[justbreathe1994]

I want to ask my T about her boundaries and tell her that after my last two long term therapists, I really need a T with clear and solid boundaries. I need a T who is not going to let her own stuff get in the way of my therapy. I want to tell her about what my last T said in regards to growing enmeshed with maternal figures throughout my life (therapists, teachers, mentors etc), about how she said - “I wonder if you just have that affect on people.” I’m scared though the topic of her boundaries is too personal to talk/ask about and she will feel uncomfortable and see working with me as having a bunch of red flags. Anyone have advice or thoughts about what I should do, say, or how to bring it up?

[Seelenna1982]

I don’t think asking her to share her clear boundaries with you is too personal. I followed your story for a while and I think this conversation with your new T could be very healthy. It’s acrually your right to know what her boundaries are. Just as you share personal vulnerable info with her, it’s her responsibility to let you know exactly what her boundaries are. That’s healthy for everyone! You could even share your own boundaries. I shared one with my T, I don’t like any kind of physical contact and if I’m going to be asked to do something new, I need to be told in advance. I feel better knowing she knows that, then it doesn’t have to come up when it’s too late!

[ArtleyWilkins]

Just share what you've written.

Remember though, that you have your own boundaries. Boundaries are about ourselves, about staying safe and comfortable in our environment and in our relationships. We have the right (and should) know what our own boundaries are and if we are uncomfortable and feel that a boundary of our is being impacted in some way, it is our own responsibility to maintain that boundary.

It sounds like perhaps what you are needing here, actually, is to communicate YOUR boundaries about your own therapy. Do you know what they are? Maybe that's a way to frame this. "Here are my boundaries of comfort and safety concerning therapy. I need to communicate them to you and perhaps explain why they are important to me. In turn, can you (the therapist) respect my boundaries so that we can maintain a productive and focused therapy environment?" That might be a way to get started. Now, be prepared that if the therapist detects something awry with your boundaries, they'll probably want to discuss that. For instance, sometimes we set boundaries that are too inflexible or too open; we don't necessarily start off knowing how to set healthy boundaries. But that would be important discussion to have.