T reading my notes in session

I saw a T for a few weeks and she was really good, unfortunately she couldn't accommodate my late work hours though so I had to stop seeing her. One thing did bother me though and I'd like to hear what others think about it. She would take out her iPad in the session and say "let me just get your notes, what's your DOB again?" In fairness, sometimes weeks would pass before she could see me so she probably had forgotten. But still.

I always felt that I was forgettable and unimportant because of this, and "just another client". Maybe she was really busy, but I would imagine a T should read the client notes before they arrive. Anyone ever experience similar or have any thoughts?

I agree, they should not deal with the notes in session. That is perfectly acceptable from a doctor or other service provider but the T should make an effort to have a relatively normal conversation and pay attention to what the client says not what she had written. To me, that is either laziness or bad time management. If she is good otherwise, I would tell her that it bothers you (find it distracting etc) and ask if she could check her notes before you arrive.

Boy, I wouldn’t like this. My T is always focused completely on me from the second we sit down (almost overwhelmingly so for someone who doesn’t like to be the center of attention). I’m also impressed that it’s obvious he has read my emails because throughout our session he’ll bring up random little things I said in emails even from weeks ago.

I agree that she should glance at them before you come in. Or, if she tends to run late/not have much time before clients, she could glance at them first thing in the morning, on her lunch break, or even the night before.


My T doesn't have the world's greatest memory, and sometimes I'll mention something and he'll ask me to remind him of that again. But he's never pulled out his notes.

Yes I really disliked it. She also had her phone on the table beside her during the session and it would occasionally vibrate when it rang which was so distracting. She made me feel like she was very busy and I was just an annoyance taking up her time.

That would bother me a lot. Come prepared to the session. I’m not using my time for your catch-up.

I don't think I could have stayed in therapy if the things that a T did bothered me so much I could not bring it up and discuss them. This is really true for me in my former marriage and in all the significant relationships in my life. Nine years later with this T, it's not just what bugs me but what I find curious, as in why do or say X?

I've learned a few things over the years, the most recent one is where he started saying something before he told a story, like "I'm sure you've heard all my stories by now" and then he'd tell me something I hadn't heard before. I said I thought this was a message that I'd been in therapy too long and he had nothing else to offer me (my interpretation). He said, and it was a little sad, that he didn't have the same kind of relationship to his own memory (which is a curious way to put you feel your memory isn't as good as it used to be, but it felt more accurate), so he wanted to preface his story with the point that I may have heard him tell me before. Bottom line: it was about him, not about me. And the things that have often caused me pain with people have been the way I took what they said, not what they actually said. My interpretations about what other people said, rather than what they meant, have kicked me in the @ss my entire life. I'm finally beginning to question them and tell myself a new story about who I am and what I mean to people, it is finally dawning on me that I am important to people, people like being with me and talking to me, and I am well loved. I am done with my old stories. Nobody gets to make me feel anything.

I am also done with being a chicken about bringing up things that I wonder about. If something T or someone else says or does bothers me, I try to respond rather than react and just ask about it. Usually I say I was wondering about this or was making a funny or likely incorrect interpretation about this . . . goofy me thought this was what you meant, did you?