Vindictive or malicious termination

I have not experienced this, but I believe it does happen. Speaking only from the data gleaned from these forums, I would estimate that the majority of involuntary terminations are poorly handled. There is certainly an element of callous disregard for the client in these instances, but most of the time, I can't detect vindictive or malicious intent. However, the theme that several people have mentioned of terminating someone because they would not bend to the will of the therapist sounds credible to me.

I think there are some therapists who are drawn to the profession for narcissistic reasons. It would stand to reason that when a client doesn't feed their narcissistic hunger to be seen as an authority and guide, they would feel threatened, become angry, and seek to both punish the client and remove the threat to their narcissistic image of themselves. I also think there are therapists who are too cognitively lazy and/or opinionated to work with clients who don't just go along with what the therapist wants them to do. These therapists may also inflict involuntary terminations on clients - or threaten to do so - which may or may not have a vindictive or malicious element. In some cases, the therapist may terminate simply because they find it expedient to do so, and just don't care how it affects the client. In others, the therapist is probably consciously or subconsciously intending to "punish" the client.

I do think there are some cases where clients are unwilling to follow treatment recommendations and they become a liability to the therapist's license (or agency's accreditation). However, I think that as long as the client is willing to contract for safety, the therapist is unlikely to be justified in forcing termination.

I can understand how painful and difficult it is to go through all that. So sorry about that. But you are not a POS, and, as you undoubtedly know, whatever you did or did not do is no excuse for, and has nothing really to do with, his unethical behavior.

That's ridiculous. What a douchebag.

OP, I'm a member of 'the-ending-wasn't-vindictive, but could-have-gone-a-whole-lot-better' club. I quit after a year because my therapist wouldn't hug me. Our last session was awful. After he told me he would never hug me we just sat in silence for ten minutes. No discussion on whether there was a way around it, no acknowledgment that my feelings were valid, no expression of care. I felt totally humiliated, told him off, then left, slamming the door behind me.

When I called a few weeks later about setting a final session for closure, and could he please, please call me, I just got a curt message saying we no longer worked together.

Four months on, I realise I kicked off in part to see if my therapist would stick by me if I was rude, upset, and highly emotional with him. We were getting into some heavy stuff, and I needed to know he would stand by me and reach out to me at my worst.

I'm still amazed at how badly he failed and how quickly he jumped ship. I actually think I could have made it through no hugs if he could've just shown I meant more to him than a stranger.

But at the same time, I'm very glad I didn't ever share the deepest parts of me. Now I'm more just annoyed that I didn't get the opportunity to figure out this stuff.

Therapists are no better human beings than anyone else. They act out at clients all the time.

I had a therapist terminate maliciously because I developed feelings for her.

I can imagine reliving it would be so difficult, but he was drastically irresponsible with your care. Your deep down feeling about yourself is what he was meant to be nurturing and healing, the opposite of twhat he did with your trust. I am so sorry.

I hope you left him a 2 star google review saying something like " perhaps well intentioned deep down, but ineffective, cold and rigid. I cannot recommend this therapist".

I believe I was vindictively terminated from therapy. It's been over a year and I'm still not over it....

I was by ex t2. She waited until after I left to send an email saying she found me to be angry and hostile. SAY WHAT? The session itself I was shut down and really stressed but she invited me to make another appointment, and even said she liked working with me...I was so confused and expressed this feeling. 3 weeks later still nothing and I emailed again. She then said she would no longer treat me.

I submitted a professional complaint about the way she ended it and even they concluded that her feelings meant she didn't end therapy ethically.

To this day I am baffled about what she saw, I never raised my voice, swore or got angry in any way, I wasn't rude. In fact we were laughing about some things and I was feeling anxious.

Thanks everyone for their responses , stories and empathy. My own case boils down to money in the first instance and ego in the second. It's proved to be quite a lethal combination. I think Stopdog is right , they are no better humans sometimes. And if we lose our humanity , what do we have left ?

I don't know that those people have lost their humanity (although I don't necessarily believe that having humanity is all that great shakes), but rather that just because they are therapists or training to be therapists - they are not nicer, more evolved, better at human interaction than anyone else. Look around at all the indications from those who say they are therapists in all sorts of areas,(blogs, books, on line forums etc) and see how unhinged they behave. Joseph Burgo is, I think, a fantastic example of a therapist who becomes openly unhinged when challenged.

Therapists I've known professionally and non* are far more rivalrous, grandiose, overbearing and needy than most everyone else.They seem extremely invested in being cultivating awe, playing roles of monarch, guru and unsolicited instructor. I wonder if their training brings out the worst in them. Their strategies are essentially dominance signaling. These traits make their social skills far below average because they only seem secure when others are inferior and servile.

*My experience only. I don't pretend to know the world.

Completely agree with stopdog. I've never had the slightest impression that therapists have higher level of humanity, morals, professionalism, communication skills, or are more evolved than the average person. Not a single case, and I know many therapists both causally and via my work. I was also the client of two. In fact, often the opposite is true...but they like to claim that they stand on some higher ground. This is of course not specific to therapists but is present in many professions and other contexts where people cover for each-other and overlook or ignore the issues in their peers and even gang up against whoever is trying to challenge them. Or sometimes criticize colleagues harshly while they engage in the same behaviors or even worse. It does show though that the Ts are no better in any way than anyone else, but unfortunately they are often in positions to abuse their influence - then just turn their backs to the consequences in way too many cases. Again, this is not a therapist phenomenon but... humanity. But here we are talking about therapists. I also agree with missbella that the training can bring out the worst (latent God complex) of some.

I'd wager that many therapists terminate with indifference, like swatting a fly. Guessing this is what many clients fear most. One of mine got a bit nasty when I stopped playing by her rules after termination, but that was all about her.

I am a victim of both vindictive and malicious treatment by a T.
To quote stopdog


I mistakenly believed therapists were humane, nicer and had better than average relationship skills. WRONG!!! I have been badly burned. Turns out "I" was the one with better skills than the therapist. Sadder than sad as the song goes.

Reading about all these endings is stressful for me. I may be winding things down with my current (and first ever) T. We just started talking about it last week, so I’m not exactly sure how it’ll go. He expressed that he may not be able to help me due to negative transference that has been going on for quite some time. He gave me the name of some female T’s and I have contacted one of them. I’m not sure how much control I have over this and whose court the ball is in. If we end, I imagine I will feel like it was my fault in some way, but I hope he is nice about it and gives me time. I sure hope it doesn’t end up feeling vindictive or malicious, but if it is, I’m totally going to leave a review with your exact, brilliant words.

I did leave him a poor review a few months later.

It was a difficult thing to do, because I (myself) think the benefits of therapy were worth the crappy ending. I would do it all again, if I had the choice, because he was, actually, an exceptional therapist and my life is much improved because of him.

But I had the means to deal with the **** ending - - I don't have serious mental health issues, I have a decent support system, and I have other stuff in my life going on that I can turn to.

But if I were my 20-year-old, depressed, friendless, jobless self, that ending would have affected me in a much different way. It probably would have made me suicidal. I would have felt there was no hope for me if even my therapist refused to help me.

I hope my review gave him a bit of pause, and will prompt him into trying to find a solution the next time a client says things aren't working for them. Or at the very least, acknowledge that the client's feelings are valid but he isn't the right therapist for the job.

Thanks , I could probably process this as dominance signalling. I sent my actual T a nice email thanking him for the work we did together and sorry it ended in such an unfortunate way and wishing him well. So I think I displayed more psychological maturity as well as being able to rationally analyse what the situation was. I basically called the guy out and he didn't like it. But it's the truth and he'll have to face it eventually. The universe's wheels turn slowly , but turn they do. You just have to stop lying , especially to yourself.

I eventually processed my extremely sour ending as the product of the therapist’s vanity. Another possible factor is that many therapists seem to filter events through their training and theories which can add layers of detachment and distortion. The therapists I’ve known, both inside and outside work, need to assert dominance.

This was definitely my case with my first T. He did not terminate me (I did) but was definitely unable to see me, my behavior and feelings outside of his (very narrow) theoretical box. So he projected the same things onto me that he knows well and likes to work with in general, but those things just did not happen to fit me at all. We got into repeated fights over this and his mind seemed unchangeable, unbelievably rigid and dogmatic - these were some of the things that made me intensely annoyed with him for a good while even after leaving him. The level of being misunderstood and manipulated was unbearable. Not detachment in my case - I actually would have welcomed much more detachment from his pet dogmas - it was more a problem of his too strong attachment to very simplistic and distorted perceptions and interpretations. I can easily imagine it working out okay with a client who happens to fit with those ideas, but I just did not, and he was not able to adjust, just kept defending his projections. It was crazy making!

Out There - I definitely think it is the more mature approach to express your opinions and then let the experience go with a lesson. I don't see much good in the approach of people who describe clinging to resentments too long, it's sort of drinking the same poison over and over. Many people seem to say that we do not have control over our feelings and they will last as long as they last... yes, if we do not interfere to get out of the misery. I think that clinging to rejections and resentments too long is exactly what creates some of the trickiest emotional blocks that are then very hard to remove.

This feels true from my experience too. It is commendable, OT, that you took the high road. And while it's a bit sad that your therapist could not meet you in this place, it's not really surprising. Just like in personal relationships, people in work-based relationships (as in, his job as a therapist, which may or may not be different in the context of a personal relationship) are thin-skinned to criticism and abuse their power to blame those who point out they are not so good at their jobs. I've had a run in or two over the years with people who have their egos all wrapped up in them being perfect at their work, and they act just like you describe your therapist did.

I have sometimes had the most difficulty with letting go of rejections or resentments when I've taken the high road, essentially resenting the other person for not reciprocating. I think some people see the high road as weakness and then they move in for the kill, dumping and spewing. For me the things that have blown up with people because of my less than admirable behavior are easier to get over than the alternative. I think it's the notion of fairness, or that I'm entitled to it, like if I don't kick sand at you I think it's unfair for you to do so. Or if I treat someone with generosity and kindness, I expect it back in turn. Not an unreasonable belief, just that it doesn't always happen. Unfortunately I cannot control what other people do.

Thank you for your wisdom and insight Anne. I've had a big lesson myself in this thread ( and hat's off to piggy momma for teaching it to me ) I reacted to what she said because my feelings were running high and I was touchy , but people need to reflect ( which I did ) and I was able to go " Yeah , OK that was me " , it was less than admirable behaviour but easier to get over than getting stuck in the " No , no , that was you , I REFUSE to accept my part in what's happened ! " ( which this guy is doing ) Maybe he needs to go back into therapy himself.

I think there is a fine line between taking the high road, and letting a therapist off the hook.

Therapists charge high fees and expect trust because they are allegedly relationships masters, and then some show themselves to be overgrown babies or dangerous crazies after the fact, and many clients seemingly just walk away and go lurching toward another therapist. I would rather a client go overboard with rubbing a therapist's face in the shite, if it feels therapeutic, than err on the side of submission and docility.

I can understand a powerful sense of rejection leading one to question the professionalism of the mental healthcare giver. I truly feel though that it goes both ways, that the lead up to the situation involves the actions and behaviour of both parties. What signs and events occured before the event happened? Are those affected by such able to look back, see, and recognise the points leading to the crisis? Could it be possible the termination was in fact sourced in frustration instead of outright maliciousness. Just food for thought from someone standing outside of the whole thing. I honestly feel this needs to be opened up for consideration.

I experienced an extremely malicious ending, but I did the terminating. My therapist team, two of them, employed every humiliating weapon possible to keep me in group therapy. I had told one, calmly and privately that they were doing more harm than good, so from then on they accelerated the harm with insults and gaslighting. By the way, I was employed as an executive, a homeowner, and never on substances, prescriptions or anywhere near a being candidate for hospitalization or supervision. There were no critical issues to my remaining therapy or with these therapists, in other words.

Unfortunately therapists, at worst, can be vain, controlling and needy, particularly if someone who sought their help shuts off the narcissistic supply or subordination. Some therapists need to admiration and servility to such a degree they can’t survive the order upended.

I’ve seen this with therapists I know socially. They’re constantly performative, and their dominance signaling is on overdrive.