[Lrad123]

I’m feeling a bit like an imposter and like I shouldn’t be in therapy. Sure, I’ve had some difficult times as anyone has, but my life is rich in many ways. I’ve been told that I’ve experienced “relational trauma” and “emotional neglect” but I also just feel like I’m throwing those words around to this group in order to validate being in therapy. I’ve had no actual trauma and my work involves being a caregiver for people going through undeniable life-changing difficulties, so I’m very aware that my little daily struggles pale in comparison by far to what many have experienced. I can give care both at home and at work, but I think it’s hard for me to receive, and 14 months into therapy I still don’t know how to get past this. In some aspects of my life I am confident, but in therapy I still feel like a weak little kid who is awkward about being the center of attention for an entire 50 minutes. It’s pretty ridiculously frustrating. I’m just wondering how to get past this or if I should even try.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

. . .I still feel like a weak little kid who is awkward about being the center of attention . . .

This is a feeling that deserves to be treated with respect, perhaps it's to the credit of the therapist that you have gotten in touch with it?

Yes, it's unpleasant to feel that way and it may also be that there's something in the relationship with the therapist that exacerbates the problem more than just getting in touch with something left over from childhood? That's what happened with a lot of therapists, for me, and I didn't recognize the therapists' contribution to overly activating things, sometimes making them worse, and not helping to resolve them.

I'm not a clinician and so, obviously, take what I have to say with a grain of salt or completely ignore it, but with regard to this kind of thing I really like Heinz Kohut's theories. Schema therapy also, as I understand it, has ways of trying to identify such feelings, or schemas, and then dealing with or overcoming them.

If you want my inexpert thoughts about the situation, according to what I understand about Kohut, you can send me a PM. His stuff also has some suggestions of ways out, as I recall. No guarantees, of course.

I don't think you're an imposter. Maybe the therapist is an imposter therapist, I don't know? At least sometimes, maybe.

[Salmon77]

You don't have to qualify for therapy by having some big-T trauma or being totally non-functional or whatever. Also, being around other people's life-changing difficulties all the time must be very stressful.

But I guess the main question is, do you think therapy is helping you?

[Glowworm80]

I resonate so much with your post. When I started therapy I didn’t really even think I needed it. I was functional, happy and my life was rich with many blessings. Based on what I knew from my childhood though I knew that it had to have had an impact on me somehow I just wasn’t sure how. I decided to go to therapy really try and deal with that and to reduce the risk of passing on negative traits I had accumulated due to that childhood to my potential future kids. I always (and sometimes still do) feel like I shouldn’t be there and that there are so many people with so many bigger issues and mine pale in comparison. I still have a lot to be thankful for in my life and I don’t have any mental health struggles like depression etc. Relational trauma and developmental trauma have been mentioned at various points. Sometimes I’m totally on board with them and read about their impact and take it all in but other times I think ‘enough already it’s time to move on’

Anyway I didn’t want to hijack the post about turning it all about me (but it appears I have) I guess mainly I’m trying to say is you are not alone. It Notmal to feel like that. Developmental trauma and emotional neglect have been shown to have as much of an impact as any of the more visible traumas so you are not a fraud but it is understandable to feel hat way.

Also, getting someone’s undivided attention for 50 minutes can bring up lots of feelings for anyone especially someone who has experienced emotional neglect in their childhood.

[LonesomeTonight]

I've expressed something similar in therapy, how it feels like other people have been through much worse than me, like their childhoods, and I'm making this big thing out of nothing. My T has said that different people react different ways to different things--one person might go through this huge trauma and be barely affected by it, while someone else may go through something much more minor but be strongly affected. It's just how people are. He (and ex-T) said some of my reactions suggest trauma in my background, but I feel it's all little-T trauma, not capital-T trauma. (I did make a list, and he agreed how some of it would be traumatic.) But he said it can be a cumulative effect. He also said something that really made me think--that dealing with rather intense anxiety (and OCD) my whole life could be considered a form of ongoing trauma.

[JaneTennison1]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I’m feeling a bit like an imposter and like I shouldn’t be in therapy. Sure, I’ve had some difficult times as anyone has, but my life is rich in many ways. I’ve been told that I’ve experienced “relational trauma” and “emotional neglect” but I also just feel like I’m throwing those words around to this group in order to validate being in therapy. I’ve had no actual trauma and my work involves being a caregiver for people going through undeniable life-changing difficulties, so I’m very aware that my little daily struggles pale in comparison by far to what many have experienced. I can give care both at home and at work, but I think it’s hard for me to receive, and 14 months into therapy I still don’t know how to get past this. In some aspects of my life I am confident, but in therapy I still feel like a weak little kid who is awkward about being the center of attention for an entire 50 minutes. It’s pretty ridiculously frustrating. I’m just wondering how to get past this or if I should even try.

It's hard to give from nothing. What struck me about what you said is that your job is a caregiver. That can easily result in burnout, try to look at it as doing the best for your clients by recharging. You dont have to have the worst issues ever to be in therapy. You can simply sit and be. Try and bring these feelings up with t.

[Argonautomobile]

Don't feel guilty because others have had it worse. That's like saying one can't be happy because others have had it better. It's not a competition.

Easier said than done, I know.

I've struggled with this, too. Someone said the above to me and it helped. Talk to your T if you can.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I can give care both at home and at work, but I think it’s hard for me to receive, and 14 months into therapy I still don’t know how to get past this. In some aspects of my life I am confident, but in therapy I still feel like a weak little kid who is awkward about being the center of attention for an entire 50 minutes. It’s pretty ridiculously frustrating. I’m just wondering how to get past this or if I should even try.

This seems like the real thing, not whether you've had it better than others in the past.

To accept what others offer-- love, acceptance, comfort, a place to sit with yourself-- it's a big deal. For me this increases my sense of vulnerability, challenges my desire to be fiercely independent, makes me wonder if I deserve it, evokes my feelings of accepting "charity," worries me about what they are going to expect in return, jacks up my fear of being hurt when they inevitably don't offer it. And so on. If I'm not my own island, who am I?

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I’m feeling a bit like an imposter and like I shouldn’t be in therapy. Sure, I’ve had some difficult times as anyone has, but my life is rich in many ways. I’ve been told that I’ve experienced “relational trauma” and “emotional neglect” but I also just feel like I’m throwing those words around to this group in order to validate being in therapy. I’ve had no actual trauma and my work involves being a caregiver for people going through undeniable life-changing difficulties, so I’m very aware that my little daily struggles pale in comparison by far to what many have experienced. I can give care both at home and at work, but I think it’s hard for me to receive, and 14 months into therapy I still don’t know how to get past this. In some aspects of my life I am confident, but in therapy I still feel like a weak little kid who is awkward about being the center of attention for an entire 50 minutes. It’s pretty ridiculously frustrating. I’m just wondering how to get past this or if I should even try.

Maybe you're not an entitled jerk! Not being an entitled jerk is not easy, and it seems to me that giving yourself permission to take time to pay attention to YOU is part of your challenge!

Therapy is for you to use how ever you wish to use it.
Even if it's just out of curiosity. There's no rules. We're all imposters from time to time.