[*Laurie*]

Have you ever told your therapist a lie? If so, what was the reason for telling the lie?

[DP_2017]

Early on I did, and I felt TERRIBLE about it, I couldn't stop mentally obsessing over it and when I saw him next I said "I'm so sorry but I lied to you last time" and then clarified what the truth about something really was

I lied in a moment of panic, he asked me a question about touch related stuff and male VS female and I was terrified to answer male and have him assume things so I lied and said female.

Since then, no, I haven't. However I often wonder how much truth he shares with me.

[piggy momma]

Yes. But I came clean after and told him the truth via text. I was just worried about how he would react. Now when he asks me something I want to lie about, I respond with "do you want the truth or what I want to say" and that kind of helps me out. I couldn't imagine lying to him now. We are trying to establish mutual trust.

[velcro003]

yes, and i probably will never tell her the truth.

[rebeka]

Sure!
I lie about my feelings when their to hard to express.

[stopdog]

No. I had no reason to lie to the woman. She did not count in my life.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I try really hard not to lie. Not even small lies. But I have told T lies. Usually the next day I tell her the truth. And when she greets me, I usually say something sarcastic.

[*Laurie*]

Thank you all for such intriguing answers. I'm sorry that a couple of you have had such rotten experiences with therapists. I've certainly had my share, and it's messed up, alright.

I don't recall ever having lied to a therapist; on the contrary, I go the extra mile to be as truthful as possible. But right now she and I have been discussing a situation about a former romantic relationship...there's something I think I'm going to lie about. It's about a pregnancy that happened long ago. Very, very sadly it didn't work out, in terms of loss. At the time, I wasn't sure which man, of two, was the father. I am not comfortable with going into that whole situation with my therapist. I'm feeling like a simple "I'm sure the father was" so-and-so would simplify things.

[winterblues17]

No i dont lie but I do play down feelings sometimes, I will say I'm feeling fine when I'm clearly not. Although this only last a few minutes then I'm able to say actually I don't feel good.

[MRT6211]

Originally Posted by winterblues17

No i dont lie but I do play down feelings sometimes, I will say I'm feeling fine when I'm clearly not. Although this only last a few minutes then I'm able to say actually I don't feel good.

I was about to write something very similar to this. I never purposefully lie, but I do often downplay emotions or tell her I’m okay when I’m not. I keep doing this thing where I’m very upset, but I play it off like everything is totally cool and then when I get to my car, I start crying my eyes out. But, I do tell T about that later. I’ll also downplay things in my past when she points out that it must’ve been hard, I pretend like it’s not a big deal.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Only once, early on. He asked me whether I'd call if I was struggling. I said yes, while in reality I had already made up my mind to try to commit suicide. I didn't believe he could handle it or help me the way I needed. So I decided not to tell him.

Yup. Possibly more than once.

[healinginprogress]

I would lie by ommission early on. Now I'm more comfortable expressing that I don't want to talk about something at this time. Even if it's a yes or no question.

I lied about my alcohol relapses (hid it) sometimes. Not just with Ts but everyone. Also things that were affected by my addiction. Reason? By the time I was aware of the addiction, I wanted it to go away so badly but I could not make it happen for a long time. I lived in a state of perpetual and very painful cognitive dissonance.

[Anne2.0]

I lied about who my childhood abuser was and who committed a sexual attack against me when I was in college. My T has never been one to finger wag about honesty or whatever. He does say that you shouldn't lie to your physician, your lawyer, and yourself, recognizing that people often lie to their T's.

[*Laurie*]

Some of your comments are heart-wrenching. I so appreciate everyone sharing.

I had no idea that lying to therapists is as common as it is. Makes me wonder...do therapists internally consider that just about everything a client says might possibly be a lie?

[SlumberKitty]

Sure. Sometimes things are just hard to say so it's easier to not say them. Kit.

[winterblues17]

Originally Posted by MRT6211

I was about to write something very similar to this. I never purposefully lie, but I do often downplay emotions or tell her I’m okay when I’m not. I keep doing this thing where I’m very upset, but I play it off like everything is totally cool and then when I get to my car, I start crying my eyes out. But, I do tell T about that later. I’ll also downplay things in my past when she points out that it must’ve been hard, I pretend like it’s not a big deal.

That sounds exactly like me. I wonder why I do it a lot, and I tell myself that I won't do it the next session, but then I just do!

[piggy momma]

My T asked me at my last session if I would tell him if I was going to hurt myself. I said "probably". He wasn't very happy with that answer.

In reality, he's the first person I would want to talk to about it. But I'm also scared that if I tell him that I want to hurt myself he'll drop me. So I answered "probably" to be safe. Sometimes I just don't know what the right answer is with him.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

My T asked me at my last session if I would tell him if I was going to hurt myself. I said "probably". He wasn't very happy with that answer.

In reality, he's the first person I would want to talk to about it. But I'm also scared that if I tell him that I want to hurt myself he'll drop me. So I answered "probably" to be safe. Sometimes I just don't know what the right answer is with him.

That's how I am to. I usually won't come right out and say "yes". Kit

[annielovesbacon]

I often lie by omission, which I feel like is OK in therapy -- we can say what we want when we feel ready, or keep it to ourselves, which is our choice.

the only bold-faced lie I've told... (self harm tw)

Possible trigger:

was when I cut myself and she noticed and asked if it was self harm. I told her no and we moved on. Self harm was a problem for me many years ago but now I relapse maybe once a year, if that. I don't want to talk about it with her, and unless I ever lose control, which I don't think I will, I don't plan on telling her.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Thank you all for such intriguing answers. I'm sorry that a couple of you have had such rotten experiences with therapists. I've certainly had my share, and it's messed up, alright.

I don't recall ever having lied to a therapist; on the contrary, I go the extra mile to be as truthful as possible. But right now she and I have been discussing a situation about a former romantic relationship...there's something I think I'm going to lie about. It's about a pregnancy that happened long ago. Very, very sadly it didn't work out, in terms of loss. At the time, I wasn't sure which man, of two, was the father. I am not comfortable with going into that whole situation with my therapist. I'm feeling like a simple "I'm sure the father was" so-and-so would simplify things.

What, specifically, feels uncomfortable? Do you worry that you’ll be judged? Has your T given you other indications that they are judgemental? Or is it more that you feel deeply uncomfortable or ashamed with this piece of your story? Many of us carry an inner voice of self-recrimination and judgment from our families of origin or other elements of our upbringings. We tend to further assume that this harsh inner voice is actually congruent with everyone else’s value system too and is the lens through which they see us. So... lots of shame.

Unless you actually feel fine about this pregnancy (which I doubt or you wouldn’t have started this thread) or you have good reason to believe that your therapist will handle this poorly or be judgemental based on your past experience of them, I would encourage you to try not to lie about it.

Maybe go in and tell them that there is a thing that you’re sorely tempted to lie about and talk about just that for a session. Talk about your fears of what might happen if you say the the truth, talk about who you want to be and how you want to be seen. Talk about your experiences of having made mistakes and been caught in the past and your attitudes toward others who have made mistakes. To what extent was s*lut-shaming a thing in your family or where you grew up and how much do you still buy into it?

I don’t think it’s morally wrong to lie to your therapist here. I just think it’s a missed opportunity to work through something important and emerge feeling better about yourself and about that piece of your history. I mean... so long ago, you slept with two people around the same time, is that so incredibly unforgivably terrible that it can’t be spoken?