So tired of feeling sad

Yes, I said "sad." Little Cool has been sad for many weeks, and today I learned that a childhood-now friend of my daughter lost her mother on Friday. The friend is a single mother, mid-thirties, with a beautiful daughter. This woman was only a few years older than I am. So of course, I start playing certain music to try to get through these feelings, without T, who said I could text as much as I wanted to, but she won't answer every text. LC gets mad and sad when T doesn't respond. I am trying my best to take care of LC so she doesn't "personalize" everything. That was the term my T used. So, trying to be the strong, confident, Big Cool. But it hurts me, too.

In my experience, being thick in the grief and loss (even if yours is temporary) does bring out the various levels of sadness and it feels endless. You are going well to be there for LC and of course is it draining for Big Cool. Sometimes things that comfort and support Big Cool (for me, reaching out for a coffee or a phone call with a good friend; taking some creative time are especially big helps).

At times when it is tough the buddhists say something about the ground always shifting, which feels right to me, that I won't always feel this way or feel this way with intensity. Now, a number of years after my spouse died, I have a sense of fondness for the sadness and grief that resurfaces at this time of year, the anniversary when he was diagnosed with cancer, because I'm just glad to feel it. It makes me feel the connectedness and significance of the relationship I had with him, is a reminder of my sense of pride in showing up as he was dying, and I just feel so human because I can still feel these things with some palpability. I feel more like myself in my grief-- and it is definitely not the intense stuff that persists when you are in the middle of it-- now, like I own the memories of the life I had with him and how it ended.

Hi Cool. I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this. HUGS. Kit.

Yeah, for me, after a while, feeling sad gets combined with the fatigue of the sadness. So sorry that this has been put in your path.

Beautifically said; thank you.

Hugs...I said something similar to my T today, that I just don't want to be feeling sad about ex-MC anymore, that I just want to get through this and be able to move forward and take care of myself and be happy. It can just feel endless when you're in it...