Why so long in therapy?

Think about it this way: do you know people who have been in NO therapy at all for 5, 10 or 20 years and have been persistently dysfunctional that entire time? Now imagine if they HAD been in therapy, say for 5-10 years and had become moderately to considerably less dysfunctional. How would that look?

I’m thinking about aspects of life that may be hard to measure, especially in studies looking at “evidence-based” treatments. Things like healthier attachments to children and better parenting, fewer sick days and fewer admissions to hospital, healthier relationships with food, alcohol and drugs, better financial choices etc.

We often judge people who are in long-term therapy in saying some version of “they’re still neurotic.” Well duh. That’s why it’s part of their long term self-care plan. If you’re predisposed toward depression, anxiety or other mental illness and therapy is part of what keeps you working, caring for your family, getting up each day, out of hospital or what have you... then it’s a successful strategy! If you’re predisposed toward being overweight, you will probably need regular exercise forever in order to stay at a lower weight. Having done some training five years ago won’t cut it.

Agreed, I think of therapy in much the same way. Mental health has to be maintained just like physical health. Some people are naturally fit or they grow up learning good practices. Others need to work on it later in life, and changing things for good takes time.

Favorite jeans. Never thought of it that way. Thank you.

Agree with a lot of what’s been said here.

If there’s progress or maintenance, have at it as long as it helps.

My only ‘watch out’ would be if you’re losing years of your life to trauma work, grieving, longing, etc. Sometimes a course change may be needed, whatever that needs to look like for each person.

I have been in therapy since 2001 with 2 year break. For me going to therapy is self care and it helps me to cope with life. I need the support and i do not feel im addicted to therapy or overly dependant.

If it feels unhealthy, that says it all. Maybe get out now if you can. Therapy messed me up pretty good and I wasn't even in for very long. Glad to have escaped when I did.

It's not a choice between being sentenced to years/decades of therapy, or being hopelessly depressed or lost. That's the standard false dichotomy. Therapy is an artificial and commercial construct and relatively recent addition to human experience. It's not compulsory. I've had my share of miseries but none of it requires therapy in order to correctly process or cope with it.

I suspect many therapists are addicted to their clients, and that fuels the interminable therapy phenomenon.

I have DID. we have at least 30 inside alters. each of them has their own big issues and problems to work though. thats taking a long time. there is always a very long line of us waiting for our turn to talk to our T.

I've been in therapy for over 3 years. And I expect to be in therapy for at least a few more. My issues stem from both big and little traumas and are greatly intertwined. Therapy is a process that's different for everyone.

I've been in therapy for a year and don't plan to end anytime soon. My issues are related to negative self-image, hurtful relationships, and negative coping mechanisms that started when I was very young so I don't think a lifetime of s*it can be corrected in a few sessions. I also appreciate the support T offers through current s*itstorms and find checking in with him once a week extremely stabilising and comforting. There's also the issue of transference...I see him as a father figure and don't want to give him up because he's the closest thing to a dad I ever had and ever will have. Finally, I am immensely interested in psychology and I find that being in therapy helps me learn a lot about me as a person (and grow as a person too!).

I don't know if I'm addicted to therapy per se...perhaps I am. But because of the above reasons, I don't necessarily think that my addiction to therapy is unhealthy. I do function outside sessions and although I do miss him between appointments, he doesn't occupy my thoughts at all times.

I had been in therapy for ~2 years total in 2015-2017, with two Ts, a couple months break between them and juggling the two for a while in the end. When I first started it, my primary motivation was curiosity and I was also experimenting with a bunch of new self-care approaches, wanted to see if therapy would be useful. I enjoyed a lot of it but it was only marginally useful for me while it lasted and actually turned into a distraction that got in the way of real self-improvement, so I stopped. I've gotten a bit more out of it later in different ways, just processing my experiences on my own and via using this forum. I don't regret that I tried therapy at all but I mostly figured it is not truly for me and the types of things I would want help with - they are mostly discipline issues that I know very well the sources of and really, these are areas where only constructive action/change will help, talking on its own does nothing and can make it even worse (as I said, adding to the distraction and avoidance by analysis paralysis). Peer support groups actually tend to help me much more than therapy, and they are free, so I choose those now. My main ~life-long emotional challenge is also anxiety, and for me it does not benefit much from dissecting endlessly, much more helpful to learn to tolerate it and balance it with positive, often physical self-care strategies - I can do these myself in everyday life. The biggest ordeal for me in the past was addiction but I did not find therapy useful for that at all, more the opposite as it tended to keep me preoccupied with things that had no benefits on my life whatsoever.

I have the impression that most people who remain in therapy for the long run (years, decades) are often those who want to work on relational issues, traumas or just like to keep a T for extra support for whatever stresses life brings. For me, what tends to cause blocks in my life is mainly practical things and the avoidance of those, so focusing on practical solutions and direct action works best, I quite easily find the type and amount of emotional support that I need in everyday life.

When trying to decide whether or not it's worth staying in therapy longer, I personally would ask myself honestly how useful it is. What does it provide that life in general does not provide. If it's even only just extra balance and feeling more grounded and secure, and one can afford it long-term, I think it's a good idea. One strategy, other than regular T sessions, can also be just going as needed occasionally if there is something specific to discuss.

I've been working with my therapist for 8 years

Many years, many traumas, many layers.

I've been with my current T over a year seeing him 2x a week.
Was with a different T 2-3x a week for nearly 3 years before this one.
I do not have an end in sight at the moment, but I know it will come someday.
I'll know when I'm ready; I believe that.

Yep. Of course therapists will say that anything can be "worked through". It's typical therapy jargon to say "I will keep you in therapy for as long as I need it and when I no longer get anything out of it, you're out". Nobody has ever been able to explain what "working through" means in unambiguous terms. Even if something (what? no one knows) is achieved I don't consider spending 5, 10, 15 years in therapy to be worth it. There are other ways to feel better. I also completely agree with the list PurpleMirrors wrote. The longest I was in therapy was two and a half years. It didn't accomplish anything except one occasional insight here and there. Mostly it was pointless painful nonsense. NOT worth it at all. But it did fulfill my therapist's ego and sense of purpose so in that way it was worth it, not for me the client though

I've been seeing my current therapist for about 2 years, and I hope to continue seeing him for years more. And at the same time, part of me also feels like I should be done or nearing done already--but realistically I know that getting to the bottom of the things I'm working on in therapy is long, difficult work. We've touched on important things in the past 6 months of therapy that were never on my radar before, issues I'm nowhere near done addressing, and I expect there's more where that came from. Healing and self-discovery take time.

I also had a successful 4 year stint in therapy some years back that made a huge difference in my life, and my major regret about it is that it ended too soon.

I'd guess one reason people are in therapy for so long: therapy is sold as a cure for underlying causes of mental and emotional distress, but there are many causes that are (a) completely out of reach to someone whose only intervention is talking and (b) simply not part of mainstream conversations about psych issues.

For example... sleep disorders are rampant in modern populations. Spend years without deep restful sleep and you will likely become "mentally ill" and generally very low functioning. Also, the proliferation of wireless technology in our environment appears to be having profound effects on biological organisms, including neuro-psych problems.

Most therapists likely have no clue about how such issues might manifest, and will insist, as all specialists do, on their particular way of seeing things, and keep the customer coming back for years, because these things take time.

Also over the long haul seems what many therapists do better than anything else is... create new problems. And those problems have to be "worked through". But they are spun as nothing more than manifestations of earlier problems... even though seemingly many long term clients speak loudly about the wounds inflicted BY THERAPY. Have read many accounts, and I experienced it too, where someone goes to a new therapist and what dominates the proceedings is what happened with the last therapist. Snowball effect and job security for therapists.

I tried therapy for years on and off and never found it that helpful. When my meds are working, I don't need therapy. And when they aren't working, no amount of therapy will help. Now I just see a psychiatrist and go to a depression support group. I like it much better than therapy, and it's free.

I did take about a year off. And when I’m in therapy I can’t imagine leaving. When I’m not in therapy, I wonder why I ever went haha.

If I had the money, I would gladly choose the best T around, and go there regularly. It does me so good to get someone elses eyes and perspective on me/my life. I need that toget honest, curious and nonjudging human beeing.
But i will NOT use any of my time on T that doesn’t bring me forward, bring me some change.