I Want To Talk About This But I’m Afraid of Offending T

I think I would like to talk about my T’s age (she’s really young, like very early 30s) in our next session, but I’m really afraid of offending her. I got some feedback in one of my recent posts that I talk should about my fears around growing attached to her and my fears around whether she’d be able to handle that. This has a lot to do with my anxiety around her age because she hasn’t been a therapist for very long and part of me doesn’t think they teach therapists how to handle difficult clients who become overly attached to them in graduate school. I know that’s an assumption on my part, but it seems like the relationship stuff that arise between client and therapist is more something you learn through experience. Another thing - I had a T a few years back who I saw for like6 years. Idk if I’ve posted much about her on this forum, but she really hurt me. I of course became very attached to her and when I went into treatment for my ED, she gave my new T (now ex T) a letter of termination. I didn’t see it coming as she was still contacting me at the time and the plan was I’d continue seeing her while I was in ED treatment. In the letter, it was very cold and she basically said I could no longer contact her. No goodbye session. No reasons for terminating. The only thing that changed up to that point is my fessing up about being attached to her, which she didn’t even respond to. She just left.

Her and new T went to the same graduate school and I’m afraid this is what they’ve been taught: When the client grows attached, you leave. And you leave through a letter without saying goodbye.

Instead of age, maybe just ask in her short time as a t, how much experience she has with it

My t was 40s and only a t 5 yrs. I don't think he knew what he was doing much at all. Had nothing to do with age but more lack of experience with some things

Does it matter if the therapist gets offended by a topic the client wants to talk about? I have never thought it did.

I think you should bring it up. How you're worried about getting to attached and if that were to happen what would termination look like.

I think maybe rather than leading with your questions about her age, you might find it reassuring to have a talk about her ideas on attachment. You mentioned in the beginning when you first met her that she deals a lot with attachment and transference. Perhaps you could lead with “how do you deal with clients who have a tendency to become very attatched to you, this is a big worry for me”
Perhaps discussing ways you can work together for you to healthily manage your feelings and her boundaries and also what would and would not be appropriate behavior from you toward her.

I think if you can talk rationally and be very open about these issues you feel really worry you, then her age really won’t matter. Your healing road is journey you and your T take together, so every client she will ever have is a completely new path to navigate.

It doesn't matter but to some people, they always worry or are concerned about offending others, so I could see that.

Similar to me feeling like I'm a bother or burden to people

I think most therapists (assuming they didn't become therapists later in life) will have dealt with this question before. Since she's in her early 30s, she has likely been practicing for a few years and has already had to field this question before. If she takes offense, that's on her, not on you - and would reflect poorly on her as a therapist.