Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

goatee · Dec 23, 2018 at 11:59 PM

I wish you had remembered to email me for the anniversary. Last year you did. I feel like I can’t say anything to you about it. I’m really hurt.

winterblues17 · Dec 24, 2018 at 01:00 AM

The end is near, I can see why you have pulled back. Maybe you trying to give me time to adjust, but by doing this it all just hurts more. I think it is the wrong move, I think that for the best possible ending I needed the you I have had the whole time, and I needed email replies. You always allowed and responses to emails on breaks before, one last time, one last break and you refused to respond , as if you not leaving hadn't hurt enough, I really don't think you should have changed the boundaries with a few weeks to go!

A termination feeling you care would have been more therapeutic for me!! This just feels like more punishment.

LabRat27 · Dec 24, 2018 at 01:09 AM

Possible trigger:

I wish I could ask you to write down some of those things like "it wasn't your fault" so I can read it when I'm doubting myself and can't remember what your voice sounded like saying them.

Dec 24, 2018 at 01:16 AM

DrD,

I realized the other day that it would be 3 weeks between sessions over the holidays and not 2. It made for a pretty bad day. I feel a lot stronger facing the things I need to knowing you've got my back. Hoping the next few weeks go by fast.

"Legions upon legions of craftsmen handmade my feelings.
There's bears in the wood and they're out to get me,
And I'm safe from harm if I stay in this chalet.
And hold me tight and I'll sink in,
I'm absorbed in your thinking,

But you don't know."

Credit: Alt-J

Dec 24, 2018 at 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat27

I wrote a stupid poem a few weeks ago. It was optimistic and self empowering and recovery focused and everything you would absolutely love to see from me.
And I am actually almost considering sharing it with you
Do you have any idea how much that means that I would even consider that? How much vulnerability and trust that would require?
I would be sharing something genuine and sincere and personal with you and trusting you to not judge it or me. It wouldn't be a joke or self deprecating or something I could pretend didn't matter to me.

But then I think about how stupid and childish it is
How you'd have to be supportive and pretend to not think it was stupid or awful
How you'd say something nice but I'd just feel patronized
And then I just feel gross and ashamed

So, to answer your question, no, you're not an exception to the belief.

I hope you share your poem with your T.

Anastasia~ · Dec 24, 2018 at 01:50 AM

Dear T,
I wish I could see you this week, but I know I can't. I feel vulnerable after disclosing some things to you.

Echos Myron redux · Dec 24, 2018 at 06:23 AM

It was nice hugging you in my dream last night. Have a lovely break T.

Lemoncake · Dec 24, 2018 at 07:38 AM

I hope you like my presents tomorrow!

junkDNA · Dec 24, 2018 at 07:45 AM

I hate you! go away!!

DP_2017 · Dec 24, 2018 at 08:19 AM

I miss you so much it hurts

Dec 24, 2018 at 10:36 AM

Y'know... I just realized something. My starting to miss you/us last night had a lot to do with having just had a bit of a row with h that temporarily had me doubting myself about everything. We sorted it out, watched a movie together and I forgot all about missing you until I was reading this thread right now. Interesting. Anyway, the missing you last night was ok, y'know it wasn't in the desperate, clingy from-a-young-place way that I used to miss you. It was more of an adult, of course I miss what was a profound relationship and that's to be expected but I'm ok kind of way. So that was good, at least.

Echos Myron redux · Dec 24, 2018 at 12:28 PM

I hope you're having a happy Christmas eve.

junkDNA · Dec 24, 2018 at 01:41 PM

I don't trust you any more

susannahsays · Dec 24, 2018 at 01:43 PM

I am angry with you.

stopdog · 03:06 PM

I wonder if you people believe any of the crap you spew out.
I also wonder if any of the stories you people tell are true. I doubt it.

Sheffield · Dec 24, 2018 at 02:36 PM

Are you suffering the loss of my financial support this xmas??

Lemoncake · Dec 24, 2018 at 03:05 PM

6 days without you so far- how many days did you bet you'd have before you think i'll email you?

I picture you as one of those parents who does the whole the matching Christmas pajamas.

LabRat27 · Dec 24, 2018 at 03:41 PM

I think we need to talk about transference again. ****.

Echos Myron redux · Dec 24, 2018 at 04:08 PM

T1. I saw you're going to be alone this Christmas for the first time in your life following your divorce. I don't have anything to say about it. I just saw it that's all.

winterblues17 · Dec 24, 2018 at 04:12 PM

All I want for Christmas is to hear from you and to know you care, but you won't because you don't!

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Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

My Support Forums

goatee Member Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Florida Posts: 322 7 567 hugs given	Dec 23, 2018 at 11:59 PM #341 I wish you had remembered to email me for the anniversary. Last year you did. I feel like I can’t say anything to you about it. I’m really hurt.

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 01:09 AM #343 Possible trigger: I wish I could ask you to write down some of those things like "it wasn't your fault" so I can read it when I'm doubting myself and can't remember what your voice sounded like saying them.

Anastasia~ Poohbah Member Since Jul 2017 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,019 6 5,296 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 01:50 AM #346 Dear T, I wish I could see you this week, but I know I can't. I feel vulnerable after disclosing some things to you. __________________

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,162 6 1,834 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 06:23 AM #347 It was nice hugging you in my dream last night. Have a lovely break T.

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,734 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 07:38 AM #348 I hope you like my presents tomorrow! __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 07:45 AM #349 I hate you! go away!! __________________

DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,414 6 665 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 08:19 AM #350 I miss you so much it hurts __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,162 6 1,834 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 12:28 PM #352 I hope you're having a happy Christmas eve.

junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 01:41 PM #353 I don't trust you any more __________________

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 01:43 PM #354 I am angry with you.

Sheffield Member Member Since Mar 2017 Location: United kingdom Posts: 137 7 57 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 02:36 PM #356 Are you suffering the loss of my financial support this xmas??

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,734 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 03:05 PM #357 6 days without you so far- how many days did you bet you'd have before you think i'll email you? I picture you as one of those parents who does the whole the matching Christmas pajamas. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 03:41 PM #358 I think we need to talk about transference again. ****.

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,162 6 1,834 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 04:08 PM #359 T1. I saw you're going to be alone this Christmas for the first time in your life following your divorce. I don't have anything to say about it. I just saw it that's all.

winterblues17 Member Member Since Nov 2017 Location: UK Posts: 379 6 62 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 04:12 PM #360 All I want for Christmas is to hear from you and to know you care, but you won't because you don't!