Couch 184: Welcome to Zanzibar!

I bet they are having a ball!!

haha,i see what you did there. apparently my younger cat knows how to play fetch. i've literally never taught her, but this ball that came in the kit was ideal for fetch. she dropped it at my feet several times before i realized, and sure enough, played fetch all night. <3

We really like cheese in my house. Once we went on a family trip and that’s what my kids bought for souvenirs, cheese. A couple of my kids are getting cheese samplers for Christmas. Mmmmmm......cheese.

I just googled how to make mustard. That is going on my to-do list. stopdog, do you find mustard seed in bulk at the grocery or ??

Is this my genius fly on the wall cat?

My mom offered to get us giant wedges of Romano cheese from Costco. I was like, you better not - you will call for a wellness check and they will find me lying bloated on the floor with the empty wrapper in my teeth. I like just a sprinkling on pasta, but plain chunks are irresistible(sp?).

I called H's doctor last night telling him to put H back on Wellbutrin. He did! H had another anxiety attack this morning and stormed out. Right now, he seems calm. I'm going to talk to my T on Monday about possibly getting a divorce. A part of me doesn't want to, but another part of me can't live like this. I don't deserve this. H threw a fit last night after getting home from the hospital, and demanded that my dad and I not force him to eat what we eat. I told him that's fine, but if he doesn't eat what I eat, he'll have to get food on his own. I don't think my H understands how serious I am about wanting to leave. I told him last night that if we get a divorce, he might lose his car unless he pays me for half of it. He said he was fine with paying me for it... And I was telling my dad that H can take half the money and spend it on chasing a delusional rare illness, and I'll take my half and go have a baby.

H's doctor called him today about his testosterone levels... I guess they're extremely low and could be causing all of this? That or his thyroid? Idk. I'm tired of it. Last night he thought he had a rare illness that only affects like 1 in 20,000 people. Then he figured out that he actually doesn't have that because he has hypothyroidism not hyper. Then he told me he has both hypo and hyper at the same exact time. I told him that's impossible.

I'm just sick of it and I don't understand. I mean, I injured my knee 12 years ago and the doctors couldn't figure out what happened. I have been in constant pain ever since. I complain some times, but usually I'll just put on my cream and move on. There's nothing anyone can do. Why does my H have to solve every little issue?

I'm tired.

Sorry for the rant.

sending you big hugs, scarlet. i sure wish i knew what to say that would help. rant away here if it helps.

Scarlet - i was watching Hoarders last night, and the specialists lost it dealing with this one client, Sandy. Then they were talking after and saying, they know she cant help it, but thats why her situation had gotten so bad, she was pretty delusional. She SEEMED rational, and she would get angry to get her way on things, but she was literally relying on the kindness of strangers. But i dont think she even realized that.

Anyway, seems like your h is kinda like that. Like he has munchausens or something. There was an article in last sundays nytimes about adult guardianships, it was not very hopeful.

Back from the dentist. Totally freaked out and cried. They didnt put enough numbing cream on to begin with but they did let me have regular breaks and they used a not so violent drill this time. I am here snuggling with the dog, eating my feelings and watching midsomer murders.

I told H tonight that I'm going to talk to T on Monday about possibly divorcing him. He said it's okay if I do, he'd understand?!?!

#45......

My T I guess took a mini vacation? She said she'll be without her phone this weekend. So I'm all alone. I called the crisis line yesterday. They told me to take a bath or watch a comedy, and to call back if I need to... My T said basically the same... I need her so bad right now and she's not here! I did take a bath. I still feel depressed. I feel like the last 13 years have been a waste. My whole life is a waste. I don't think I can do this anymore.

I'm sorry you're still struggling so much and your T isn't around over the weekend, Scarlet I hope this works out for you somehow. Even if things seem very bad right now, remember that it can get better again. Maybe there will be some changes like some distance between your husband and you, but I do think that there's a way that you can get a more calm, fulfilling life again. People on here are always willing to talk, please stay safe.

Yup yup thats it exactly! Our captain scored one on Monday

Happy Friday couch. I'll put the coffee on but someone else will have to cook breakfast, I'm running late this morning. Have a good one!

Does anyone still send Christmas cards? I love doing it but geez it's so pricey. I only do a few a year now

I am very lucky to have a few friends and cousins who still send them to me.

I haven't in a few years, maybe I should do it again this year :P
(2014 card was sent out with the announcement that now that I'd "started my own family" I thought it was time I started sending out cards)

Oh for Pete’s sake. I should not read the Couch before I sleep. I dreamt I was making mustard ice cream.

Hugs, Scarlet...Your H's comment in response to the divorce thing makes it sound like he knows he's behaving unacceptably. I hope you're able to find the path that's right for you, whether with him or without him.

Haha you are so like me! I ONLY do cards with my dogs and myself on them. So funny

Ommmgggggg look at Jasper!!! He's so GORGEOUS!

I met with a fellow autism parent who I met in a Facebook group for coffee this morning for the first time. It was good talking in person to someone who gets it. She was really nice and friendly. I feel like I was on a first date or something--like, did she like me OK, too? Will she want to hang out again? Making new friends as an adult is hard...

Your cat is lovely, LabRat! I especially love the pic where he's wearing a tie!

Isn't anxiety fun? LOL

I totally relate to this.