[granite1]

im struggling a bit with this and was hoping to maybe hear some other experiences with this
got a call from my T this morning .when i answered she asked if she had informed me of her office change .i told her she had not and then she asked if i had time to talk. she told me that the person that she sublet the office from wanted it back and she didn't feel comfortable working out of that office had decided to see clients out of her home. she said that she would like to start that with me today she gave me the address of her home and some parking instructions.
so much stuff went through my head . as i was heading there my stomach was in a huge knot .i didnt know what to expect . once i found the house and parking i was just a little less stress. especially when she opened her door as i walked up the steps .i was worried she wouldnt know i was there and i would have to knock or ring the bell . she had the most beautiful house and so clean and immaculate. i felt so funny wearing my shoes on her carpet . she was in her socks . she didnt have an office in her house so we met in her living room.her cat also came in to say hi . i loved that . it is amazing what you can learn about a person from going to there house . im not one for wanting to know much about my T so i was horribly uncomfortable with that.i have done the living with my councilor and t with loose boundaries and it never goes well.i really try very hard to keep from getting to attached to my T do to this . i have high walls .

i was able to express some of this to her . one of the things i am obsessing with is the feeling that i am going to contaminate her home . in an office you can leave all the horribleness in the office and go home . in this situation you cant .i feel im going to contaminate her home with all the horribleness i am . i can see her in the evening relaxing and looking over to the spot on the couch i was sitting on and shuttering at all the horribleness i spewed out that day .and to make it even more horrible is if i was sitting on the couch in her usual seat . how can she get away from it . i couldnt get much into the conversation about that because the moment i started to talk to her about my horribleness she stopped my and started to tell me i was not horrible . but i still feel like im am going to contaminate her home .

[piggy momma]

I used to meet my T in her house and I loved it. I was super sad when she moved to an office.

I think you should talk to her about your feelings. They will act as a barrier to your therapy otherwise. And I wouldn’t honestly be too concerned - she is running her business in a way that works for her - she sounds very inviting and accommodating.

[Rive1976]

Ts are used to horrible stuff. I imagine they just tuck it away like the ER nurses.

[downandlonely]

I don't think I could do therapy out of my house, but it's nice that your T has found an arrangement that works. She must be saving money too now that she doesn't have to rent an office.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by granite1

one of the things i am obsessing with is the feeling that i am going to contaminate her home . in an office you can leave all the horribleness in the office and go home . in this situation you cant .i feel im going to contaminate her home with all the horribleness i am .

my T did similarly. he notified me last minute, over a text, that he was no longer renting the room at the office that he had been using and that the next session would be out of the office at his house (for some reason he had forgotten to inform me of this news at our session). for me, it actually was quite a big deal because his last minute notification took me completely by surprise and didn't allow for any preparation. my T had no idea that this transition would be as challenging as it was for me. i had the exact same feelings you did. i didn't feel that i was worthy enough as a person to be allowed into his private space, that i would contaminate it with the toxicity of my truama and who i was as a person. it also felt confusing, because why would he allow me in his private home all the sudden when prior to this, due to the boundaries of therapy, i was hardly allowed much knowledge into the facets of his world? now all the sudden, it was ok to not only see part of his 'world' but to be allowed into that space. what should have been a simple transition from one therapy space to another was absolutely overwhelming for me, and my T definilty misjudged just how big and triggering it was. it took many sessions in his home addressing it to really start to feel any sense of comfort. i guess the best thing was, he allowed his dog to join us, knowing that i liked his dog and found comfort from him sitting with me in my sessions.

just know that you are not alone in this experince