Twice a Week for Attachment?

If you grow attached to your therapist, would you see it as healthy to go twice a week simply because you missed them so much and the missing them made symptoms worse? I saw my last T twice a week but I’d get so triggered by her and/or miss her so much that twice a week *seemed* to help me with that and manage everything throughout the week. I really don’t want to start out twice a week with new T and don’t even feel like I’d really need that, but I’m just curious - do you think seeing last T (I starting to not like the term “ex-T”) twice a week for the reasons listed was a good idea?

Nope. While my brief time at 2x a week was helpful in lessening anxiety over other issues, attachment was worse.

I sometimes hate my t forced me to weekly now but it's also been a blessing for me. The attachment is strong but now more manageable. I'm not as bad off as when I did 2x a week

I have a completely different experience. I go 4 times per week and first couple of years it seemed that even that is not enough. Often I could barely wait the next morning and weekends were very difficult.

However, now, few years later this four times per week is just my daily routine. I'm of course attached to my T and that is something that allows us to the work I need to do but the obsessional component is long gone.

I still don't like to miss a session because I don't see any point in that because I have to pay anyway but it's not because I would terribly miss my T. Nowadays I typically don't even think about him on weekends. Sure, sometimes he crosses my mind but not because I would be obsessed.

So, based on my experience, it is possible to come through and grow out of the obsession-like attachment. However, I believe it is easier and takes less time when the sessions are more frequent.

I hesitate to make broad statements about the thing - certainly my opinion doesn't change the fact that other people have found 2x a week useful, but I personally find it suspect. I think for me it would feed into obsession and attachment, make me less able to "sit with" discomfort or find a solution on my own, and feed my self-focus when what I really need is to get out of my own head.

To a certain extent, I found weekly therapy (beyond a period of difficulty) did this. I imagine it would have been ten times worse if I'd been going more often.

I have gone 2x a week in a crisis but usually it is a one-off week not ongoing. When I was a teen in crisis I went 3x a week and that never felt like enough. I am not one to judge going often but I just feel like it makes attachment feelings feel amped up.

I think it would be a bad idea to increase the frequency of sessions for that reason, and I think it would be unethical for a therapist to agree to that, given that they'd be profiting from a client's attachment to them.

I think more than one a week for me would be terrible for attachment purposes! In a crisis for a couple of weeks maybe for other reasons but I completely agree with Lucozader that for the reason of attachment is not ethical in the sense the T is profiting out of clients attachment issues.

No I wouldnt because it just exacerbates some unhealthy.

It's up to you, how often you should go there are no set rule on how often a person should go. Every one is different. My old pyschiatrist offered to see me twice a week, it was good. I did not become overly attach to her. My pyschologist will only see me more if im in a crises and thats only short term. Hugs

I go twice a week and I guess I feel a bit more attached but not in an unhealthy way. But it's probably just a question of your attachment style in general.

Going more frequently will more than likely just feed the attachment and dependency. Is there an Al Anon group or co-dependency group you could attend? Detachment is what they promote. Kind of helps one put things into perspective. It did for me anyway.

AllHeart

Yes, that's why my t limits 2x a week to a few weeks. He says it typically promotes dependency going more often regularly. There's probably few exceptions out there but I'd tend to agree with him. I'd be a mess if I was still at 2x a week.

I go 3x a week at the moment and it's been crucial in allowing me to open up and trust and really get therapy going.

I'm attached, eg we are planning how to contain over her Christmas 3 week break, but not obsessional so e.g. I don't think of her the days I don't see her even if I'm thinking of therapy type things. If there is any transference it tends to be negative.

Eta: to answer the original query I don't think it's a good idea to go more often just because one misses ones t but I don't necessarily agree that more than 1x a week promotes dependency- think it depends on the individual, their therapist, how critical their situation is., plus whether one is working through the negative effects of attachment or just indulging it.

I only went to therapy every week to 10 days (not a set day). However, there were times when I was in crisis when I went several times a week during that week or so until I stabilized.

While attachment wasn't my issue, coping with severe anxiety and depression was, and this kind of scheduling flexibility worked well. I could feel perfectly comfortable asking for extra contact and sessions when it was needed -- no judgment or problem whatsoever -- while most of the time I was using that time between sessions to practice self-care, managing on my own utilizing the skills we were working on. I think had I always gone several times a week, my ability to internalize and become self-sufficient in managing independently would have been slowed down because I would have always been relying on my therapist to help me through every small crisis -- seems like I would have had a harder time distinguishing the mountain from the molehill if I spent too much time with my therapist.

I think it depends so much on the client and the T. If someone is prone to attachment issues, they're going to get attached, whether they go twice a week (or more), once a week, or once a month.

I also go 3x week. I didn't start going at this frequency because of attachment to my therapist, but because I was needing some support for some things that were going on in my life. While I am attached to my therapist, that attachment is what I need to be able to go to some painful places in therapy.

Everyone is different though and has different needs and different therapists will have differing views on attachment and dependency. Mine, for example, is okay with me needing him. I assume that as I work through my issues, that dependency will naturally decrease. Another therapist, who subscribes to a different school of thought, might think any dependency on the therapist is unhealthy. This might be a really good conversation to have with your therapist. Ask her what her views on attachment are and get her to explain why she thinks that way.

Attachment is not necessarily a bad thing. Attachment issues can be resolved. Not that you'll become the Tiger Woods of attachment, golfing since you were a baby, but enough to enjoy the game, if that's what you choose to do.

I've talked about this with my T. She believes that if you need therapy more than once a week, then you need a higher level of care. I tend to agree. I also agree that more sessions will only increase your attachment and dependency. If you truly wish to work through this issue, I personally wouldn't go more often. That's just my opinion.

I think it depends on what you are in therapy for. Some people don't attach at all but I definitely did (although I had zero intention of doing so when it started. It just kinda happened) I have a fearful avoidant attachment style so twice a week initially was a good thing for me. If I went several days without seeing my T, I would freak out, pull away, and rebuild my walls. I still tend to revert back to this when he goes on vacation but THAT is a whole different story. Anyway, initially I was more of a mess going once a week than I was before I started. We tried 2x a week and things became more bearable. I realized that he was not going to hurt me and that I could trust him, that I was safe and, as time went on, I grew to handle things better on my own and deal better with the attachments I have to the real people in my life. I am down to just weekly now, I still have a ways to go and this hasn't been a fun process, there are definite ups and downs with this whole attachment thing, but, for me anyway, the 2x a week was incredibly helpful.

I don’t think the number of times per week you see your T increases an unhealthy attachment. I think it’s all about the work that may or may not get done.

Do you talk about your attachment style and how it feels? Is your therapist receptive?

I think so much more depends on what happens in your therapy than the amount of times per week/month you see them.

I am fearful avoidant too. I tend to find myself shutting down constantly still at weekly but I'm in a position where I'm not able to have anything more. Company policy unfortantly. I used up my "limits" for 2x a week.
I kinda wish I could try 2x again, even though I trust him, maybe a bit more regular would help me open up more but I am feeling more secure with us at weekly, just not able to stop shutting down, I don't see that ever changing either

My T has offered me twice/week and said that it can be more “intense” but can get more work done because there’s less time trying to figure out how to pick up where you left off last time, etc.

Yes, this is a big part of what's helped me, having it be easier to pick up where we left off. Especially as I'm somewhat prone to bringing up big topics (or subtopics) near the end of session. It also helps eliminate the "summarize the week" thing I often fell into with ex-T and ex-MC (since there's less time to cover), though I think part of it is that current T keeps things moving better. Another unrelated thing is, when I was going weekly, it often seemed like some major thing happened the night or day after session, and then I'd have to wait a week to address it (then by that time, something else may have happened, so it went on the backburner). This way, it's like if something major happens, it's generally not that long until I can actually address it in session.

Yep, this happens often to me. It's the sucky part of weekly but I also guess I just have to manage on my own through those times. Luckily for me, it's all I've ever known, so I'm not "learning" anything new with this T in that sense but oh well. It's also probably another reason I shut down. I just stop caring by the time session arrives... everything seems pointless.

Some people are very lucky on here. That's for sure.

If it was every day I wouldn't have time to process and work through things on my own between sessions and wouldn't get as much benefit
At once a week I can over-process or talk myself into some really unhelpful/irrational beliefs

Twice a week is enough time for me to process but still reconnect before I veer too far off track.

e.g. he said something on Friday that by Saturday I'd managed to convince myself meant that he didn't care about me, etc.
If I met with him again on Saturday I wouldn't have really had time to see where my mind went with that or practice handling challenging those thoughts by myself. If I had to wait until next Friday I might end up actually convincing myself that it's completely true and that I should quit therapy or whatever. Tomorrow I'll have had enough time to reflect on what I've been thinking/feeling to be able to discuss it, but I won't have gotten to the point of completely shutting him out.

I tend to do extremes. With attachment that means there's part of me that wants to completely sever ties and shut myself off and sabotage everything. Twice a week helps me keep that side at bay.