What should I do?

I know how screwed up I am. I don’t need to be reminded of that.

I’m so sick and tired of being me. I don’t even want to be alive anymore. Everywhere I go, people are pointing out what’s wrong with me. I’m tired of it.

Hope-keep in mind that you got many supportive posts in here too. It isn’t everybody.

I definitely need to focus on the supportive posts. I have definitely received kind and supportive words from some great people.

I need to block out the negative stuff. I just have too much pain right now to keep letting everything touch the wounds and hurt.

Hope, I think you just answered you own question. You are in a lot of pain right now and from your posts it sounds like this has been going on for some time. While the decision is always yours, it sounds like it would be in your best interest to pay the Pdoc/T right now and to work on getting yourself better.

Good luck to you. I hope you find the help you need in this doc.

Hope, I was only answering your question, the title of the thread: "What should I do?" If you don't want opinions, don't ask for them.

I think you already have your mind set on the puppy since you get upset when anyone suggests using the money for your doctor. Why not then just get the puppy? I still have my opinion that it doesn't sound like you can afford a puppy, and it sounds like you really need to see your doctor. But if you think otherwise, that's your choice.

Since you're asking for opinions, I'll throw mine in the mix.

I think you should pay your doctor.

Everyone has already said why you shouldn't get the puppy, or how you can get a different puppy, or a cheaper puppy. I could write pages on the subject; I've been in the industry for over 25 years as a breeder, competitor, judge, trainer, groomer, evaluator, etc. My only caution is to the breed - German Shepherds have horrible, horrible health problems. I would only recommend getting one if you can afford the insurance because you will definitely need it. Also, being a large breed, they eat a lot, and need a lot of mental and physical stimulation.

Only you can take a good hard look at yourself and know if you can afford the dog, the accessories, the training, the food, the vet bills, the insurance, to replace all the things that puppies chew and destroy, etc etc etc. None of us has a microscope into your bank account.

I think paying your doctor would be the more responsible choice, and provide you with the best long-term outcome. I love my animals (dogs, cat, pig), and pray I'm never in a position where I can't afford to do well by them. My last dog was a purebred Miniature American Eskimo (all my dogs are purebred - i will not own an unpapered dog) and in his last week of life his vet bills were over $15,000 and i did not have insurance because I didn't believe in it (my dogs now all have insurance!).

Again only you can decide where your money is best spent. I suspect, however, you know you should pay your doctor, but you want to buy the puppy, but know it's not the best choice, so you came here seeking validation for it (because that's exactly what i would do).

Except you didn't get the validation you were seeking.

So again, you'll have to decide whether to act with your heart or your head.