[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I thought about somehow making this into a poll, but couldn't come up with a good structure. So I'll just post this normally.

Today at my Ts office, I noticed how other clients talk to their Ts (couldn't really make out what they were saying, but that's not important). They seemed to talk a lot, back and forth, like in a real conversation. Comparing this to my own experience, I wonder a few things:

1) how much do you talk compared to your T?

I'd say for me this is almost equal. Of the time we spend talking, it's about 50/50, though I usually feel my T has a much more elaborate way of speaking, knows how to pack a lot of information into a small set of words, while I try to explain much less in the same time.

2) How much time do you spend not talking at all?

From the people I could hear, I couldn't hear there ever being just silence. Or if so, just for a short while. In my sessions, there's usually times where we are silent for minutes at least. Usually those are filled with me crying and sobbing. It's not like there's just nothing going on, but there's no talking. I cry and try to feel my emotions as well as manage them. And T sits there with me and makes me feel like I'm not a complete nutcase for crying so much. I'd say for a random session about 40% of the time is spent not talking at all. There's sessions that are almost 100% talking, but most sessions are about 40% not talking, with some being even higher, somewhere in the 60s or so.

[Catlady321]

I talk a lot in my sessions, but I’m sort of weirdly uncomfortable with silence and I somehow feel the need to fill it. In terms of how much my T talks as opposed to me, it’s probably somewhere between 50/50, or maybe 60/40 to me.

I’m pretty new to therapy though, so I have no idea what’s normal (there probably isn’t a normal!).

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

I thought about somehow making this into a poll, but couldn't come up with a good structure. So I'll just post this normally.

Today at my Ts office, I noticed how other clients talk to their Ts (couldn't really make out what they were saying, but that's not important). They seemed to talk a lot, back and forth, like in a real conversation. Comparing this to my own experience, I wonder a few things:

1) how much do you talk compared to your T?

I'd say for me this is almost equal. Of the time we spend talking, it's about 50/50, though I usually feel my T has a much more elaborate way of speaking, knows how to pack a lot of information into a small set of words, while I try to explain much less in the same time.

2) How much time do you spend not talking at all?

From the people I could hear, I couldn't hear there ever being just silence. Or if so, just for a short while. In my sessions, there's usually times where we are silent for minutes at least. Usually those are filled with me crying and sobbing. It's not like there's just nothing going on, but there's no talking. I cry and try to feel my emotions as well as manage them. And T sits there with me and makes me feel like I'm not a complete nutcase for crying so much. I'd say for a random session about 40% of the time is spent not talking at all. There's sessions that are almost 100% talking, but most sessions are about 40% not talking, with some being even higher, somewhere in the 60s or so.

[Seelenna1982]

I don’t talk much in session at all. Sometimes it feels weird. I can start talking if T asks something meaningless but when it comes to thoughts/feelings/ or even worse, emotions! I’m like an awkward vault! It’s frustrating. I’m so unhelpfully skilled at working my way around topics to avoid them.
But I still try. Hopefully I’m learning.

[CharlieStarDust]

I’d say I talk 90 percent of the time. The only time I’m silent is when she’s reading my stuff.
We have conversations as well, where she’ll talk more, but for me, I need to process out loud and in the presence of someone, so I don’t really need her to talk too much. And if I’m looking for feedback, I let her know, and she talks more.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'd say we split talking about 50/50--my T can talk quite a bit! But then, I tend to talk fast (T talks more slowly), and I talk a lot when I'm anxious, so I likely get more actual words in. As for silence? Unless, say, one of us is trying to think of a word or an example, there's probably talking going on 99% of the time. Possible brief silences if, say, I'm blowing my nose from crying, but that's about it. And it's been that way with all my T's--with the exception of a few times when I've been upset with them and struggling with what to say, if there's silence, either I'm going to fill it or the T will.

[SlumberKitty]

I think with my former T, the talking was probably 70% her and 30% me. We were okay with silence. There was probably 7 to 10 minutes out of 60 that was silence. Some of that was changing topics, or me trying to figure out how to explain something, or due to my dissociation.

I'm not good at guessing percentages but my sessions are generally very conversational. Although there are of course times when we don't talk like if she's drumming for me or when I do a sand tray or when we both go deep in thought about something, or I'll be like I don't know what I'm supposed to say and she just let's me think.

[dlantern]

I'd base it on my life, what is more important for what I have happening. Do I really need to hear from someone with compassion? Or do I need to be more sociable for the things, like I said I have going on in my life. Personally, a journey about 7 yrs in I make sure that I get to what I have to say alot of times it is about being a saleman. I have to make sure that I'm assertive since my alters like to practices a form of non socializing. Getting to the point of what is there is how I gauge what is needed for the long run. Basically though the curiousness wears off about someone and things you learn in waiting room with time and study.

[LonesomeTonight]

Perhaps I'll totally weird my T out tomorrow and time it. (Not really!)

I struggle to talk.
T isn't a talker. I don't think she's a talker in her outside world.
Some sessions I talk more than others.
Some sessions T will talk a bit more if she feels I need that.

[ScarletPimpernel]

It's about 50/50 for us, and there's usually no silence. I hate silence and my T knows this, so we always find something to talk about. And if for some reason we do run out of things to talk about, it means that the next session will be pushed back at least a week.

[LabRat27]

I probably do like 70-80% of the talking. I overthink things and I'm always trying to put them into words to explain.
There's been more silence lately though. Like he'll ask me a question that I don't want to answer and I'll leave long pauses as I'm trying to figure out what I'm willing to say or what I can bring myself to say.
And I've been leaving silence after my answers more often instead of continuing on the topic because it's hard for me to talk about, so he's had to ask more questions.
I sometimes wish he would ask more questions about certain topics, because volunteering information makes me feel even more ashamed. I won't lie to him, but I will omit stuff, so there are things I could only really tell him if he asked, especially if he asked me to confirm or deny things that I can't really bring myself to say.
Or that he'd talk more so I'd know more about what he was thinking. I always fear the worst. He tends to not really tell me what he thinks unless I explicitly ask though. It's mostly him trying to get me to question how I think and feel, not him telling me his perspective. Sometimes I wish there was more reassurance.

[mcl6136]

I filibuster like a senator from the Deep South.

[InkyBooky]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I filibuster like a senator from the Deep South.

Perfection. This just made my night.

not enough according to my T

[piggy momma]

I don't talk very much. He usually lectures at me and I just sit there. And then our hour is up.

[Carmina]

Neither of us talk that much, usually I am painting or curled up in a corner sobbing.

With first T, ~80-90% me.
With second T, ~50-70% me (depending on topic and session) - I preferred this more interactive style.

There was little silence in my therapy. I am a quiet person in everyday life but am also very verbal if I do want to speak; would not see the point in paying for talk therapy and just sitting there mute. Sometimes a few seconds when we were thinking about how to express something. First T sometimes annoyed me a bit because he was often a little slow.

[MRT6211]

It honestly depends on the session for me/depends on how I’m feeling. Sometimes I’m very talkative and talk nearly the whole time, usually when I’m feeling good, other times I shut down completely, and T will talk a lot more than me and mostly I’ll nod or use my body language to communicate with her in some way.

I had one T who like NEVER talked and it bothered me SO much. But, she’s the one that made it so I learned how to communicate in body language...

[Seelenna1982]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

I don't talk very much. He usually lectures at me and I just sit there. And then our hour is up.

That doesn’t sound very theraputic at all!

[velcro003]

i don't talk that much, though it depends on the topic and session. last session with a difficult topic was her 75-80%, me the rest. on good days, i'd say it would be 60-40, with T still talking more.

[WishfulThinker66]

I am uncomfortable with silence so talk a lot. I feel a need to explain and justify what is going on in my life so I talk at length.

[Anne2.0]

I do most of the talking but T is good at following my suggestion to not let silence go on too long.

[Everyday12]

T talks more because I have trouble.I usually have two word answers or shrugs.. some times she jokes about my excellent communication skills..its okay

[Fuzzybear]

I don’t talk much