[Thalassophile]

I've come across a lot of posts from people who have been terminated by their T's or had abrupt session endings. This makes me angry and afraid. It is something I have a fear of in my own therapy although my T has said they wouldn't do this. I imagine most T's do say this though and no one ever 'plans' to terminate a client abruptly yet they do. The possibility is always still there even if they say it's not. Do you have experience of being terminated by your T? What happened and how have you managed to cope/deal with the sudden ending?

[susannahsays]

No, it has never happened to me.

[SlumberKitty]

My first T when I was really young terminated me because her supervisor said she had to. I didn't really understand it, and I didn't really get it, but I don't remember being particularly traumatized by the ending or whatever. I just accepted it.

Former T and I had to stop because she got MS. It wasn't sudden/sudden, it was surprising, and it took a bit of a process but I didn't want to stop seeing her, I just had to stop seeing her. I'm still getting over it. I cry a lot, that's how I deal with it. Kit

[DP_2017]

My T told me time and time again he wasn't going anywhere.... after about a year, he started talking about issues in his job and wanting to leave.... but always said things like "Clients can follow me if they like" so I felt ok about it.

It came out of nowhere when he said he was quitting the career itself and that all contact had to end, at least for 2 years.

So sadly, yes, it COULD happen... however try not to fixate on it, I doubt it's that common and just enjoy the time you have with them now.

[kecanoe]

I have not been suddenly terminated by a T. One decided to retire, and gave me 18 months notice. I didn't like it, but it definitely wasn't sudden.

[ElectricManatee]

No, I have never been abruptly terminated. I left two previous longer-term therapists because I graduated and moved away. I had some shorter-term therapists who ended things when they finished their internships (which I knew about from the beginning). I ended with my current therapist once before when we agreed I was finished, and now I'm back with her for Phase 2.

[Out There]

I've just been terminated by my T's boss ( who didn't even know me ). It sucks , it was reportable on ethics and conduct and would have been by another provider had it been under another jurisdiction. So I guess I can see it wasn't my fault , and to learn and grow from. But it' s not something I would wish on anyone , in my case it was somewhat vindictive. There are other scenarios of course , the T becomes unable to carry on or stops doing therapy etc. All we have is the present moment , the NOW. Can we really fear or worry about what might happen in the future. But probably we do.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Never terminated.

[LabRat27]

I made a thread about it at the time, including updates that explain how we went from termination to working together again. I thought I'd posted details about me telling him how badly he'd handled it and how much it had hurt me, but apparently not. He acknowledged that he ****ed up. It's been more than six months now, and it's still something that comes up periodically in our sessions and in my posts on here.
thread

Just found my description of our first session back in the notes on my phone, but for some reason I can't find it in my post history?

Technically in session yesterday,
I opened with "so I have a list of things I'm hurt or angry about. Actually two lists, the first is things I think are rational and that I have a legitimate right to be upset about, and the second are things that aren't rational but that I'm still feeling anyway."
He was open to hearing them. I started with the most important: when we met the last time and he referred me out, he'd made that decision for me before I'd even walked in the door. I've demonstrated that I can be reasonable and see all sides of a situation, and I deserve to be reasoned with. But he didn't ask me and I didn't get a vote or any input. He didn't give me a chance for it to be my decision.
I expressed concern that this has happened once, could it happen again that I'd walk in and he'd already made a decision like this for me?
He didn't exactly say no.
I asked him to consider how he'd feel. He acknowledged that it would not be a good feeling.
I then said "that was a really sh***y way to do it." I pointed out that he'd given me one phone number. When I googled her I found consistent reviews saying her billing department was incompetent and they'd ended up with unexpected charges months later, and that I'd heard the same from a counselor at student counseling at my university. I asked if he'd want to call and make an appointment with someone if he'd heard/read all that, and he acknowledged that he wouldn't. He pointed out that he'd asked his supervisor who she'd recommend and that was the one name he'd been given. I acknowledged that I understood that he really had been trying to do what he thought would be best for me, but that that was the problem, he'd just decided what would be best for me.
I told him that it was difficult enough to manage arranging care when one had support and wasn't in a crisis, whereas he'd taken away my support and I was left to deal with it on my own. It took an entire month to access care, and it would have taken a lot longer if it wasn't for all the ER visits that got me priority and the ER psychiatrists helping arrange things. He could have continued to see me until I got in elsewhere.
He admitted that he hadn't thought about how long it might take me to get in with someone else and hadn't realized what an issue it would be. I told him that this is why he should have included me in deciding what was best for me, because I could have told him from the beginning if he'd asked, but I wasn't going to ask once I felt rejected. He was trying to do what he thought would be best for me, but he didn't ask me.
He seemed to really "get it" and understand how badly he'd screwed up at this point.
We talked about it some more and he apologized and acknowledged he'd handled it badly, and when I asked if he could do it again whether he'd do things differently he said yes. I got his word that he wouldn't make a decision for me without talking to me again.

[MobiusPsyche]

I've seen about 7 therapists during my life and I've never been terminated by them. Ending therapy was either my decision or a mutual decision. Maybe I'm just lucky. I will say that none of my therapists have ever promised to never leave me or always be there for me so I would be suspicious of anyone who said that.

[nottrustin]

I haven't been terminated in the sense that I think you are asking.

Years ago while in college I saw a T for a couple of months. Then the school stopped funding for students to see her. She didnt accept my insurance. So I had to stop seeing her.

The only other termination was when T died very suddenly after an accident. So very sudden and excruciatingly painful. I am making it through one day at a time.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Thalassophile

I've come across a lot of posts from people who have been terminated by their T's or had abrupt session endings. This makes me angry and afraid. It is something I have a fear of in my own therapy although my T has said they wouldn't do this. I imagine most T's do say this though and no one ever 'plans' to terminate a client abruptly yet they do. The possibility is always still there even if they say it's not. Do you have experience of being terminated by your T? What happened and how have you managed to cope/deal with the sudden ending?

Yes, I was terminated by my last T 2.5 years ago. She said that she "did not have the emotional resources" to continue. She said that when we started, 6 years earlier, and gave me the diagnoses consistent with the difficulties I was having having, that she thought she would be able to but some things had come up or happened and that she was not able to work with me any longer. She gave me a referral. I asked for a partial refund of the last year of my out-of-pocket fees. She refused. I asked for a few free (termination) sessions. She agreed. She has responded to a some emails I have sent, mostly articles about the kinds of things I had been having difficulty with and possible solutions, but remains unable, she says, because of her own difficulties, to re-engage with me.

I have experienced this as a rejection -- which, I believe, it is. Her limitations, maybe, but ultimately, in her world, even a professional world, she has not place for me. I am not wanted. That's the reality, that's a rejection.

The rejection triggered feelings that I did not know I had, that I had long buried the capacity for. 6 months after the termination I "recalled" similar feelings connected with some situations and/or people in my childhood. It put me in bed with depression for 3 days and was a very difficult month. I felt unacceptable to everybody in the whole world and still do to a certain extent, although I continue to "put myself out there", including here, and have received some contrary evidence -- that is, not been rejected.

I did not go to the therapist I was referred to. I do not trust anybody in the profession at this point. I was in therapy on and off for more that 50 years. The last therapist was a specialist in trauma and dissociation and may well have diagnosed some core issues that other therapists missed. Or perhaps they were issues that developed or got exacerbated by all the tries at therapy. Nevertheless. . .for me, "therapy" had become, or always was, poison and even as bad off as I was. . .

I was very fortunate and have a very good support group that I had been going to for about 2 years before the termination and that has continued to be a good place for support and what I might call social learning, which is what I need at this point more than more "therapy". I have vented a lot here on PC and that has helped me process things.

Now, 2.5 years later, I can write about it in what (maybe?) seems civil and rational. But being rejected and feeling unacceptablet to the whole world is a really, really awful, unbearable situation. I also expect that experiencing that feeling and tolerating it without dissociating was something that I needed all along. But I certainly expected, and still do, something better than reenactment and abandonment as a "cure" for my kind of difficulties. But I had never found it in all those years, so . . .

I still wish most days that I was not here, but I have no plans to take action. My grown kids seem to like me OK these days, and one of them wants me to move out where he and his wife and 2 young kids are. They have no other family around and think I do OK as a grandma when I am with their kids! As long as my health holds out, I might be able, therefore, to make a contribution to the lives of some people I love, so. . .I'm working on trying to clear out my house, letting go of the past. . .painful, painful, painful. But it's possible that there may be some better days ahead. Maybe not, but maybe.

I still think more than 50 years on an off in therapy was far too long, far too expensive, far too iffy. . .

[piggy momma]

I’ve never been terminated, per se. one got very sick and what was supposed to be a day surgery landed him in hospital for over a month. He left with a cancer diagnosis and closed his practice.

My current T will only terminate if I attempt to take my life again. Anything else is workable. I suspect he will retire one day (he’s 61) but that day is still far away.

Originally Posted by piggy momma

I’ve never been terminated, per se. one got very sick and what was supposed to be a day surgery landed him in hospital for over a month. He left with a cancer diagnosis and closed his practice.

My current T will only terminate if I attempt to take my life again. Anything else is workable. I suspect he will retire one day (he’s 61) but that day is still far away.

Wouldn't someone who had an attempt need therapy more than anyone? I don't understand the rationale.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

My current T will only terminate if I attempt to take my life again. Anything else is workable. I suspect he will retire one day (he’s 61) but that day is still far away.

Yikes! That makes no sense at all.

[SheHulk07]

Not without notice and all of them were because they were moving out of state or done with their internships. One T that I had let me know months in advance that he was moving so we worked up to it by finding a new T for me. It really sucked but I moved on. My T tha was seeing H and I for MC and also seeing me individually moved out of state without much of a warning and failed to set me up with a new T like he kept promising. That one hurt more because he told me he would be around for a while then moved in a short amount of time.

[GretchenC]

I recently posted about being terminated, and I hope that didn't cause you to have anxiety about the possibility of premature termination with your T.

To be fair, I had sent my T an email saying I wanted to end therapy. Then I came to my senses and sent another email saying I had changed my mind, but it was too late. So I brought it on myself.

Again, my apologies if posting about my experience caused an unintended consequence of distress for you.

Gretchen

[tomatenoir]

Not termination, per se, but I quit therapy in August. My therapist wouldn't hug me, and as I was left feeling unlovable and unlikeable I didn't see how I could make progress with him anymore. I knew if I stayed it was out of habit and attachment and not to actually help with my problems.

Five days after I quit I decided I wanted a last session and called him to ask for one. He told me no and we no longer worked together.

It made me realise I'd made the right decision. I'm glad I was helped by him, but I'm also glad I followed my instincts that this guy was way too rigid and not a good partner for dealing with the deepest stuff.

But I don't see the point in returning to any therapy, really.

[daisydid]

Sadly yes, I have been abruptly terminated. I did not handle it well. It was while I was still a teenager, and it culminated in the therapist telling my step mother that I'm a pathological liar. I still remember where I was when I heard the voice mail; it traumatized me and still affects my therapy over 10 years later.

[winterblues17]

Yes and it's the last one today. She told me about 1.5months ago and probably was hoping I would have adjusted to it by now, but with a few hours to go I still feel as hurt and rejected as I did the day she told me.
My thoughts about it all are forever changing back and forth, some minutes I truly understand and am still grateful she stayed with me asking, feel lucky that I had her fit 2 years with her kindness and compassion when I most needed it. She was my rock for a long while when everything else seemed to crumble... the next minute though, I'm hurt, rejected and angry, I see it as one big mistake that I've allowed myself to trust and care about someone who leaves me exactly the same as others have done.
There are reasonings, travel was mentioned, I believe new job and 'personal situation' that she didn't feel she wanted to divulge, however mainly my head seems this reasons as excuses and the real thing is 'it is me' and this is personal to me.
I'm not sure what the future holds from today, right now I'm focusing on turning up and trying to get through what feels like the worst moment of my life, but I have so much to say and no words really that I can use to say what I really feel.
I'm scared to see her, but I'm more scared of finding some kind of courage to walk away from her and continue walking knowing that I will not be there the next week or the week after that etc.

From what I've read, it doesn't seem overly common and I don't think termination is something taken lightly from a T. I think 9/10 is on clients terms or at least mutually agreed, but I get the people that do read these stories and then worry about their own selfs being terminated, I was one of those people that often read something and then panicked that it would happen with my T. Even though yes my greatest fear over her terminating has happened, but itveluld have done regardless of the worry I had about it over the years. So I kinda wish I had just let that go sooner, the most ironic part for me with this, is that I felt the most secure with her when she did do this than I ever had, and it was and still is a huge shock.

[elisewin]

No I have never been terminated by a T.

[Anne2.0]

I can see how reading stories of termination would concern anyone; other people affect us, and that is as it should be. There are a number of psychological processes that can filter the way we take in information that shapes our interpretations. Some of this is "vividness" and the story of unexpected and sometimes viscous termination sticks out in the mind and makes it appear to be more common than it really is.

If I started a thread titled My Therapist Didn't Terminate Me Today, probably nobody would read it, or they would stop once they realized it wasn't that I was expecting to be terminated because I hacked into their FB and friended myself. Likewise, I don't post about not being afraid of termination because it's not bothering me to feel that way. So part of it is the nature of online groups, combined with the fact that those who just go to therapy and either don't think about it and/or who don't struggle with it are unlikely to find this board or want to. So the struggles or problems with therapy are more likely to be over represented here.

But I've had three long term therapists and none has ever terminated me, unless you count the first one where he took a job at my workplace and so we needed to terminate (I can't imagine he would have wanted to continue even if I did). It had been about three years with him so it was upsetting, but I found it easy to work with a new T. I saw my old t occasionally in meetings but fortunately not too often.

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by octoberful

Wouldn't someone who had an attempt need therapy more than anyone? I don't understand the rationale.

He doesn’t have the resources to deal with someone who is suicidal. His practice is very small - only a couple clients at a time, he mostly does marriage counselling. And it is sadly not that unusual around here for a T to turn away a potential client with a history of a suicide attempt.

[wheeler]

Yes, I have been terminated by 2 therapist. Each was/is painful.

The first determined that after 3 years she had done ‘all that she could’ and it was ‘time For me to move on.’ I was so confused and overwhelmed with grief.

After a period of trying to understand it by myself, I decided to find another therapist. I knew I couldn’t handle it on my own.

The next therapist help me get through what had happened with the last therapist and promised not to end therapy until I was ready for it(note: therapists should neve make promises)

So about 2.5 years into therapy with her she nonchalantly tells me she’s moving from where she lives, about 40 minutes from her office. She assures me that this is not have any affect and she will continue working where her current office is.

Fast forward 6 months later and she changes her mind and has decided to close her office and she was no longer going to see clients.

To say the least, this two occurrences have had a huge impact on my life.

[elisewin]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

If I started a thread titled My Therapist Didn't Terminate Me Today, probably nobody would read it, or they would stop once they realized it wasn't that I was expecting to be terminated because I hacked into their FB and friended myself.

Hahaha I would read I promise!!