Vindictive or malicious termination

I'm sorry things fell out this way. No, it's never happened with me.

These traits in Ts tend to emerge when the idealized sense of self is threatened and needs defended as it can cause severe anxiety over loss of self. Many Ts seem to have poor sense of self which often result in poor boundaries and enmeshment. I have 'screened' Ts for these characteristics to prevent these scenarios although I didn't have the ability to do this prior to my own learning through depth therapy.

Thank you Wishful. Indeed there WAS a lead up to the situation involving the actions and behaviour of both parties. I can see what led up to the crisis , but it seems the other ( supposedly professional ) party is not accepting any contribution to this situation at all and is entirely blaming me. Ergo my termination is MY fault. It did need to be opened up for consideration , but there was no " Come back and let's discuss this like mature human beings ". I rather pulled a " Emperor's new clothes " on this man. A termination in a fit of narcissistic rage resulted. I rest my case that he is naked.

Thanks Budfox , dangerous crazy behavior such as this can have disastrous consequences for a client. If I was less resilient , I dread to think what might have happened. And for me it's the second time a professional has behaved somewhat in this manner.

I had one who was holding on to a fantasy version of our "work" together after we ended, and when I became insistent about making her see how toxic it was, she became frantic and fell apart.

This was framed by anyone I mentioned it to as an unfortunate case of bad fit or inadequate training, but I think it was a window into the giant dysfunctional family that is the therapy profession, where everyone covers for everyone else, unless the therapist molests the client.

Thank you for this, Octoberful. How can you tell if someone has these characteristics? I have some doubts about my T.

Your observations about the idealized self parallels a key point in analyst Karen Horney's theory of personality. Don't know if you're a fan.

Any wisdom you can offer about screening would be helpful. Though I fall less for someone's performance, people continue to surprise me. Sometimes my "idealized self" even surprises me. That said, I've become dubious about people about making a big point of narrating themselves "I am kind" when they're clearly doing the opposite.

EG , sometimes it can be gut feelings , or things they do and say. Paying attention to intuition and using discenrnment is something I've learned to do. Also good to do a safety check with others , particularly here. If I had encountered this man previously , I would not have worked with him. And when I did encounter him , I found him immediately transparent through " screening ". Then the situation became pretty unworkable , I could not " unsee " what I'd seen. It was sadder than sad because I was doing good and difficult work with my T. But being terminated made the decision for me , so it's a path I can no longer traverse. Lots of spiritual testing around the Winter solstice energy for anyone with a spirtual bent. ( I can sort of hear Stopdog going " Ack " at this point though. )

Carefully observing patterns in behaviors, particularly someone's inability to distinguish their own emotional experience from that of another (psychological boundary problems). Signs may include over identifying with me, showing neediness such as need for approval, lying, poor boundaries, bragging/name throwing, trying too hard, acting controlling, overreacting, intrusive behavior, etc. Lack of insight into oneself is usually a sure sign.

It's not any one thing but rather the whole picture. Enmeshment, which includes behaviors listed above in different contexts, is the biggest one that is sort of an overarching umbrella. It's easy to spot in people now, after doing the type of therapy I did but not before therapy.

By the way-I'm no stranger to identity instability, especially having been completely different people at different times in my life (though not so much enmeshment).

Miss Bella, no, I'm not familiar with her work in that context but wouldn't mind checking it out if you have a link to share.

It's been a few decades since I read her, but I found the clearest books were Our Inner Conflicts and Neurosis and Human Growth. She describes the idealized self as well as the self-hatred as products of inescapably conflicted interactions. I recall she believed that the idealized self was a very fragile core that people go to extreme lengths to protect.

I'll link to some summaries I found, but can't guarantee they're great introductions.
PTypes - Idealized Self
Karen Horney - Wikipedia

(Her name is pronounce Horn-Eye)