[annielovesbacon]

I feel I have not been making much progress in therapy lately. From the things my T asks, I can tell she agrees, although she has not explicitly said that.

I will admit that I hold many things back from my T and bring up old things we have talked about as a cop-out not to talk about things I am afraid to say. So, this stagnation is my fault.

In my last session, T asked me to come next time with "conversations I would like to have with her." I know this is my chance to tell her what I have been holding back. But, I am scared. There are many things I have been holding back from her. Do I dump them all at once? Do I just say one thing?

I don't see her for three more weeks ( ) so I have some time to think about what I will say. But it seems every time I go in determined to reveal something to her, I chicken out.

How do you get past stagnation? How do you tell your T things you have been keeping from them? Please help, I am very nervous to see her again and what I will say to her.

[NP_Complete]

My therapist had an idea once that worked out really well. He asked me to write down things to talk about on slips of paper (I used post it notes) and he would keep them in a container. When we got stuck, he and I would agree to pull one out of the container and discuss them. There's currently only one left in the container and it's something really painful for me to talk about, but he knows it's there and he knows that it's not something I take lightly to talk about. I wonder if something similar would work for you. Your therapist would know that there are things you're having trouble talking about and you could work together to bring them out into the open. I'm actually convinced he knows what that last slip contains but we talk around it. I trust him that he hasn't read it before I've given him permission to read it.

[starfishing]

I've had many, many productive conversations with my current therapist that started out by talking about how hard it was to bring something up, rather than by bringing up the difficult topic from the outset. Hell, I've had really good sessions that were almost entirely about how difficult it was for me to say anything, Maybe try talking about feeling like you're stuck, and your sense that she also thinks things are stagnant, and what that's like for you? It might ultimately get easier to talk about the things you haven't been able to say yet (I'm hesitant to say "holding back," since sometimes I think that obscures the reality that it's just not possible or realistic all the time to cut right to the most vulnerable topics) if you take a less direct route.

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

My therapist had an idea once that worked out really well. He asked me to write down things to talk about on slips of paper (I used post it notes) and he would keep them in a container. When we got stuck, he and I would agree to pull one out of the container and discuss them. There's currently only one left in the container and it's something really painful for me to talk about, but he knows it's there and he knows that it's not something I take lightly to talk about. I wonder if something similar would work for you. Your therapist would know that there are things you're having trouble talking about and you could work together to bring them out into the open. I'm actually convinced he knows what that last slip contains but we talk around it. I trust him that he hasn't read it before I've given him permission to read it.

This is absolutely brilliant. I love it!!

OP - I used to be afraid to bring things up with my therapist. I worked on trust - because I found that it meant I didn’t really trust him. Once I got to a point of trusting him, it became a lot easier.

Do you have the option to email or text? I used to send an email or text that started with “I’m really scared to tell you this but...”. And then I’d just blab it. And then we’d talk about it in session - but he always left it up to me to bring it up (which drove me crazy because I really wanted him to bring it up - but he was honouring my freedom and right to direct the therapy).

Now I find him really easy to talk to about anything and everything. But I had to learn to trust him first.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

I feel I have not been making much progress in therapy lately. From the things my T asks, I can tell she agrees, although she has not explicitly said that.

I will admit that I hold many things back from my T and bring up old things we have talked about as a cop-out not to talk about things I am afraid to say. So, this stagnation is my fault.

In my last session, T asked me to come next time with "conversations I would like to have with her." I know this is my chance to tell her what I have been holding back. But, I am scared. There are many things I have been holding back from her. Do I dump them all at once? Do I just say one thing?

I don't see her for three more weeks ( ) so I have some time to think about what I will say. But it seems every time I go in determined to reveal something to her, I chicken out.

How do you get past stagnation? How do you tell your T things you have been keeping from them? Please help, I am very nervous to see her again and what I will say to her.

I vote for dump them all at once, and keep them like open tabs to talk about one by one.

[SlumberKitty]

When that used to happen with me and my former T, I would write down something I was having trouble telling her and then give it to her in session. That would begin the conversation. It would often take us several sessions to talk through it because sometimes just bringing it up was enough for one session. Kit.

I have a major shutdown and am usually quite rude to them

I know it isn't their fault, far from it

but at the time it's all I can think of to say/ do

[Waterloo12345]

I wrote a load of emails basically setting out all major issues then said they were verboten to talk about. She abided by this for a while then depending on context, mood etc she might drop in a pebble, relating to an issue and take her cue from there as to whether to talk about it. Say perhaps because I'd indirectly referenced it she would be like is that an indirect ref and is it because you want to talk about it today? In better therapy speak!

Also we once spent a number of sessions on me getting to trust her and making the leap of faith to trust so we also talked around the difficult issues by talking about the process.

[anxiousbaker]

Mine just told me the other day that I can send her texts or emails during the week when something pops up in my mind or there is something that I would like to share, she will read them but not reply and we will talk about them in session. It's great for me because writing comes much easier than talking. But yes I agree with what others have said, I sometimes had great sessions that were just about me being stuck and holding back - and they gave me the courage to go back and share the next time!

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

My therapist had an idea once that worked out really well. He asked me to write down things to talk about on slips of paper (I used post it notes) and he would keep them in a container. When we got stuck, he and I would agree to pull one out of the container and discuss them. There's currently only one left in the container and it's something really painful for me to talk about, but he knows it's there and he knows that it's not something I take lightly to talk about. I wonder if something similar would work for you. Your therapist would know that there are things you're having trouble talking about and you could work together to bring them out into the open. I'm actually convinced he knows what that last slip contains but we talk around it. I trust him that he hasn't read it before I've given him permission to read it.

What a unique and smart idea! I don't know if my T would be open to this or not, but I might suggest it. Usually I would say I don't like writing things down and having my T read it in front of me, but this seems a bit different.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by starfishing

I've had many, many productive conversations with my current therapist that started out by talking about how hard it was to bring something up, rather than by bringing up the difficult topic from the outset. Hell, I've had really good sessions that were almost entirely about how difficult it was for me to say anything, Maybe try talking about feeling like you're stuck, and your sense that she also thinks things are stagnant, and what that's like for you? It might ultimately get easier to talk about the things you haven't been able to say yet (I'm hesitant to say "holding back," since sometimes I think that obscures the reality that it's just not possible or realistic all the time to cut right to the most vulnerable topics) if you take a less direct route.

I think this may be the way to go for me. I truly don't know why I have not told her specific things, it's not a trust issue, so maybe we can work on that first.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

This is absolutely brilliant. I love it!!

OP - I used to be afraid to bring things up with my therapist. I worked on trust - because I found that it meant I didn’t really trust him. Once I got to a point of trusting him, it became a lot easier.

Do you have the option to email or text? I used to send an email or text that started with “I’m really scared to tell you this but...”. And then I’d just blab it. And then we’d talk about it in session - but he always left it up to me to bring it up (which drove me crazy because I really wanted him to bring it up - but he was honouring my freedom and right to direct the therapy).

Now I find him really easy to talk to about anything and everything. But I had to learn to trust him first.

Sadly I am not able to contact my T outside of session unless it's an emergency phone call. But maybe if I close my eyes in session and say it out loud, it will be like sending an email, like she's not there...

[Rive1976]

I just say hey I dont feel like Im getting anywhere. Or I dont EMDR is working right. I speak my mind because its a waste of both of our time not to.