[Merope]

I know this may seem quite a silly thing to be anxious about, but I really want to give my T a Christmas card in our last session before the holidays. Do you think this would be appropriate? I would never buy him a gift out of fear of him turning it down, but I go back and forth between thinking a card is ok and thinking that it's somehow a violation of boundaries. I know I'm probably overthinking this, but I would probably melt into a mortified puddle on the floor if he were to decline it.

What do you guys think about this?

(I know this sort of thing has been posted about recently--sorry to bring it up again).

[LostOnTheTrail]

I think a card is perfectly OK. It's a gesture of appreciation, after all. I had the same thought last year, then my counsellor gave me one first, so I had to wait until the following week to give her one.

[DP_2017]

My T was a hard no on gifts but ALWAYS accepted cards. I think in general most will. I even gave him one this year and included a gift tag in it (because it was a theme for the card) and he was like "is this a bookmark?" and when I said no, he was like "Well it's gonna be now" and I put in a collage of photos of our adventures that I printed and he loved it.

If you are worried, do what I did last year, just leave it on his desk as you walk out

[piggy momma]

A card is definitely not inappropriate and I’m sure your T would be very appreciative.

I have my T two bottles of wine and a card and he was very grateful.

[junkDNA]

don't think I'll give t anything this year

[autonoe]

I gave my last T, a woman, a card and a small gift for Christmas. She seemed touched and appreciative. I have never given my current T, a man, any gift, but he would probably accept a card if I decided to give him one. I have decided not to, though, because I sometimes struggle with the nature of our relationship, and giving him a card might blur the lines a bit for me, not for him. Most therapists would probably be just fine with accepting a card of appreciation at the holidays.

[growlycat]

I’m giving t modest meaningful gifts under his stated dollar amount.

[nottrustin]

I have been torn this year about what to do. It was never a question with T I knew I could buy her gifts, make baked goods, and give her a card. Usually I mailed gifts and cards. I have decided to email EMDR T a card.

[Merope]

Thanks all! My T hasn't talked about his policy on gifts etc. I think most of his clients are short-term so I don't think many would get to a point where they'd think of getting him anything. I think I'd feel too awkward to get him a gift, but I would like to give him a card. I don't mean it to be anything other than a gesture of appreciation for his continued help. I think the anxiety stems from reading rigid articles on why therapists shouldn't accept physical or symbolic gifts (hence the card worry) because they often mean more than what they are. I don't really agree with that interpretation...I mean sometimes a card is just a card. It's not like I expect him to give me the keys to his house in return. I'm definitely overthinking this. Our relationship is really good at the moment, I think I'm just worried of inserting something into it which will alter it somehow, or put him on his guard, or make him uncomfortable and therefore different with me. But then I say to myself...IT'S JUST A CARD!

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Merope

Thanks all! My T hasn't talked about his policy on gifts etc. I think most of his clients are short-term so I don't think many would get to a point where they'd think of getting him anything. I think I'd feel too awkward to get him a gift, but I would like to give him a card. I don't mean it to be anything other than a gesture of appreciation for his continued help. I think the anxiety stems from reading rigid articles on why therapists shouldn't accept physical or symbolic gifts (hence the card worry) because they often mean more than what they are. I don't really agree with that interpretation...I mean sometimes a card is just a card. It's not like I expect him to give me the keys to his house in return. I'm definitely overthinking this. Our relationship is really good at the moment, I think I'm just worried of inserting something into it which will alter it somehow, or put him on his guard, or make him uncomfortable and therefore different with me. But then I say to myself...IT'S JUST A CARD!

I hear you. In all my years on earth, I NEVER questioned giving a card or gift to anyone until therapy. I have grown up doing things every holiday for complete strangers, where we buy them things. I used to do therapy visits with my dogs to schools and such and would bring a box of cards and candies to give to everyone. I didnt know them. To me, it was always kindness. Nothing more.

Then therapy made it seem like you want to get in their pants if you dare have a kind gesture like that. Ridiculous indeed.

Anyway, yes, it's just a card. A gift is more debatable in therapy... but I can't see him rejecting a card. Honestly just leave it on the desk when you leave, then you don't have to worry if he rejects it but i doubt he will.

I never gave anything to my therapists but would be quite surprised if anyone declined a card. I can hardly imagine anything more professional than that. If you are worried that he will infuse it with something, maybe choose a simple and traditional card and, if you plan to write a message on it, come up with something appreciative but brief and relatively formal. And I agree with DP's suggestion about giving it to him at the end of the session. I would personally hand it to him directly and would wish him happy Holidays/Christmas but leaving it on his desk might also be good.

[Merope]

Yeah, I plan to keep the message short and simple. The card itself isn't a "traditional" Christmas card because I'm not a big fan of them, but it's a nice wintery one that I really liked and couldn't help buying. I didn't even buy it with him in mind, but when i was thinking of who i could give it to, he seemed the most natural option because he's just helped me so much in the past year.

[Merope]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I hear you. In all my years on earth, I NEVER questioned giving a card or gift to anyone until therapy.

This. It would be funny if it weren't so bloody anxiety-inducing.

He doesn't really have a desk....at least not one that I can just leave a card on. My only option is to literally give it to him.

[DP_2017]

You could always mail it to the office as well

[SlumberKitty]

I think a card is perfectly appropriate and perfectly lovely. My former T always accepted them and so did Tony the Tiger T. I never gave one to T1 as I was very little when I saw her and T3 yeah, wouldn't have wanted to anyway.