Couch 182: Spiced Gingerbread.

Everyone struggles. Life sometimes hits you all at once. Life kind of stays that way in our house, so much so that it’s our normal. We often have people wonder out loud how we keep it together; we forget how abnormally crisis-filled our life is when looked at from an outsider’s perspective. Therapy sort of did teach us how to struggle gracefully. By that, I mean that it taught us that we can choose our reactions to a great extent. We generally choose to just handle what is right in front of us and not make mental lists of everything that has been going wrong. Lists like that tended to cause just more anxiety and lead us down the rabbit hole of “what if’s.”

Much of what is a struggle just is what it is. There is absolutely nothing in our personal power that is going to make it not be; what we do have control over is how we think about those struggles. My husband struggles literally to walk. He’s heading into his 8th surgery in fewer than three years in a December, and every stinking one of them has come with huge bills and medical complications. The struggle is real for both of us, physically, medically, financially, mentally. But what can we do about it? One day at a time. One appointment at a time. One crisis at a time. One bill at a time. Literally one step at a time. That’s our mantra. And surprisingly, we’re generally pretty calm and happy despite it all. I doubt my husband will make it many more years. He knows that. We’re so blessed to have each other still. We choose each day to be a gift.

I remember my long term t once telling me the goal was to learn how to cope. I was like, i refuse to cope. I had a postcard of Linus screaming that. Pretty much every day of my working life was hell, 30 years, nutritionally, physically, socially, emotionally, financially. It was kinda fun intellectually and commuting.

You are accumulating a lot of life stress points right now, you can look those up. So no, not normal.

I think lots of people actually struggle. Some more than others. All of yours going on right now are happening at once and that really increases the intensity of the struggles. I’m not sure why your therapist would terminate you for asking what you asked here. (What kind of word is terminate anyway? Not the point.) All the diet stuff and the quitting smoking is only temporary. Eventually at some point you will stop craving carbs and cigarettes but I’m not discounting the struggle it is to give those things up. I’m sure giving up those things coupled with decreasing your meds is very very hard. The puppy injury is temporary and if my sister had drama, but I had all this other stuff going on-I would give myself permission to take that one off my plate. You have to worry about yourself and getting through this tough time before taking on other people’s stuff.

Exactly, COTL. SP, it sounds like your cup is pretty close to empty at the moment in terms of allowing time for yourself. You are your priority right now.

(((((Scarlet)))))

I have a horrible headache today. My mother’s birthday was yesterday so my 2 sisters and I got together to take her out. We went to lunch first then we went wine tasting at a winery. I spent way too much money on wine that I didn’t drink as I was driving. I probably had 1 glass total between tasting and tiny sips of the plights of wine. My mom and younger sister did the most drinking. When we got back my younger sister had a bright idea to go to a sports bar and drink more. ( I want to be 29 again. ) I only ordered fries and water. I probably spent $100 yesterday on wine and food that I didn’t eat and drink. I’m glad my mother had a nice time. She deserved to have a good time, but I am broke. Today brings cleaning and laundry for the work week but at least it will only be a 3 day work week. Thursday and Friday are off for the holiday.

Shopping day with my family. It wouldn't be so bad if I actually liked my family. At least I am old enough to wander off and do my own thing.

I am not the only one who blindly trusted the wrong people. Many others followed in my footsteps.

Went to Walmart for cleaning supplies and I am just not prepared for the Christmas mayhem this year. Going to D's this afternoon to check the place out, can't wait to see it. Then an early night and much earlier morning than usual, changing work schedule to minimize home alone time for my youngest. I have worked 9-5:30 for 7 years now, going in at 7:30 is going to feel really wrong.

Happy Sunday couch!

I would have a really terrible time with that sort of change in schedule. Your dedication to your children's well being is nice to hear about.

Hugs to all who want.

I should say, therapy was TRYING to show me how to build a happier life, but i couldnt / wouldnt let go of my family and my "beliefs". I ran on my false self - fortunately, that girl could code (computers) and that and therapy kept me alive to enjoy my retirement today.

I felt like i tried to do the right thing, even if it wasnt the accepted thing, even if it cost me, in terms of working hard and equality. So those were my values. Thats what kept me going.

So maybe think about what your values are? Thats what the Franklin Planner pushes, to plan your life in terms of your values and something else - goals, maybe? Family always thwarted my goals, so i kinda gave up on those. But i think values and goals can support each other. Thats my happy sunday talk! sorry i sounded like such an ungrateful downer in my OP.

In going to knock my sister out. Yesterday while out we took pictures. I told my sister NOT to post any of the pictures with me in them on her Facebook. There is a specific reason for this. It’s about my past and privacy. So what does she do? She POSTED all the pictures of me on her Facebook. I am so mad right now. I texted her and told her to take them down.

That stinks. If she tagged you in them you should be able to untag yourself at least in the meantime.

I did Un tag myself on them and texted her and told her to take them down. She’s not a child. She’s is 29. Why would she go directly against what I asked her not to do. I don’t plaster my own face all over Facebook so I don’t understand why she would. I think if someone asks another person not to post pictures of them then they should not post them.

She just took them down but the damage is done. People who I didn’t want to see them saw them because those people hit the like button.

This why i dont have a personal fb account and dont use my real name, a lesson i learned in the past

I hope she listens to you and takes them down

facebook seems to cause a great amount of difficulty. I am not on it so I guess I would not know if anyone posted any picture with me in it.

I try to avoid all social media. I'm young, but I try to avoid some technology. For example, I also don't have a smartphone.

It is scary how much Facebook knows about people. They knew I was over 35 and childless, so they kept showing me ads for a fertility clinic. That felt really intrusive to me.

Well, that explains all the ads for Xanax on my page...

Yup, I also got ads for the new transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) treatment. They had a link to a study in my city. But when I answered the questions for the study, they said I didn't qualify.

Hugs, she shouldn't have done that. I think there's a way in the settings to either not allow yourself be tagged or to have to approve each tagging.

Thanks LT- I went in and found those settings and changed them. She took them off but still. If I say to someone please don’t post pictures of me then that should be respected. I’m mad at her.