my message is this, any doctor who pulls out a manual for any reason...run don't walk away from them.

[Cyran0]

Wow Almeda, I'm really sorry that happened to you and I'm very glad you were able to get it adequately treated (though it sucks you had to get mad to get it to happen).

Hijack my thread anytime. I'm pretty sure this one had run it's course anyway.

Cyran0

[timeforsleep]

Cyrano don't feel it is in any way your fault. There is a handful of bad counselors out there. I have had about 7 different counselors. I went to low income counseling so most were Cal State psych students. Most were good but 2 of them were awful. I had one who on the first session within the first 5 minutes accusingly ask me if I beat my girlfriend. The session was pure hell and she seemed like she needed counseling more than I did. I apprehensively called and asked if I could have another counselor and they were totally cool about it. I encountered the counselor from hell a couple times in the waiting room subsequently, but she didn't say anything and I don't think she lasted very long.